Dragon Ball C
by Roxius
Summary: NOW A MULTI-CHAPTER FIC! Goku, Vegeta, Gohan and the others go through their most cracktastic adventure yet! Can you believe it? Please R & R! Insanity and total OOCness abound! M-rated due to some jokes.
1. Dare To Be Stupid

A/N: O.O ...Whoa. I was bored, no one was reviewing Chagecha Ragecha, and I felt rather DBZ-ish at the moment. Thus, this fic was born. I might make some more DBZ stuff in the future, too.

* * *

It started off as a rather normal day at the Son family's house. Chi-Chi was busy cutting up vegetables for a stew, Gohan was busy studying advanced algebra in his room despite the fact he was already a scholar and been married for several years, and Goku was just sitting around in the middle of the living room floor and pretending he was a plant.

"Photosynthesis...Photosynthesis...Photosynthesis..." he chanted over and over, stretching out his arms and legs back and forth.

Suddenly, the door bell rang.

"Goku, can you answer it?" Chi-Chi called to him as she started up the stew pot.

"Sorry, honey," Goku replied, "I can't. I might bloom under the fresh spring sun any moment now, and I definitely don't want to mess it up!"

Sighing, Chi-Chi walked over and opened the front door. Standing outside was none other than Broly, wearing a very unconvincing curly unibrow and a uniform several sizes too small to cover his massive bulk. Leaning close, he spoke in a ill-prepared Italian accent, "Eh...doo yooz huve Kakorrots herah?"

"GOKU! ONE OF YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS IS HERE TO PLAY!" Chi-Chi called to her husband.

"Tell him he can grab a termite-covered stick off the ground and shove it up his-"

"He'd be delighted to have a play-date with you." Chi-Chi told Broly with a smile before letting him into the house.

As soon as Broly walked into the living room and caught sight of Goku, he exclaimed, "KAKORROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"

Sitting up with a perverted and unrealistic grin on his face, Goku squeaked, "Yes? What is it, senor?"

"KAKORROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"

"...Yes?"

"KAKORROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!"

"...Yeeeeeeeeeeees?"

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"

And so, Goku and Broly had a grand old time playing Tetris together, and they played 'Livin La Vida Loca' over and over at max volume and smoked manly cigars, until Chi-Chi came into the room and said Broly had to leave, because it was dinner time.

Goku gasped. "OH NOEZ! Chi-Chi, sweet lovely Chi-Chi...why can't my new bestest buddy Broly-chan stay for din-din?!"

"YEAH! I STILL WANNA DANCE, DANCE, DANCE!" Broly whined.

Chi-Chi easily gave in, and allowed Broly to stay...as long as he doesn't pee on the carpet. "If you do, I'll finally have a chance to try out the new 45-calibur sniper rifle I just bought at the market last saturday!"

As the three walked past Gohan's room, where the door was covered in various locks and chains, a voice from within called, "H-Hey...can I come out for din-din, too?"

"NO!" Chi-Chi snapped furiously, "YOU WILL STUDY UNTIL YOU DIE, AND THAT'S FINAL!"

Sighing in defeat, Gohan dragged himself over to his bed and just laid there for a while, staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, he remembered about a box of donuts he hid under his bed just in case Goku ever failed to save the world. Unfortunately, when Gohan looked underneath, all he found were crumbs.

"LOL, you got bitched." chuckled Icarus (the dragon), finishing off the last of the donuts. Snarling, Gohan pulled out a katana from behind his pillows and said, "It looks like I'm having FUCKIN' DRAGON TONIGHT!"

"LE GASP!"

Anyway, while Gohan was committing the sinful act of 'dragon homocide', Goku, Chi-Chi and Broly had all taken their seats for dinner.

"LET US DEVOUR THESE FOOLISH RADISHES BEFORE THEY TURN THEIR BEEF HEADS DOWN UPON THE EMPIRE OF RADICALS!" Goku exclaimed before digging in like he hadn't eaten in days.

Suddenly, while they were eating, the doorbell rang once again. Like usual, Chi-Chi went to answer it, but oddly enough, no one was there. When she turned around, however, she realized that Vegeta was slowly emerging from the kitchen sink with an annoyed look on his face.

His body soaking wet, Vegeta took Chi-Chi's seat as he exclaimed, "Kakorrot...I've finally done it. I've finally figured out how to prove to you..."

He then got up on the table and made a pose. "...I WILL PROVE TO YOU THAT I AM ACTUALLY THE MAIN CHARACTER!"

Slurping up the rest of his soup, Goku asked, "Oh, really? How are you going to make possible the impossible? How are you going to prove the unprovable? How are you going to make fish fly and crickets swim? HOW, I ASK YOU! HOW?!"

"It's very simple, Kakorrot," Vegeta explained, "We...MUST COMMIT A CRIME!"

Broly gasped. "YOU TEASE!"

"If I was teasing, I would say something like 'Gohan is awesome'...which is utter bullshit."

Thinking about it for a moment, Goku said, "Well, what kind of crime do you have in mind, Veggieta?"

Vegeta smirked as an idea formed in his pitifully evil mind...

* * *

_Two hours later..._

It was a rather slow day at South City bank. As the old lady finished taking her check out of her account, the front doors burst open, and four dangerous-looking figures walked in.

Goku, Vegeta and Chi-Chi were all wearing fake moustaches, sombreros, ponchos and were naked from the waist down. Piccolo, who made up the fourth member of this odd group, was dressed like a circus clown with giant glasses for some reason.

Pulling a machine gun out of his pants, Vegeta pointed it at Piccolo's forehead and screamed, "ALRIGHT...ANYONE MOVE, AND MR. PRETTY-IN-GREEN GETS A FACE FULL O' CARBONATED SODA! HAND OVER ALL YA MONEY NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

Piccolo threw his arms up and cried, "YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T SHOOT ME, NO MATTER HOW ANNOYING I WAS!"

"I lied." Vegeta sneered.

The people at the accounting desks, who were really just a guy and his two bisexual girlfriends, all gasped at the same time and ran off to tell mommy the horrible news. Now, only the old lady from earlier stood in Vegeta's way of proving himself as the true Main Character of Dragon Ball Z.

"C'mon, old bag! Move it!" Vegeta snapped, his eyes pulsating dangerously.

Goku nodded in agreement. "You should listen to him. Last time his eyes buldged like that...Bra and Pan ended up having sex!"

"YEAH! AND I TAPED IT! I'LL GIVE YA A COPY FOR 12.5 YEN!" Piccolo exclaimed before being shot in the face with a burst of carbonated soda. "IT BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNS US! IT BURNS US! IT BURNS US!"

"You're supposed to charge them MORE, you idiot!" Vegeta snapped at the Namekian.

Pulling a large blood-stained kitchen knife out of her purse, the old lady licked the edge lustfully as she hissed, "GIVE ME THE PORN NOW...OR I CHOP OFF YOUR LEFT HANDS WITH MY TEETH."

Shrieking like a little girl, Vegeta quickly tossed the video tape to the old woman, who snatched it up and ran off, laughing insanely.

"HE...ATE...MY...PENCIL. ...HE ATE MY PENCIL!"

Blinking a few times, Chi-Chi asked, "Uh...what just happened?"

"We tried to attempt a bank robbery...and an old lady stole our porn." Goku replied, pretty much summing up their entire venture.

"Oh." Chi-Chi exclaimed, "Let's go then, Goku..."

And so, Goku and Chi-Chi ditched their ridiculous get-ups and headed home for some hot, sweaty sex - I mean, for some hot sweaty cuddling.

"Now what do we do, Veggie-chan?" Piccolo asked his spiky-haired comrade.

Vegeta shrugged. "I'm gonna go get a baked burrito...you coming?"

Piccolo shook his head, and he watched in silence as Vegeta hopped onto his tricycle and rode off down the street before being hit by a car.

A smirk forming on his green lips, Piccolo then made his way further into the bank, hoping to find the gold vault soon enough. 'Heh heh heh...just as I planned!'

Meanwhile, Broly had strangely disappeared...and was never seen again.

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS...MOTHERFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKER!"


	2. White and Nerdy

A/N: Yeah! It's a series! Please Review, everyone! The more reviews, the better chance of a third chapter!

* * *

_While Piccolo was robbing, and Goku and Chi-Chi were fucking, and Vegeta was eating spicy burritos, something splendiferous was going on in the Underworld..._

It was a rather quiet day in the Underworld. Most of the villains had gone to a concert held by the new popular band 'The Ginyu Force', but Cell and Frieza stayed behind. The green, bug-like android was busy meditating on top of a rocky platform while the ex-tyrant was trying out his new cosplaying merchandise, mainly that of Cloud Strife and Tifa Lockhart.

Suddenly, Cell's eyes snapped open and he said, "...Frieza."

While trying to get the wig to fit right, Frieza glanced up and replied, "Yes, my gay lover - I mean, good buddy of the management of the prevalent Cosmos i.e. my buttocks?"

Standing up, Cell stuck his pointer finger high up and took in a deep breath. Then, he put on a pair of cool sunglasses, threw his head back and screamed, "AGENTS...ARE...GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The immense power from his scream sent powerful shockwaves throughout the spiritual realm, but nothing else happened beside that. Cursing under his breath, Cell sat back down and muttered, "Damn...that didn't work...now what am I supposed to do?"

"...You're trying to open up a hole back to Earth?" Frieza asked, applying his pink lipstick.

Cell nodded. "Yeah. I mean, it's 2009 now, and they've got everything, those lucky human bastards! Internet, porn, BioShock for the PlayStation 3, more porn, hentai, bondage porn, Lucky Star porn, alcohol, and gay porn...I WANT IT ALL!"

Frieza gasped loudly. "DID YOU SAY THEY HAVE BIOSHOCK FOR THE PS3?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING JUST SITTING AROUND HERE?! WE GOTTA GET TO EARTH AND FAST!"

Suddenly, Majin Boo (in his Super Boo form) burst out of the ground with his head attached to the bottom of a toilet. "DID YOU SAY...INTERNETZ?! LOLROFLBBQWTF?!"

'...This is as bad as reading Samus X Ridley porn...' Babidi thought, poking head from out of the toilet bowl.

"Hmm...however, how are we gonna get back to Earth? We got our asses kicked back in Movie 12 and during DBGT...we need an alternative route!" Frieza exclaimed.

"I agree." Cell replied, "Fortunately, I think I have just the solution...follow me, everyone!"

And so, Cell, Frieza (who was dressed as Tifa), and Majin Boo flew off and eventually came to King Yemma's place, and confronted the big demon king himself.

Grunting, the giant demon asked, "Ugh...it's you three 'Major Arc Villains' again. Whadda ya want nooooooooooooow?!"

"We wanna go to Earth! They have BioShock...and Little Big Planet...and Disgaea 3!" Frieza exclaimed, foaming at the mouth in a desperate need for coffee cake.

King Yemma shrugged. "So? Besides, Little Big Planet got pushed back to October 27 (for realz)!"

Crawling up onto the big guy's shoulder, Cell leaned close to his ear and whispered, "...THEY HAVE PRONZ."

"...You mean porn?"

"...Yes."

King Yemma shrugged again and replied, "Feh. I have all the tentacle rape porn I need. Nothing else like it..."

Cell's facial artwork became that of a shoujo manga girl and he exclaimed, "YOU MAKE ME SICK LIKE A DUCK ON A RUG WITH A PUG AND A LADY'S JUG THAT POURED BUTTER MILK IN MY TROUSERS."

"What?!"

"Exactly."

With the toilet still stuck to his head, Majin Boo sat down and started thinking. "HEY, PASS ME A ROLL OF THE GOOD STUFF! WE'RE OUT!" Babidi shouted from above, but the pink djinn ignored him like always.

Digging his fingers into his belly, Frieza tore his stomach open and a giant human head came flying out with tiny bat wings attached to its ears. Its giant freakish mouth and tongue flailing about wildly as its eyes rolled around in various directions, King Yemma was so frightened that he pissed himself to death.

"Eww...stinky!"

Scratching his chin, Cell said, "Alright, we killed him...now what?"

"Beats me." Frieza replied, not caring his stomach was still wide open.

Suddenly, Majin Boo had an idea. "I SUMMON...A LION!" A giant lion burst out of the toilet, and Frieza shrieked, "JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A LION! GET IN THE CAR!"

Quickly as they could, Cell and Frieza jumped into the randomly-placed mercedes and locked all the doors, afraid of what would happen next.

Doing an awesome fist-pound with the lion, Majin Boo and his giant cat friend leaped into the air and burst into particles of light that then fused together to create a whole new being...and that being was a giant bottle of ketchup that fell to the ground and shattered into pieces instantly.

Rolling down the car window, Cell poked his head out and stared at the large puddle of ketchup now staining the wooden floor.

"Is...is it safe to come out?" Frieza asked, dressed like a housewife.

Pulling out a pistol, Cell climbed out and carefully approached the puddle of ketchup. For a second, he thought he saw it move, so he fired a few shots...and the deed was done. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he gave Frieza a thumbs-up. "It's okay to come out now."

The moment Frieza stepped out of the car, however, the ketchup came to life and jumped at him in an attempt to strangle him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cell raised the pistol and fired, only for the bullets to go right through the ketchup and hit Frieza multiple times in the chest and face. Even when the living ketchup had flown off, Cell continued to shoot Frieza.

"STOP! STOP! STOOOOOOOOOP!" By the time Cell ran out of bullets, Frieza had died once again, only he revived himself back to just being 'dead' instead of being 'dead dead' through true perseverance and believing in Chuck Norris!

"BOY-YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOI!"

"I SUCK YER BLOOD! EVEN ELECTRONIC BRAIN PANCAKE CRYSTAL ELDERLY!"

Eventually, the ketchup ran away to parts unknown, leaving Cell and Frieza feeling rather...empty inside.

"So...what were we trying to do again?" Frieza asked.

"WE'RE TRYING TO GET TO EARTH!" Cell snapped.

"Oh! Right, right..."

Suddenly, Spopovitch popped out of King Yemma's pants and handed Cell a small key. "Here. Use this to enter Earth and wreck havoc...but you gotta take me with you!"

Taking the key, Cell sneered, "Oh yeah? Why should we?"

"Because..." Spopovitch pulled out a single hair on his head, causing an entire afro to grow out. "I GOTZ ME AN AFRO!"

Cell nodded. "Yes. You definitely can come now, then!"

"SHOOP DA WHOOP!"

And so, Cell, Frieza and SpopoBITCH headed out back to Earth to take over once again!

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"

Cell gasped and looked around wildly. "...WHO SAID THAT?"

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"

Shrugging, Cell continued onward. However, a massive shadow was now following him...and that shadow belonged to Guldo.


	3. Amish Paradise

CHAPTAH 3!!

_Meanwhile, Vegeta was sitting at the counter in Taco Bell, and he finally bought his so-desired burrito..._

While Vegeta was busy eating his spicy burrito, he noticed a flier lying on the seat next to him. It was an advertisement for an open teaching position at Orange Star High as the new coach. Picking up the paper, Vegeta stared at it for a moment before saying, "Hmm...interesting...maybe I can become a teacher and finally get away from Bulma..."

"Oh? Didn't you hear? Only pedophiles and gay people work in the educational system! HAH HA HA! YOU BE A FAG, GOOD SIR!" remarked the overweight old chef, who was busy working the greasers. Snarling, Vegeta finished off the rest of the burrito and smashed the chef's face into the hot burning vat of oil and left him there.

As Vegeta exited the building, a huge explosion erupted right in front of him. A duck, two pigs and Master Roshi were sent flying off to Namek as a result.

"D-DAMMIT! WHY DOES SOMETHING BAD ALWAYS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME WHENEVER I'M FEATURED IN ONE OF THESE SPIN-OFF SHOWS?!" Vegeta cried, cursing his unfortunate luck.

When the smoke cleared, three figures were now standing in front of Vegeta...it was Cell, Frieza and SpopoBITCH! Then, Guldo popped his head out of SpopoBITCH's afro and exclaimed, "IT'S FOUR GUYS, YOU FAGGOTZ! KWHEEEEEEAH!"

Vegeta gasped. "NO, IT CAN'T BE! YOU'RE...YOU'RE..."

"Yes, Veggieta! Speak our names in apparent fear!" Cell cackled, "SPEAK THE NAMES OF THE ONES WHO HAVE COME BACK TO DESTROY YOU AND PURCHASE BIOSHOCK FOR THE PS3 ONCE AND FOR ALL!"

'...I'm gonna buy Barbie Horse Adventures: Wild Horse Rescue for the PlayStation 2...' Frieza thought with a smirk.

Removing his clothes, Vegeta exclaimed, "NOW, I KNOW WHO YOU ALL ARE! YOU'RE...YOU'RE...YOU'RE JASON MRAZ! ...Man, your song was gay!"

"MY NAME IS NOT JASON MRAZ! IT'S...DUH...CELL! IT'S CELL!" Cell cried.

Picking his nose, Vegeta nodded. "Yeah. You're right. And that fag lizard man standing next to you and gently caressing your cheek with a loving look in his eyes...he's Bill Cosby, right? I got some jello for him...if ya know what I mean, heh heh heh..."

Frieza, in his unbridled fury, fired several laser beams at Vegeta, but they were all just made by green-sceen effects, so nothing happened. "MY NAME IS...UM...JAMES COOK- NO...I MEAN...IT'S FRIEZA!"

Vegeta flipped through a yaoi doujinshi he found in Trunks' room and then said, "Okay. And those last two...they're SpopoBITCH and Feliz Navidad, correcto-mundo?"

"UH...YOU'RE WRONG AGAIN! WELL, ACTUALLY...YOU GOT SPOPOBITCH RIGHT, BUT FELIZ NAVIDAD IS 'MERRY CHRISTMAS' IN SPANISH, YOU FUCKIN' MORON!"

'Wait...why am I SpopoBITCH now...?' wondered SpopoBITCH.

"Whatevers, G-Men." Vegeta replied as he pulled out his wallet. Taking out a picture, he held it up and said, "Here, wanna see my son? He looks just like me nowadays..."

The photo was of a young boy...with an elephant head.

'OH...MY...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD!' Cell thought.

"Isn't he adorable?!" Vegeta exclaimed, gushing over the fact he actually has offspring.

However, Guldo wasn't interested in this at all. "CUT IT OUT!" he roared, kicking Vegeta across the face. Shrieking, Vegeta quickly ran behind a postbox and pulled out his cellphone from inside it. As fast as he could, he typed in Bra's phone number...

* * *

_Where does Vegeta call?_

"Ohh, Pan Son...touch me there..." Bra purred as Pan gently groped her breasts. The two of them were lying naked in bed together, and they had just finished their second daily round of good ol' lesbian sex.

Suddenly, Bra's cellphone, which was lying inside her panties on the floor for some reason, suddenly started to ring. Sighing, Bra reached down and flipped it open to see Vegeta was once again calling her.

"Ugh...is it your dad again?" Pan groaned, "He always ruins our sexy time..."

"I know, I know...I'm sorry..." Bra muttered as she held the phone to her ear. "WHAT IS IT, YOU SON OF A BITCH FATHER?! I'M WITH MY FEMALE LOVER RIGHT NOW, AND THIS REALLY ISN'T THE BEST TIME!"

"I'M UNDER ATTACK BY JASON MRAZ AND FELIZ NAVIDAD! SAVE ME, AMERICANS!" Vegeta bawled on the other line.

"NO! SAVE YOURSELF, DUMBASS!" Then, Bra threw her phone out the window and pulled Pan into a deep and passionate kiss.

* * *

_Back to Vegeta..._

"CURSES! MY DREAMS OF GETTING MY DAUGHTER AND HER FEMALE LOVER TO SAVE ME HAVE BEEN SHATTERED!" Vegeta cried, shoving his cellphone down his throat.

Suddenly, Frieza came floating down to the ground in front of him, and with a serious face, he exclaimed, "LANDED."

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!"

Frieza fired another flashy laser beam, and Vegeta quickly jumped to the side. In the end, only the postbox ended up erupting into flames, and Frieza laughed his head off. "NOW PEOPLE'S LETTERS TO GRANDMA WILL NEVER MAIL! WA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"YOU BASTARD!" Vegeta shouted, but he knew that there was no way he could win alone, not against guys like Frieza, Cell, SpopoBITCH...and especially not against Guldo!

'I need Kakorrot's help!' Deciding this, Vegeta flew off to Goku's house, only to find that no one, not even that bitch Chi-Chi, was answering the door. Running around to the side of the house, Vegeta smashed his head through the nearest window and realized he was now looking into Gohan's room; the 45-year-old scholar had just finished eating Icarus' remains.

"Oh! Hey, Vegeta! Did you come to save me?" Gohan asked hopefully.

"Not really." Vegeta replied with a sigh, "But...I suppose if you must. After all, you ARE the spawn of a sayian..."

"...What does that have to do with anything."

An awkward silence. "Nothing really."

'This is as bad as seeing how many crappy fanfics have been written for the DBZ community...jababa, it just hurts to look and it hurts to breath!' Gohan thought, biting his thumb.

Sticking his hands through the window, Vegeta grabbed Gohan by the collar and pulled him straight into the glass and head-first into an oak tree. Flashing a thumbs-up and a cocky grin, Vegeta exclaimed, "ALRIGHT! NOW...BRING ME YOUR DADDY, GOHAN-CHAN!"

Wiping the blood off his face, Gohan stood up and replied, "Sorry...but I can't do that!"

Vegeta gasped. "W-What?"

Gohan put on a serious face and crossed his arms. Closing his eyes, he said, "Vegeta, let me tell you a little story...five years ago, at a random technical institute that not even you OR EVEN Jesus knows about, I met a young man. His name was Fred. Fred...well, he liked to stick things up his buttocks. Pencils, fishcakes, puppies...anything went with that guy. He was the biggest fucked-up douche bag I had ever laid my eyes on. However, when he tried sticking a jeep up his butt, he ended up tearing himself clean in half, and his guts splattered all over ym face...do you see what I mean, Veggieta?"

"...I see what you're trying to say." Vegeta replied, but this was a blatant lie. Still, Gohan Hogan accepted that answer, and he took Vegeta back into the house and led him to the doorway that separated them...from a world of sexual lust that the anime was never allowed to show between Son Goku and Chi-Chi.

"I'm afraid..." Vegeta admitted.

"So am I! Just remember...when IT starts flying all over the room, duck for cover!" Gohan told him.

Vegeta was silent for a moment. "...That's a vulgar joke."

"YES IT IS! NOW LET'S GO!" Gohan exclaimed, and he kicked the door open and transformed into a Super Sayian. "KAMEHAMEHAAAAAAA!!" Then, he fired a giant chi blast into the room and quickly shut the door again.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!" Vegeta cried.

Suddenly, Gohan's cellphone rang and he pulled it out and started speaking in a really retarded voice. "HELLO?! Oh...hey, daddy! LABALABA-LUUUUUUUUUU?! RABARABA-WUUUUUUUUU?! YABBA-DABBA-DUUUUUUUUUUUUU?!"

"WHAT THE WTF R U DU'ING?!" Vegeta cried.

Snapping his cellphone in half, Gohan turned to Vegeta and said in his normal voice, "Dad says he'll join up with us later. We'll go ahead and take down those bastards ourselves!"

"...YEAH! LET'S DO IT!" Vegeta exclaimed.

And so, after sharing a passionate kiss, the two of them flew off to Domino City, only to find that Cell, Frieza and the others were doing something they had never expected...

...THEY WERE WRITING ECCHI HETEROSEXUAL ROMANCE MANGA!

'...THE WORST KIND OF MANGA!' Vegeta thought in fury.

"Yes! Make HIM grope HER breasts during that panel! Yeah! Yeah!" Cell ordered Frieza, who was hard at work with his drawings.

"HOW DARE YOU...WHERE'S THE LESBIAN PRON?!" Vegeta shouted insanely, and he fired a giant 'Galick Gun' beam, destroying Frieza's desk completely.

"NO! MY LIFE WORK...IT'S ALL GONE!" Frieza bawled.

Cell glared up at Vegeta and screamed, "I'LL DESTROY YOU!"

Vegeta smirked. "Heh...bring it."

Gohan was impressed with how things were going down. 'Ooh...it's gettin' good!'

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?! This...only Guldo knows the answer!

And now, for our running gag...

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"


	4. You're Pitiful

CHAPTAH 4!

Suddenly, "Juno Reactor vs Don Davis - Navras" from 'The Matrix OST' began to play in the background as Vegeta and Gohan began a long stare-down with Cell and Frieza. No one seemed to have noticed that SpopoBITCH and Guldo were currently missing.

They gave each other nasty glares for about ten minutes when Gohan decided to glance at his watch. "Wow...so this is how animators use up 30 minutes worth of animation based on a manga with battles that are actually kind of short..." he commented, checking what time it was in Tokyo, Japan.

"Hey...it just gives fangirls more time to look at my AWESOME abs!" Vegeta exclaimed, flexing his muscles.

'I liked the OC Vegeta better...' Gohan thought.

"ARE YOU READY...TO GO DOWN?" Cell mocked, doing a thumbs-down.

"YES...LET US GO!"

Then, Vegeta reached into his pocket...and pulled out a Wiimote.

'OH DEAR GOD!' Cell thought, horrified.

Smirking at the frightened look on Cell's face, Vegeta reached into his other pocket...and pulled out a Wii Nunchuk.

"Y...You wouldn't...you bastard...don't do it..." Cell stammered. His fear was growing with every second.

Vegeta chuckled. "Sorry...but I will!" Then, he attached the Wiimote to the nunchuk.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Screeching loudly and covering his ears(does he have any?) with his hands, Cell ran off in the opposite direction. Snickering, Vegeta flew after him with the Wiimote-Nunchuk combo still in hand.

"GUH?! CELL-CHAN, COME BACK TO MEEEEE!" Frieza cried, but the android was already long gone.

"...I guess it's just you and me, Frieza..."

Turning around, Frieza now found himself face to face with a rather confident-looking Gohan..and he was dressed as Neo from _The Matrix _to further lengthen the joke at the beginning of this chapter. Even worse, Frieza now found himself cosplaying as Smith.

"I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world ... without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you." Gohan stated, looking way cooler than should be physically possible.

"And tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you're unable to speak?" Frieza replied, also attempting to act cool but utterly failing at it.

A cold wind blew past, and Gohan's awesome shades were blown off.

"My name's not 'Mr. Anderson'..."

"Apparently so."

Then, they were just about to start fighting...but Frieza quickly pulled out a pistol and shot Gohan in the knee.

Falling to the ground, Gohan cupped his knee and screamed, "OH MY FUDGIN' GOD, YOU SON 'OVA BITCH! YOU SHOT ME IN THE KNEE! JEEZUS CHWUST, IT HURTS! GAAAAAAH!"

"HA HA HA! I JUST PWN3D YOU, DUMBASS! GWA HA HA!" Frieza cackled.

"Uh...best two out of three?" Gohan asked meekly.

"SOWWY...NO CAN DO!" Frieza aimed the pistol at Gohan's face this time and prepared to pull the trigger.

Closing his eyes, Gohan thought, 'OKAY, I GOTTA STAY POSITIVE! This...This is Anime, right? I'm pretty sure, like always, just as someone is about to be killed, the main hero or some other strong guy appears, saves you and then kicks the crap out of the enemy that seemed impossible to beat only moments ago! Yeah, that's what'll happen...fer shur...I'll be saved...'

However, no one came, and poor Gohan was shot in the face. Frieza was beginning to rethink the whole 'chi-blasts kill everything' idea he had always followed. 'GUNS ARE BETTER! MUCH BETTER!"

A moment later, Piccolo flew down and cried, "OH! I GUESS I WAS A BIT LATE, HUH?!"

"You sure were!" Frieza snapped. Then, he noticed a bottle of Renegade(tm) soda in Piccolo's green hands.

"WHO LOVES RENEGADE SODA?!" he shouted.

"PICCOLO LOVES RENEGADE SODA!" Piccolo replied.

"IS IT...TRUE?" Frieza asked.

Rubbing the bottle lovingly against his cheek, Piccolo exclaimed, "MM-HMM! I DO, I DO, I DO-OOOH!"

Removing his Smith cosplay outfit, Frieza grunted, "Alright, I hope we don't have to do any more Kenan and Kel references...wanna get some spicy burritos?"

Piccolo shrugged. "Sure. I got more than enough money to buy the whole frickin' store now anyway...besides, I haven't had a home-cooked meal since mother left for lumberjack school..."

"I...DROPPED THE TETRIS...IN THE MOTHERFUCKER!"

"...That's really annoying..."

"Sorry."

And so, Frieza and Piccolo skipped merrily along to the Taco Bell down the street, leaving Gohan's corpse behind, which was quickly feasted upon by the vultures and city hobos...

* * *

Vegeta didn't seem embarrassed at all as he paced through the giant outlet mall, looking everywhere for Cell and still carrying the Wiimote/Nunchuk. 'I was sure I saw him run into this friggin' place...where the hell could he be...?' the pointy-haired saiyan wondered.

Suddenly, Vegeta heard someone sneeze behind him, and he spun around. It was Cell.

"Uh...stop looking at me." Cell snapped, wiping his nose.

"Oh. Sorry." Vegeta replied, and then he turned back around...and Cell quickly ran off again.

'Okay...now where is that stupid android freak?' Vegeta continued his search, never the wiser.

Guldo and SpopoBITCH, who had actually just gone to the arcade to spend their quarters for no apparent reason, noticed Vegeta walking by and decided to take things into their own hands.

Snickering, Guldo jumped at Vegeta with intentions on strangling him, but the saiyan prince suddenly did a spin-kick out of nowhere and smacked poor Guldo right through the wall.

'Whoa! this Veggieta guy is nutso-freako!' SpopoBITCH thought in horror, 'Without even needing his eyes, he was able to sense Guldo approaching! Man...he's one scary mofo! I would hate to end up on the tip of his hatred stick, no kiddin'! Can we...can we really win?! I'M SO AFRAID, MOMMY...'

"Ahh...I love doing random spin-kicks...it wakes me up and makes me feel fresh like a daisy in the spring time of New Hampshire..." Vegeta said with a satisifed sigh.

"IT...IT WAS JUST A RANDOM SPIN-KICK?!"

Unsure of what to do, SpopoBITCH continued to play the Simpsons Arcade game and pretend that nothing happened...

* * *

_Meanwhile, back in the Underworld..._

Now having diffused from the lion back in chapter 2, Majin Boo was just sitting on the ground and sleeping. He had failed to escape to Earth with Cell and Frieza, and now he was stuck in the blasted Underworld once again. All he wanted to do was type up a certain post on a certain forum, but since Hell had no Internet connection...what could he do?

At that moment, an idea finally came to him.

Standing up, Majin Boo held out his palm and said, "Door." Then, a bland wooden door formed out of nowhere. Majin Boo grabbed the handle and opened it. Looking inside, a wide toothy grin formed on his lips; he had opened up an inter-dimensional gateway...

...to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.


	5. Bohemian Polka

CHAPTER 5!

"OOMPA LOOMPA-"

"SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! GIVE ME THE CANDY, FUGGERS!" Majin Boo snapped, and he snapped the Oompa Loompa's neck with a powerful uppercut punch. Behind him was a large pile of other Oompa Loompas, all of them having met their end at the pink djinn's hands. He was currently inside the main production belt of the massive factory, and several Oompa Loompas looked on in horror, too afraid to come in the way of a creature that can easily kill them with a single hit.

However, one of the Oompa Loompas there actually WASN'T an Oompa Loompa...if that makes any sense.

"COME ON...WHERE'S THE CHOCOLATE?!" Majin Boo roared, tossing a rather chubby Oompa Loompa into the cheese shredder. Suddenly, he let out a grunt as a chi blast smacked into his back. Spinning around, he exclaimed, "WHO DID THAT?!"

The perp was none other than an Oompa Loompa...with a tail. "I MAY LOOK LIKE AN OOMPA LOOMPA," he exclaimed, "BUT IN REALITY...I AM A SAIYAN!"

Majin Boo spat to the side. "Feh. Doesn't matter what you are...I'll still kill you."

"Bring it...spazzy-bot."

'S...SPAZZY-BOT?!'

Suddenly, the Oompa Loompa powered up and he immediately became a super saiyan, his green hair transforming into a beautiful golden color. "NOW I CAN KILL YOU!" It boasted before flying straight at Majin Boo...and it got its head smashed in, killing the saiyan Oompa Loompa instantly.

"...Who's next?" Majin Boo snarled, and the other Oompa Loompas cursed their fate for letting Larry play in all the Reindeer games...

* * *

'Man, I'm bored...' Cell thought as he sat on the librarian's lap and read a rather large book about L33T Speak.

"GET OFFA ME, RUNT!" The librarian snapped, kicking Cell through the wall, and he was now back inside the mall.

'UH...WHEN DID I LEAVE HERE?' Cell wondered with a shocked look on his face. He was in diapers now for some reason too.

Suddenly, Vegeta came rushing around the corner wearing woman's clothes and carrying a bagpipe with him. he was also wearing mime face paint, and several peacocks and an orangutan were following close behind him. A second after he ran by Cell in a frantic hurry, several policemen came running around the corner, ordering for Vegeta to stop this instant. Once they were all gone, Cell shrugged and walked away.

'I wonder where I can buy me some BioShock?'

However, all the Gamestop stores had been destroyed during the rampage.

Falling to his knees, Cell threw his hands into the air and screamed, "WWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

Then, a Big Daddy landed on top of Cell and started thrusting its drill arm into the poor android's face...

* * *

"...Wait, I hate burritos!" Frieza exclaimed, tossing his disgusting foodstuffs into Piccolo's face. "Let's get some rice crackers instead."

"Fine with me." replied Piccolo.

Suddenly, Goku landed down in front of them and said, "Hey, guys! I'm finally here! And look...I brought Chi-Chi too!"

"Uh...that's Android 17, Son Goku. Why are you so stupid?"

Goku glanced at the woman he was holding in his arms and realized it was indeed Android 17. "Wow...I didn't know you were my wife."

#17 shrugged. "Neither did I."

"YOU TWO ARE NOT MARRIED!" Piccolo snapped, slapping Goku across the face.

A moment of silence, and then Goku slapped Piccolo across the face.

A moment of silence, and then Piccolo slapped Goku across the face.

A moment of silence, and then Goku slapped Piccolo across the face.

A moment of silence, and then Piccolo slapped Goku across the face.

"THIS IS ANNOYING!" Frieza cried.

Hopping out of Goku's arms as the saiyan man and Piccolo started a bitch-slap fight, #17 walked over to Frieza and asked, "Hey, you're cute...wanna go out?"

"Sure!"

Holding hands, they happily skipped off to Rainbow-Ville...except they ended up in Homophobe-Town instead.

**_THE END_**

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"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!" Broly screamed for the hundreth time.

"Hold on!" Vegeta exclaimed, "Is that really the end?!"

"I suppose so..." replied Goku.

"BUT THIS IS A SUCKISH ENDING!"

"WELL, IT'S A SUCKISH FIC, SO DEAL WITH IT!"

"AGENTS...ARE...GGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"


	6. VIRUS ALERT! Not Really

CHAPTER 6!

"HEY, FOLKS! WELCOME BACK...TO DRAGON BALL C!" Cell announced, waving to all the generous readers out there. He was dressed like a game show host and standing in the middle of a large stage. A single spotlight hung over him, dazzling like a thousand radiant suns of Ethiopia.

Running onto the stage, and dressed like a Disney Princess, Frieza exclaimed, "W-What a minute here?! Are you...are you telling me we're actually continuing the fic?!"

"I don't see why not. At least we won't have to do something like fight the next two contending presidential candidates or something...ah heh heh...HOLY CRAP, THEY'RE HERE!" Cell cried when he realized Obama and McCain were standing right next to him.

Jumping backwards to a safer distance, the two presidential candidates performed the Fusion Dance at perfect accuracy and unleashed their new form...McObainma, The Number-One Scourge of Dairy Farmers Everywhere!

"This is stupid." Freiza commented before blowing McObainma to pieces with a single chi blast.

Cell blinked a few times, and then sighed in relief. "I guess in the end...NOT EVEN CONGRESS COULD SAVE HIM! HA HA HA HA HA HA-"

Dressed as Phoenix Wright, Frieza exclaimed, "OBJECTION!...Your political jokes suck."

"Well, EXCUSE ME, I was just trying to lighten the mood since you just killed the only two guys running for high office, you dick-"

Suddenly, Goku and Vegeta walked onto the stage. "D00DS! DIS B OUR SHOW! GTFO! NAO!" They both snapped, but Cell kicked them in the faces.

Popping his head out of the ground, Piccolo smiled and said, "Alright, we're gonna continue where we left off...sorta. However, all curse words will now be censored!"

"WHAT?! HOW WILL THE EVEN WORK?!"

"You'll see...you'll see...heh heh heh..."

* * *

_Last time on DBC, Vegeta had finally cornered Cell at the Palisades Mall...wait, this didn't happen last time!_

Cell whimpered as Vegeta drew closer; the android was caught in a corner, and the saiyan prince was aiming his Wiimote right at him. Cell had never been so afraid in his life.

"Finally...after seven f-wordin' years, I can finally get you back for all the s-word you pulled in junior high, you mf-wordin' b-word!" Vegeta snarled, waving the Wiimote around as if he was playing tennis.

"Please...please, Vegeta! Don't...don't f-wordin' hurt meeee! I'm sorrrry..." Cell whined.

"SHUT UP, YOU DUMB A-WORD B-WORD! I OUGHTA STICK THIS F-WORDIN' THING UP YOUR F-WORDIN' A-WORD! YOU...uh, can we turn off the censors? It's really annoying."

Taking out a remote from his pocket, Cell pressed a red button and then put it away again. "You may continue now free of censors, my good man..."

"Thank you." Vegeta replied, "ANYWAY, I'M GONNA SLICE OFF YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN-"

"...TETRIS!"

Suddenly, Cell pulled out a book and threw it at Vegeta's face, only for it to land at the saiyan's feet without even hurting him...obviously.

"WHAT THE H-WORD DID YOU JUST DO?!" Vegeta snapped.

"Check it out." Cell told him.

Picking up the book, Vegeta read it aloud: "Majin Boo...and the Chocolate Factory? What the fuck is this?!"

Cell shrugged and replied, "Beats me. All the books about Willy Wonka, even the Glass Elevator one, are now all about Majin Boo oddly enough...who woulda thunk it?"

"No, man...this seriously isn't right! Something is going on wihin the cosmos!" Vegeta exclaimed, tearing the book in half and then eating it.

Standing up, Cell held out his hand and said, "I guess, then...it's up to us together...AS A TEAM...to fix this? Right...partner?"

Vegeta winced. "...Are you hitting on me?"

"Your nipples are showing through your tight suit."

"O RLY?"

"YA RLY!"

"Why thank you!"

"...YOU RUINED THE JOKE."

And so...Vegeta captured a Lv. 56 Cell!

It's stats:

HP: 500,

ATK: 45,

DEF: 30,

SP. ATK: 70,

SP. DEF: 12!

Together, Vegeta and Cell...go off and do something instead of what they actually planned to do in the first place.

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

After narrowly escaping Baron Von Homo, Frieza and Android 17 were now hanging out at a gay bar, but they didn't feel like doing anything except drink and talk...it wasn't 'horny time' yet.

"I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR, GAY BAR, GAY BAR! LET'S START A WAR! LET'S START A NUCLEAR WAR! IN THE GAY BAR, GAY BAR, GAY BAR! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

"GAY BOYFRIEND! GAY BOYFRIEND! I DON'T REALLY CARE THAT YOU ARE QUEER!"

Staring at the bartender's fat ass, Frieza took a sip of alcohol and muttered, "You know...I've been thinking..."

"Well, to answer your thoughts...I really AM this handsome." Android 17 replied with a smirk.

"NOT THAT, YOU IDIOT!" Frieza snarled, "It's just...I think we got the luck of the draw. We all did."

"...Exsqueeze me?"

Sighing, Frieza motioned his hands around in an erotic fashion as he explained, "Look, I've been thinking about everything that's happened in the last few chapters and I'm beginning to think we were only lucky to get to be the basis for this crazy crackiness. I mean, just about any other series, even Full House, could've pulled this off. We need to do something that is only possible if this fic had DBZ characters and no other exception!"

Android 17 let that whole speech sink in for a moment. "...Is there going to be some sort of pun?"

"NO!"

"...Will there be fishcakes?"

"...Maybe. I'm not sure. I haven't checked."

"GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!"

Reaching into his pocket, Android 17 pulled out a folder with Cell's name written on the front in big bold letters. Smirking, he said, "In here, my good gay alien man friend, is the start of a whole new arc of disturbing madness..."

"What could it be?" Frieza asked, "Something about Cell-chan I don't know about? That's kind of impossible...YABBA-GABBA 2008!"

Opening the folder, Android 17 took out a single paper entitled 'BIRTH AGE'. "Look...he's actually only 13 years old."

Frieza's face fell. "I...I...I HAD BONDAGE SEX WITH A MINOR?!"

Everyone in the bar stopped what they were doing, turned to Frieza, and pulled out their cellphones almost simultaneously. "Hello...Police? We finally found that pale, lizard pedophile..."

"CURSES! LET US RIDE!" Android 17 snapped, grabbing Frieza by the wrist. The two of them ran outside, and there happened to be a large white horse waiting for them. Hopping on top and pulling Frieza along, Android 17 stuck the key into the ignition, and the horse soon roared to life.

"HIGH-HO...SILVERRRRRRRRR!!"

And so, the two of them rode off into the night, eventually escaping the police cars chasing after them, thanks to Krillin, who was caught raping a prostitute. However, the chase started all over again when Android 17 shot Krillin through the head for cheating on his sister #18.

Anyway...let's get on with it.

* * *

_The next day..._

Chi-Chi smiled a bit when she noticed that they were finally nearing the school. Since Goku and Piccolo were in the hospital after their violent bitch-slap fight, Chi-Chi had to drive the three boys to school.

Looking over, she smiled at Goten, Trunks, and Cell and said, "Alright, boys...we're here. Be good at school, okay? Trunks, you too. I don't want your mother being disappointed in you. You better do well especially, Cell, because you've missed so much school these past few years..."

"HEY, I CAN'T HELP IT IF YOUR SON KILLED ME!" Cell snapped, a 'Samurai Pizza Cats' lunchbox in his hands, "But...why the hell do I have to go to school with these brats? I'm a mf-wordin' android, for crying out loud! I...AM...SUPER INTELLIGENT!"

"Oh yeah? What's 2 + 2?" Chi-Chi remarked.

Cell thought for a while. "4."

"...I hate you."

"WHAT DID I DO, WOMAN?! GOD!"

No other words were said until Chi-Chi brought the car to the front of the school and parked. Unlocking the door, Chi-Chi climbed out as well along with the three boys. She gave Goten a quick kiss on the cheek, wished Trunks a good day, flashed a hateful glare at Cell, and then got back into her car so she could drive off to the nearest gay bar and fulfill her deep lustful desires of...never mind.

"This is so exciting, Cell-kun! You're our new classmate!" Goten exclaimed happily.

Cell grunted. "Yeah, whatever..."

Suddenly, Trunks said, "You know what's really weird? Gohan is an adult and married to Videl, and Pan and Bra are both currently around and at the age of sexual identity...so why the fuck are we still kids? Plus, we were only seven during the Boo saga...and now we're 13. It's better than nothing, but-"

"BECAUSE...WE'RE MALE LOLIS!" Goten explained, and he left it at that.

Cell sighed and palm-faced. 'Oh vey...this is gonna suck..'

As the three of them headed into the elementary school, a mysterious figure with short light-blue hair, a Capsule Corp. jacket and a sword strapped on his back was watching them from afar.

"Ah! Stone the flaming crows, the dingos ate my baby!" he exclaimed before warping off.

...And, no, it's not Broly. "LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?! Isn't it so obvious who that Aussie was, though?!


	7. Like A Surgeon

CHAPTER 7!

--

Up on Kami's Lookout, Dende was just lying around in the middle of the floor, as drunk as a skunk and as high as a fly. 'Damn...life is as suckish as a hamburger withoutz ketchup...' the green man thought with a heavy sigh.

Suddenly, his life became a little more interesting when Bra and Pan flew onto the scene, holding hands and looking faggy as usual.

"Yo...whaatz duz yoou loovly laddies waant?" Dende asked, staggering as he attempted to stand up.

"Dende...we want the fuckin' dragon balls." Pan said, holding out a pistol and getting straight to the point.

"W...What for?"

"Well," Bra explained, blushing a bit, "We wanted...we wanted to ask Shenron to make me pregnant with our lovechild!"

Dende was silent for a moment. "...You want Shenron's lovechild?!"

Bra scowled. "NO, YOU IDIOT! ME AND PAN! I WANNA HAVE PAN'S BABIES!"

Smiling affectionately and wrapping her arms around Bra's waist, Pan purred, "Is that...really true, my love?"

Kissing her lover passionately on the lips, Bra replied, "Yes...I want to start a family with you as mai waifu."

Dende smirked at the scene and nodded his head. 'HELLZ YEAH! MR. POPO IS MAI WAIFU, TOO!'

"Anyway...give us the dragon balls." Pan said again.

"Uh...isn't using the dragon balls just to get get a lovechild out of your lesbian tendencies a little...selfish? C'mon, at least help me get some friends! Please! I can't stand this existence any longer!" Dende pleaded, getting on his knees.

Bra sighed. "Fine, how about...WE WISH THAT IT IS POSSIBLE FOR LESBIAN COUPLES TO BECOME IMPREGNATED...WITHOUT NEEDING MALE GENITALIA?!"

"Oh! I like that one! You're so smart, mai waifu!" Pan exclaimed, hugging Bra in a loving embrace.

Dende cursed under his breath and grumbled, "Damn lesbians...always trying to put me down! Where's my futanari?!"

"OH, YOU ANNOYING WEABOOS AND YOUR DISGUSTING JAPANESE PORN! OH HO HO!" MR. Popo laughed before being shot down by Pan.

--

Meanwhile...

"Good morning, class!" the teacher exclaimed as she walked into the classroom. All of the students were in their seats, including Cell, but he had to sit with his knees up due to the desk being too small. 'I feel like L from Death Note!' Cell thought happily as he stuck a sugar cube into his mouth and put on a wig of messy black hair.

"MORNIN', TEACH!" responded the students. Looking around, Cell realized that all the kids, including the fat retard sitting next to him that just shitted in his own pants, all looked about 8 or 9 years old.

"HOLD ON," Cell cried, "I THOUGHT GOTEN AND TRUNKS WERE 13! WHY ARE WE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL?!"

Trunks, who was sitting in the seat in front of Cell, sighed and replied, "Goten and me had alot of home schooling when we were younger, and eventually our parents got sick of it, so we're behind in our public education as well..."

"Hmm. That makes sense, but...WHERE DID GULDO AND SPOPOBITCH GO OFF TO?" Cell then asked.

"We're right here." said Guldo and SpopoBITCH, who were sitting together in the front row of the class.

"Argh! All my questions have been answered!" Cell admitted, and then he looked at the person sitting by the window...and it was Gohan, alive and well.

'OH...MY...GOD.'

Anyway, the teacher's name was Ms. Doobie, and she started writing a long algebraic equation on the blackboard. "Okay, class...to start off today's lesson, can anyone answer this easy math question? 6 - 1?"

Raising his hand, Goten cried, "MEEEEEE! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME! I CAN ANSWER IT, YOU STUPID MF-WORDIN' BITCH! PICK ME! PICK ME NOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

The teacher nodded, and then turned to Cell. "...What's the answer, Cell?"

Standing up, Cell thought about it for a moment. "N equals 7."

"THAT'S RIGHT! HERE'S A COOKIE!" Ms. Doobie exclaimed, tossing an old oatmeal cookie into Cell's mouth, who started choking on it.

'Cell...he answered MY question,' Goten thought, his left eye twitching violently, 'I...I'M GONNA KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER...BUT I'LL MAKE HIM PLAY TETRIS FIRST!'

And so, Goten's expression became intense and he began plotting his evil revenge.

Here's the class roster, by the way: 18 unimportant brats with absolutely no living value, Cell, Goten, Trunks, Guldo, SpopoBITCH and Gohan. Weird, ain't it?

--

Back at Capsule Corp., Vegeta was just sitting in the living room and watching Spongebob Squarepants. Laughing joyously, he exclaimed, "Oh, Patrick! When will you ever learn? Wa ha ha ha..."

Bulma walked into the room with her hands on her hips and exclaimed, "Vegeta, I thought you said you were going to train!"

"I only say that when Trunks is around so he won't think badly of me." Vegeta snapped, "Besides...it's a goddamn Spongebob marathon, woman! There's no way I could miss that! Now be quiet! Squidward is going into another rant about how much his life sucks...heh heh..."

Bulma sighed. "Vegeta, don't you think...maybe we could...look, let's just make love again, okay? We haven't done it once since Trunks was born!"

"That's because...you don't make bacon anymore." Vegeta replied solemnly.

"...What?"

Standing up, Vegeta turned around to face Bulma, and the blue-haired woman was surprised to see tears forming in her husband's eyes. "Bulma...you don't make bacon anymore. You don't make bacon anymore. You don't...make bacon anymore..."

"I...I don't get it. Is there a pun?" Bulma asked in confusion.

Vegeta shook his head and walked out of the living room in pitiful sobs, leaving Bulma feeling guilty for some reason.

'HE JUST WANTED SOME FUCKIN' BACON?!'

Then, Vegeta rushed back in, grabbed Bulma by the hair, and smashed her face-first through the television. After that, he got into a school bus he had hijacked earlier that day and drove off to visit Goku in the hospital...

--

"Lemon...chowder."

--

After having escaped from the police AND Baron Von Homo, Frieza and Android 17 sat by the edge of a river and skipped rocks to pass the time.

"Hey, Frieza?"

"Yeah?"

Android 17 stopped in mid-toss and turned his gaze to the alien lizard man. "I have cancer."

Frieza froze on the spot. "R...Really?" he stammered.

Android 17 smiled innocently and stuck out his tongue all cute-like. "NAAAAAAW! I BE JOKIN'!"

The two of them then laughed for a bit, before Frieza punched Android 17 in the gut for lying.

"LET'S PLAY SOME SSBB, MOTHERFUCKER!"

"...I'd rather play Tetris."


	8. Bedrock Anthem

_Gym time at the elementary school..._

"...Are you sure the school gave me the right gym uniform?" Cell asked, glancing down at the sailor fuku he was now wearing.

The gym teacher, a raging faggot by the name of Smithy, giggled and exclaimed, "OF COURSE! YOU LOOK SO...SO DELICIOUS IN THAT OUTFIT! OOH, I CAN'T STOP DROOLING! AAAAH..."

Cell quickly ran away and hid in the corner for a moment, shaking with fear."I wanna go home, mommy..."

'Look at him! That coy son of a bitch!' Goten thought, clenching his fists so hard they drew blood, 'I'M GONNA KILL HIM! I'M GONNA KILL HIM! I'M GONNA KILL HIM GOOD!'

'I'M GONNA MAKE COOKIES WHEN I GET HOME.' Trunks thought, his rage building.

Walking out in front of the group of elementary kids, which included Cell and Gohan (Guldo and SpopoBITCH were BUSY DOING SOMETHING in the locker room), Smithy put on an army hat and his personality took an immediate 360.

"ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP, MAGGOTS," he snapped, "TODAY...WE'RE GONNA PLAY DODGEBALL! DODGEBALL! DODGEBALL! DODGEBALL-"

"Ehhhhhhhh...why do you keep sayin' it over and over like that, ya fag?" asked a random snot-nosed kid.

"Uh...LET'S START PLAYING!" Smithy cried, and he smashed a ball into the random snot-nosed kid's face.

As balls flew through the air like grenades, Cell did his best to dodge everything that came his way. Quickly snatching up a ball, Goten turned his attention to the android, who had performed an expert-level ballerina move to avoid five balls at once.

'NOW...TO GET MY REVENGE!' Goten thought, licking his lips.

Roaring like a wildeebeast, Goten tossed the ball right at Cell...only Gohan ran in the way at the last second, and got pummeled in the face. Coughing up blood, the older Son son fell backwards and hit the ground with a THUD.

"Ooh...dear..."

"YAY, HE'S OUT! NOW I CAN TAKE HIS PUDDING! BWA HA HA!"

Everyone just stood still for a moment as they stared at Gohan, who wasn't moving at all. Then, without warning, Gohan stood back up, brushed himself off, and smiled widely.

Some stupid kid standing next to Gohan breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Well, at least Gohan ain't hurt-" and then he got kicked so hard in the gut it sent him flying off into outer space with a trail of puke left in his wake.

Wiping off his shoe, Gohan smirked evilly and remarked, "Ah, yeah...it's good to be evil, baby." A large 'L' (you know what it stands for) formed on Gohan's forehead, making it more obvious he was now a baddie.

Goten's eyes bulged out of his head. 'OH CRAP...SOMEHOW, THE DODGE BALL HAS UNLEASHED HIS EVIL SIDE!'

'...Am I gonna get my ass kicked again?' Cell wondered in fear.

Suddenly, the outside sky grew dark, and the students began to panic. Smithy got so afraid he snatched up several of the students, threw them into his car, and drove back to his house. However, Cell, Gohan, Goten and Trunks all knew what was happening.

'EITHER IT'S THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF AQUARIUS...OR SOMEONE'S USING THE DRAGON BALLS!'

Smirking, Gohan said, "Yes...how fortunate. I've been waiting for this!" Then, he quickly flew off into the sky.

Goten cursed aloud and put on a pair of sunglasses. Then, his body melted into a metallic liquid and he sunk through the floor without any explanation.

"Damn...I didn't know Goten could do that," Trunks cried, "Hmph...been watching too many _Terminator _movies, that kid..."

Glancing around, Cell asked as he put on a bald wig and oversized glasses, "So...what should we do now? I definitely don't want to go to English class next period!"

"NEITHER DO I! LET'S GO!" Trunks exclaimed, and he and Cell flew off after Gohan.

* * *

_At the hospital..._

"...WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S ALREADY CHECKED OUT?!" Vegeta snapped, grabbing the nurse at the counter by her breasts.

"He was only in the ER for a few seconds. It was just a freakin' bitch-slap fight!" the nurse cried as she struggled to break free.

Pointing out at the large school bus parked in front of the building, Vegeta snarled, "Listen...I stole a bus and kicked all the kids on board out of the fire safety door just so I could come and see Kakarrot...so, tell me where he is."

"Well...we have Piccolo here."

"I DON'T WANNA SEE THAT BASTARD! HE ATE MY OREOS!...AND MY BACON! AND MY BACON! AND MY BACON!"

Suddenly, Son Goku crashed through the ceiling and landed next to Vegeta. "Hey, Vegeta, I heard you were here so I came to join you. Look, I even brought Chi-Chi!"

Vegeta blinked a few times, and then palm-faced. "Kakarrot...you stupid turd...look at who you're holding..."

Goku did as demanded, and he realized he was actually holding Hercule in his arms instead of his wife.

"...I didn't know you were my wife." Goku said, bewildered.

Hercule shrugged. "Neither did I."

"ARGH! WE'VE ALREADY DONE THIS JOKE! GOD...CAN THINGS GET ANY WORSE?!" Vegeta exclaimed, clutching his head.

"Well, it seems that someone has summoned Shenron...they're all stored at Dende's place for only the most dire of times. I wonder what's up." Goku noted, glancing out at the darkened sky.

Vegeta shrugged. "Let's go check it out. It's better than hanging out with Ms. Blabs-A-Lot here."

"YOU COULD LET GO OF MY BOOBS NOW, YOU KNOW!" the nurse snapped.

And so, Goku, Vegeta and Hercule (Goku's waifu) headed off to Kami's tower, hoping they would find something actually INTERESTING to do...

* * *

Andriod 18 tore off her shirt and bra...only to find out that Fat Boo's head was censoring both her nipples.

"OH CRAP!"

* * *

Bra and Pan had never been more excited as they watched the almighty magical dragon Shenron emerge from the Dragonballs. Dende, who was lying on the floor again, just giggled to himself and tried a pitiful attempt at making snow angels without any snow. Mr. Popo took pictures and sold them off the internet for a good laugh.

The moment Shenron caught sight of the lesbian couple, however, he palm-faced and grumbled, "UGH...YOU TWO AGAIN? JEEZUS, I ALREADY GAVE YOU ALL THE SEX TOYS YOU COULD EVER HAVE, WHY MUST YOU BOTHER ME AGAIN? I MEAN...DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY SLEEPLESS NIGHTS I'VE BEEN THROUGH AFTER THOUGHTS OF WHAT YOU TWO WOULD DO WITH A DILDO AND STRAP-ON ENTERED MY MIND! GOD, I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE OF BLOOD LOSS! ...SO WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?"

Holding their hands together tightly, the two women exclaimed, "SHENRON, WE WANT-"

Suddenly, Gohan flew up out of nowhere and snapped, "SHENRON, I WISH FOR MY GREATEST DREAM...GREAT SAIYACITY!"

Shenron nodded, and then snapped his fingers. "Yabba dee...yabba daa..." The entire sky soon became to twist and turn, and the world itself started to shatter and break apart. Something was coming...something horrible.

"NOOOOOOOO..." Bra and Pan cried, falling to their knees in defeat.

Soon, Goku, Vegeta, Hercule, Cell and Trunks appeared at the scene. "G-GOHAN...DON'T TELL ME YOU WISHED FOR BUTTER ON YOUR TOAST?!" Goku barked.

Gohan smirked and held his arms out wide. "Father...YOU LIVE IN MY WORLD NOW!"

"EGG YOLK!"

Then...everything fell into darkness. However, Vegeta just hung there for a bit before he vanished as well.

"Oh, god..." he whispered, "Don't tell me...Chuck E. Cheese isn't going to appear, is he?"

What will happen next? Only Guldo knows...WHY DOES HE KNOW EVERYTHING, ANYWAY?!


	9. Canadian Idiot

"You know...we never used our age-old catchphrase last chapter."

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Yup. That's the one. I wonder what this means for humanity, then..."

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"

"...This is as bad as reading Supreme Kai X Gohan fanfics..."

"I WROTE SOME OF THEM, YA KNOW!"

"Yes...I know."

* * *

Goku awoke with a gasp and he quickly sat up. He looked around and realized he was in bed, and everything appeared normal. Chi-Chi was lying with her back to him, and her steady breathing was the only sound in the room.

'Phew...I guess we're okay, then...' Goku thought. Climbing out of bed, Goku made sure not to wake up Chi-Chi as he tip-toed out into the hallway. As usual, Gohan's bedroom door was covered in chains, so all was right with the world.

As he walked past the window, which showed a large Utopian city many miles away with a sign that read 'GREAT SAIYACITY' hovering over it, Goku sighed and said, "Man...I was really afraid something was gonna happen with that wish Gohan made. Good thing it was all just a dream..."

Suddenly, when Goku walked into the kitchen, he saw a horrid sight: the Great Saiyaman was going through his fridge.

"GOHAN!" Goku snapped, "LISTEN..YOU WEREN'T FUNNY THEN, AND YOU SURE AS HELL AIN'T FUNNY NOW! TAKE THAT DAMN COSTUME OFF AND GET OVER HERE BEFORE I DRESS YOU UP LIKE SOLID SNAKE AGAIN!"

The Great Saiyaman lifted his head...and Goku realized it was actually Goten.

"GOTEN?! WHAT THE HELL?!"

Goten glanced down and shrieked. "W...Why the hell am I wearing this?!" he cried in horror.

"YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE YOU WERE WEARING IT?!" Goku exclaimed.

Waving his hands like crazy, Goten replied, "I WAS JUST SMOKIN' BEANS, MAN! I WAS JUST SMOKIN' BEANS!"

Goku was at a loss.

"...Meh, this is as bad as the time I found out that Linkin Park was considered an 'emo band'!" remarked a familiar voice.

Turning around, Goku saw Vegeta...except now he looked like he did in Dragon Ball GT, with a moustache.

Jumping back, Goku gasped, "V-VEGETA! DON'T MOVE! WHY THE HELL IS THERE A BLACK RAT CHEWING ON YOUR FACE?!"

"THIS ISN'T A RAT, YOU FUCKIN' DUMBASS! IT'S MY MOUSTACHE!" Vegeta snapped, and he dressed up as Mario for emphasis.

Goku made a happy face worthy of a 3rd grade retard. "DOH! ...Man, you look like Eddie Mercury with that moustache."

"Meanwhile, back at the RANCH," Goten snapped, "For some reason, I'm dressed in Gohan's flippy costume. Anyone have any clues why?"

Goku, Vegeta and Goten all thought for a very long time.

"I lost to a Pikachu once in a boxing match..." Goku admitted.

"The toll-bridge in my brain is currently being hijacked by terrorists..." Vegeta explained.

"...My burrito fell apart." Goten said, staring at the contents of said burrito splattered on the ground.

Suddenly, the ground burst open, and Yamcha, Tien and Krillin popped out. Striking poses, they all exclaimed in unsion, "WE KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!"

"OMG...who are you bastards?" Goku asked.

"W-WHAT?! GOKU...IT'S US! YOUR BUDDIES!" Krillin stammered.

Goku shook his head. "Nope. Why would I have three friends who are completely useless to the series after the Saiyan saga?! Actually, you guys were useless then, too..."

"YEAH! AND THAT WAS BACK IN THE BEGINNING OF THE SERIES! YOU BASTARDS SUCK!" Tien agreed.

Yamcha and Krillin both flashed angry glares at their three-eyed friend. "Tien...he was talking about all three of us!"

Tien was silent. "...Isn't Bardock dead, though?"

Yamcha sighed and turned his attention back to Goku and the others. "Listen, guys, I know we won't be of any help, but...we're the only three who seem to really understand what's happened! Even Piccolo Cell and Frieza and Android 17 have been lost into the void that is this new world! Come with us, and we will show you the horrors of Great Saiyacity!"

Goku gasped, grabbed a cup of water, drank it, and then spat all the water in Yamcha's face. "DID YOU SAY...NEW JERSEY IS A CONTINENT?! DAMN THE REPUBLIC TO HELL! DAMN THEM!"

"No! We must embark to Great Saiyacity...a treacherous, deadly communist region where it is ruled all by the ideals of one man...SON 'RICE KRISPIES' GOHAN!"

'...his nickname is Rice Krispies?' Vegeta thought with a cocked eyebrow.

Holding out his hand, Yamcha asked, "Will you help us, Son 'Homer Simpson' Goku?"

Goku thought about it for a while, and then punched Goten in the face, knocking him out. "SURE! LET'S GO BEAT UP MY OLDER SON THIS TIME!"

And so, Goku, Vegeta, Yamcha, Tien and Krillin flew off to the Great Saiyacity, which was buzzing metropolis of sorts that completely dwarfed the mountains that surrounded it. When the C-fighters landed in the middle of the street like usual, they realized...the place was pretty peaceful. Everyone was so happy-looking and cheery.

Flashing a hateful glare at Yamcha, Goku snapped, "...YOU SAID THIS PLACE WAS TREACHEROUS, DEADLY AND COMMUNIST!"

"It...it was a minute ago! I swear! I know it was! I checked it myself!" Yamcha cried in his own defense.

Raising his hand, Goku fired a chi blast in Yamcha's face. Falling to the ground, the poor chump rolled around in pain as he screamed, "MY EYES! MY EYES! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

Turning his demonic gaze upon a frightened Tien and Krillin, Goku snarled, "...ANYONE ELSE AGREE WITH THIS DOUCHE BAG?"

"NO! NO NO NO NO! NOT US! CERTAINTLY NOT US! WE WILL FOLLOW YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH, GRAND GENERAL!"

Goku nodded. "Good. That's just what I wanted to hear."

Without warning, loud sirens began to ring throughout the city streets. The people started to freak out and quickly ran off. Looking around wildly in surprise, Vegeta cried, "WHAT'S HAPPENING?! WHAT'S GOING ON?! IT WASN'T ME, I TELL YOU! IT WAS KAKARROT! I SWEAR IT ON ALL OF BULMA'S THREE BOOBS!"

"...Bulma has three boobs?!" Krillin gasped.

Getting back to his feet, Yamcha wiped his face and explained, "Those sirens are warning signals. It means that intruders have entered the city!"

"WHAT?! WHO ARE THE INTRUDERS?! WHO ARE THE INTRUDERS?!"

Then, a large holographic screen popped up in the sky to show the faces of the intruders: it was Goku, Vegeta, Tien, Krillin and Yamcha.

"...WE'RE THE INTRUDERS!!"

Suddenly, three figures landed in front of the C-Warriors. It was Cell, Frieza and Android 17...but they were all dressed like the Great Saiyaman.

Striking flamboyant poses, they exclaimed in unison, "WE ARE...THE GREAT SAIYAPOLICE FORCE! WE WILL TAKE YOU DOWN, INTRUDERS!"

Goku sighed and muttered, "We're totally screwed, aren't we?"

Vegeta nodded. Then, he pulled out a capsule, and it transformed into a tricycle. Hopping on it, Vegeta quickly rode off in the opposite direction. An uncomfortably awkward silence filled the air as they watched Vegeta end up smacking into a wall and fainting.

"DAMN YOU, VEGETA!" Goku snapped.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!...only SpopoBITCH knows.


	10. Angry White Boy Polka

_Anyway, the Great SaiyaPolice Force of Great Saiyacity are onto Goku and the others! Now what?_

"...We need to see your official Saiyacity licenses that prove you people are not intruders," Cell said in a threatening tone.

Goku quickly tried to think of a way out of this. 'Hmm...I could kill them, or force them to eat hot crab stew. I like the former idea better!'

Suddenly, before Goku start bashing some heads, Vegeta stepped up to the (probably) mind-controlled former villains and held out a single card. "Lookie here. Proof that I am a citizen of the Great Saiyacity..."

Cell took the card, and he and Frieza stared at it for a while. Then, they both glanced up at Vegeta and asked, "Your name is McLovin?"

'HIS NAME IS MCLOVIN?!' Goku, Tien, Yamcha and Krillin thought in surprise.

"Well, I guess you're alright," Cell replied, "But...what about those four? They're obviously illegal intruders!"

Holding up a palm, Vegeta said, "Hold on. Those four are guests of mine I invited into the city myself. They are good friends who live in smaller cities far away..."

"Oh? And what are their names?" Frieza asked.

"That's Leeroy Jenkins," Vegeta said, pointing to Goku.

"That's Dramatic Chipmunk," Vegeta said, pointing at Tien, who then turned his head to face them with wide eyes.

"That's LOLCat," Vegeta said, pointing to Yamcha.

"...And that's Fred Fredburger." Vegeta finished, pointing at Krillin.

Krillin gasped. 'I'M...I'M A ANNOYING DEMON NOW?! I WANTED TO BE HAMPSTER DANCE!'

"So, you see, officers," Vegeta continued, "These are not the droids you're looking for."

Cell nodded, but then asked, "Do they have licenses, though? Anyone who goes through the guest registration center is given a provisional license to provide them access into the city."

"...You got me. BOOK ME, COPPAS!" Vegeta sighed.

"DAMMIT, VEGETA!"

Pulling out a pair of handcuffs, Cell was about to arrest Vegeta when two figures landed behind him and knocked him out with a single karate chop to the neck. Then, while Frieza and Android 17 were distracted by Cell's sudden defeat, they were knocked unconscious as well.

"Oh my goodie goodie gushy gosh, it's-" Krillin exclaimed, but then Tien knocked him out.

It was Future Trunks and Piccolo...except Piccolo had a toothbrush moustache A.K.A Hitler moustache.

"Aye, crikey! You blokes got me so flustered I was whistlin' dixie!" Future Trunks snapped in a false Australian accent.

Leaning over to Yamcha, Tien whispered, "Hey...why does he talk so funny?"

"I think he's stupid or something." Yamcha replied back.

Suddenly, Piccolo walked up to the two of them, and snarled. Then, he reached into his pocket...and pulled out an egg.

"IT'S AN EGG!" sang beautiful voices from heaven above.

Glaring at a frightened Yamcha and Tien, Piccolo snarled, "I PITY THE FOOL...WHO MESS WIT DIS EGG!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH?!"

Goku was about to say something when Future Trunks suddenly grabbed him by the shirt and snapped, "BUGGER! LISTEN TO ME, MATE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT'S GOING DOWN IN THIS BLIMEY YORKTOWN! NO WORRIES!"

"Stop being so Italian, dang it!! Plus, you're using British catchphrases too, ya know!" Goku cried, kicking Future Trunks away in a hurry. We're gonna just call him 'Trunks' for now, okay?

"Listen to me, you wankers," Trunks said, "We're running out of time! Galaxian Lord Son Gohan is hosting a ritual tonight...where he is going to sacrifice a prostitute to open the gateways of true hell!"

"...Who's the prostitute?" Krillin asked with a perverted smirk.

"It's #18."

"...I knew it..."

Goku shrugged and started to walk away. "What does it matter to us, anyway? Gohan's old enough now to decide what he wants to do...so let him!"

Trunks took a step forward and exclaimed, "YES, BUT...WHAT IF BRA AND PAN GET TO HIM FIRST?!"

Goku stopped in his tracks and slowly turned his head to build dramatic effect. "W...What?"

"You see," Trunks explained, "Bra and Pan have not lost their memories...their rage for having their wish stolen by Gohan drives them to obtain revenge. In layman's terms, they want to kick his ass. Hard."

"Uh...isn't Pan Gohan's daughter, though? Besides, Gohan's stronger than both of them by far!" Krillin replied.

Goku shook his head. "No...listen, if there's two things I know that will drive fear into anyone, even something as powerful as a Super Saiyan 4, it's Vegeta after he sees you eating his bacon right in front of him...and angry lesbians. Not even I can stand such an assault!"

Tien thought about it, and then cried, "OH CRAP...GOHAN'S GONNA GET KILLED! WE GOTTA SAVE HIM!"

"HELL YEAHZ WE GOTTA!" Goku exclaimed, and then he and the others flew off, leaving Trunks and Piccolo behind.

"But...Gohan is the villain, you bloody wankers..." Trunks muttered in despair.

Meanwhile, Piccolo was happily rolling his egg around on the floor. "Egg...egg...egg..."

Suddenly, a foot came out of nowhere and crushed the egg.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...YES!"

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

Majin Boo felt rather pleased as he watched the few surviving Oompa Loompas finish building a chocolate statue of himself in his honor. Now the new heir to the Chocolate Factory, the evil djinn had transformed it into a giant fortress, occupied by slaves who have no choice but to do his bidding or die by having a plate of hash browns smashed into their faces.

"S...Sir Boo?"

Majin Boo glanced down from upon his chocolate throne and glared at the Oompa Loompa who had addressed him.

"What is it?" Boo snarled.

"S...S...Someone's here to s-see you..." the Oompa Loompa replied.

Majin Boo scoffed and barked, "Whatever! Bring him in! I don't give a flickin' damn! Do it now!"

Nodding, the Oompa Loompa quickly ran out into the hallway, and then returned with a certain someone following close behind. Majin Boo gasped and stood up, his glass of chocolate milk slipping from his hands and shattering on the floor.

"No...no...it can't be...it's...it's not possible..."

"Yes! IT IS I!" exclaimed the visitor...who happened to be Majin Boo's mother. She looked just like him, only she wore a dress, wig and lipstick.

'My life...is over...' Majin Boo thought in despair.


	11. Young, Dumb and Ugly

A/N: If you like BioShock and crack fics, please check out my new fic 'WELCOME TO CRAPTURE!' and review it, okay?

Also, I do not own any song lyrics featured in this fic. EVER! The song is 'Young, Dumb and ugly' by Weird Al. The Cromartie AMV of it rules all.

* * *

_It seems Bra and Pan plan on killing Gohan! Can Goku and the others save the new villain before it's too late?!_

To keep themselves entertained as they flew to Gohan's castle, Goku and the others started to sing.

"We're dangerous dudes, we got bad attitudes-"

"Most of our brain cells are gone!"

"We were born to be bad, you better not make us mad-"

"Or we just might toilet paper your lawn!"

"We got a reputation around these parts-"

"We only leave a ten percent tip!"

"Sometimes we don't return our shopping carts-"

"Stay out of our way and don't give us no lip-"

"...'CAUSE WE'RE YOUNG...DUMB AND UGLY!"

"THAT'S WHAT WE ARE!"

"WE'RE SO YOUNG...YOUNG, DUMB AND UGLY!"

"We wear black leather in the hottest weather-"

"You can't imagine the smell!"

"We got three-day stubble, our names spell trouble-"

"...T-R-U-B-E-L!"

"RAISIN' HELL, BENDIN' THE RULES JUST A LITTLE-"

Suddenly, Trunks and Piccolo flew up next to them and interrupted their wonderful chorus. Piccolo was still weeping over the death of his beloved egg.

"Stop it, you bloody twits! Galaxian Lord Son Gohan can hear everything we're saying due to his super-advanced security system that has the power to wipe out half of Europe on diet soda alone!" Trunks explained.

"...ARE YOU SERIOUS?! WE BETTER BE CAREFUL!" Tien cried.

Vegeta shrugged. "Oh, please! Even Uub could destroy half of Europe...and WITHOUT diet soda!"

"Hey, now that you mentioned him," Krillin remarked, "Where IS Uub, anyway?"

* * *

"Ooh...my precious...my precious...wait, who are you?"

* * *

"Hell if I know." Yamcha shook his head.

"Ah, well...I don't like black people anyway!" Vegeta snarled, and this statement caused everyone around him to gasp in shock.

"VEGETA, HOW DARE YOU?! RACIST JOKES AREN'T FUNNY! I THOUGHT YOU WANTED FRIENDS, YOU EGOTISTICAL BASTARD!" Goku snapped at the saiyan prince.

"Uh...that wasn't even a joke, though..." Tien pointed out.

"CAN WE JUST FORGET ABOUT IT NOW AND FOCUS ON THE MISSION?!" Vegeta screamed in hopes to change the course of the conversation.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"...What were we doing again?" Yamcha asked sheepishly.

Krillin palm-faced Piccolo violently. "WE GOTTA GO AND SAVE GOHAN FROM BEING ASSASSINATED, YOU DUMBASSES!"

Trunks nodded. "The once-bald, now-hairy one is correct. However...we need a key to enter the mansion. Normally, we could just blast our way in, but Gohan has created a special barrier that is impervious to all chi blasts. We need that key if we wish to get inside!"

"Well...how can we obtain such a key?" Goku asked.

"I know of only one person who holds such a key...we must find the Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon!" Trunks proclaimed, striking a cool pose to go along with it.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"...That name really sucks." Goku said.

Trunks nodded. "I know."

Pulling out another egg, Piccolo stared at it intensely. So intensely, in fact, that heat beams fired out of his eyes and destroyed it, souring the Namekian's mood once again.

"Well, where does this Junior Commissioner person live?" Vegeta asked.

Trunks pointed down at the streets below, where a large cardboard box laid on the sidewalk on its side. "That's where he lives," Trunks said.

"I'll handle this." Yamcha exclaimed, and he put on a wig and dress.

Flying down next to the cardboard box, Yamcha coughed into his fist and made sure his wig was on straight...and then he kicked the box over and screamed, "C'MON OUT, YOU GODDAMN BASTARD!"

'...Why did he put on those clothes, then?' Everyone wondered.

Suddenly, a pitiful-looking young man with glasses plunged out of the box and fell face-first into a puddle of dirt. Sitting up, he took one look at Yamcha and screeched, "OH NO! MOTHER, I TOLD YOU I'D HAVE THE MONEY SOON! PLEASE...GIVE ME A BIT MORE TIME! I BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS!"

The other C-Warriors flew down and landed next to Yamcha, causing the bespectacled man even more distress. "M...Mother, how could you be so cruel...? You got my cousins, my uncle, and even my step-son to team up against me?! Why?! Why?! WRRRRRRRRRRRY?!"

"Calm down. We don't even WANT to be related to you!" Goku snapped, "You are...the Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon, correct?"

"Y-Yes...I am." replied Skye Gordon as he pushed himself up to a stand.

Grabbing Gordon by the shirt, Trunks held him close and snarled, "GIVE US THE KEY INTO GALAXIAN LORD GOHAN'S FORTRESS...OR I'LL FUDGIN' KILL YA!"

Gordon gasped. "You freaky flying fanatics...you plan on assassinating Galaxian Lord Son Gohan?!"

"Not really, mate."

"I'LL SURELY HELP YOU! I WANT TO AVENGE WHAT HE DID TO MY FAMILY BY KILLING THAT SON OF A BITCH! SINCE YOU GUYS CAN FLY AND ARE PROBABLY SUPER-POWERFUL, I'LL FINALLY BE ABLE TO GET MY CHANCE!" Gordon exclaimed happily, pulling out a pistol.

Goku frowned and asked, "He...he killed your family?"

Gordon shook his head before replying, "Nah. He just sent them on a four-month free vacation to Kansas City. I ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO KANSAS CITY TOO, BUT HE KEPT ME HERE! I'M GONNA FUDGIN' KILL HIM...so to speak."

Shaking Gordon's hands, Trunks smiled and said, "Very well then, mate. Welcome to the team...YA WANKER!"

Vegeta rose his hand. "Uh...I don't want him on our team."

_Meanwhile, at Majin Boo's Chocolate Fortress..._

"M...M...Mother...Mother 3..."

"OOH! IT'S BEEN SO LONG, SNOOKUMS!" exclaimed Mrs. Boo as she pulled her beloved son into a powerful bone-crushing hug. The Oompa Loompas snickered to themselves as they watched their 'all mighty master' be captured so easily, but he turned them into candy bars for their insolence.

Releasing her son to give him a chance to breath, Mrs. Boo asked, "Sooo...what have you been up to as of late, my wonderful Majin-Kajin-Buu?! Have you been eating healthy? Washing your pants daily? Brushing your teeth? Visiting the poor and reading to them? Have you finally found a good wife yet?"

Majin Boo rolled his eyes in annoyance. "No, mother...I haven't...I'm an evil djinn; I don't have time for ROMANCE..."

Mrs. Boo gasped and exclaimed, "Well, we better find you a wife right away! Good thing I brought a laptop with me!" Taking a laptop out of her purse, Mrs. Boo opened it and began typing away.

Soon, a web browser popped up for an Internet Dating Site.

"THIS IS HOW WE'LL GET YOU A WIFE!" Mrs. Boo explained.

Majin Boo groaned. 'This is gonna be a long day...'


	12. Christmas At Ground Zero

_Goku, Vegeta, Trunks and the others now prepare their entry into Gohan's mansion!_

"...Hey, I have a question for you," Vegeta said to Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon. The C-Warriors had all drawn straws to see who would have to fly Gordon around, and the saiyan prince had been unlucky enough to get the shortest one, so it was his job.

"Yes? What is it?" Gordon replied.

"Why are you only the Junior Commissioner, yet YOU have access to Galaxian Lord Son Gohan's massive estate?" Vegeta asked.

Tapping his glasses, Gordon explained, "Well, you see, in theory I am the Junior Commissioner. However, when put to the test, you will find that my skills far outrank my title...as you may hopefully see later on...hoo hooo hooooooo..."

"...That doesn't make any sense...still, it kind reminds me of the time I made a video of me lip-syncing the Numa Numa song and put it up on the Internet..."

"You, sir, are a cantaloupe and a fool!" Gordon exclaimed, slapping a rather confused Vegeta across the face.

After flying for a while longer, Trunks stopped and announced, "ALRIGHT...ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR THE GREATEST FIGHT THE WORLD WILL EVER BEHOLD?! ARE YOU?!"

"...Why did we stop here? The castle is still a few miles away, you dumbass!" Goku snapped.

"Y-Yes, well...I wanted to make things more dramatic..." Trunks replied, blushing in embarrassment.

"Look, kid," Tien explained, "Even if we did try to be dramatic, something random and hilarious would end up destroying the entire seriousness of the scene! Still, if you really want to try and be serious...go ahead."

"Thank you." Striking a pose, Trunks pointed up to the skies and shouted, "MEN, WE ARE ABOUT TO GO INTO A BATTLE THAT WE MAY NOT WIN! THIS FIGHT WILL DETERMINE THE FATE OF THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING IN IT! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, MEN...WE CANNOT FORGET WHO WE ARE, AND WHO WE'RE FIGHTING FOR! WE MUST NEVER GIVE IN TO TYRANNY, AND ALWAYS KEEP OUR HEADS UP HIGH! NEVER FORGIVE...NEVER FORGET! THINK OF YOUR WIVES, YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR FAMILY...THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO LIVE PEACEFUL, HAPPY LIVES! DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST FOR THEM...AND FOLLOW ME INTO WAR!"

Behind Trunks, Goku and the others were now all wearing sombreros, ponchos and fake moustaches. Except Yamcha was still dressed like a woman for some reason.

"That...that was so beautiful..." Krillin sobbed, wiping the tears away with his arm.

Trunks was going to say more, but suddenly a police car drove up behind him. Cell and Frieza popped out of the door, grabbed him by the waist and legs, and they pulled him in. Then, the car quickly zoomed off to the Police Station to have Trunks arrested for having assaulted several police officers.

"LOL...PWNED." Skye Gordon chuckled.

"Uh...what do we do now?" Goku asked aloud, a bit confused that their 'Resistance Leader' had just been captured so suddenly.

"OBVIOUSLY...WE KICK SOME A-S-S!!" Vegeta roared.

"...Did you just say 'porn'?" Yamcha asked.

Grabbing Gordon by the head, Vegeta spun around and tossed him straight at the front gates of Galaxian Lord Son Gohan's fortress. "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

"CURSE YOU, ADAM SANDLER!!" Gordon cried before crashing through the gates and into a small pond in the garden. Soon, the C-Warriors flew down and entered as well.

"Wow! He really WAS the key!" Krillin exclaimed before Vegeta punched him in the face.

Spitting out a fish and a bowl of ramen, Gordon turned his glare to Vegeta and snapped, "YOU SON OF A BITCH! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU THREW ME! I HAD THE KEY IN MY POCKET...WHY THE FUCK DID YOU THROW ME?! OH GOD, I'M SO GONNA KILL YOU-"

"Hold on." Vegeta proclaimed, shushing the enraged Junior Commissioner, "Something lesbian this way comes."

The C-Warriors (including Gordon, who has still surprised the author with his surviving such a throw) leaped into a bush and watched in silence as a truck pulled up in front of the busted gates. Climbing out of the truck was Pan, Bra and several other women, two of them with short enough hair to resemble guys.

"...Is this the place?" snarled Bra, pulling out a machine gun from behind.

"Yup. We're gonna kill that Peter Pan wannabe...I mean, we're gonna kill that damn Galaxian Lord!" Pan exclaimed as she brandished a long white sword.

Without warning, the back of the truck burst open and a character no one had ever expected to return jumped out...

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRR!" Broly shouted.

"Why did we bring him along?" asked one of the dykes.

"He said that there were free donuts here, and he wanted to come...I had no choice. I mean, look at him;he's fuckin' STACKED!" Pan cried, pointing out Brolly's massive pecks.

'I can't believe I never asked Shenron for that...' Krillin realized.

Shaking in fury, Junior Commissioner Gordon Skye stood up and revealed himself to the lesbians. "ARGH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! YOU FEMALE HOMOSEXUALS THINK YOU'LL BE THE ONES TO KILL GALAXIAN LORD SON GOHAN?! BULL...IN THE SHIT! That's what I'm going to do."

"Whose this guy? He looks like one of those losers that all the women fall for in a harem anime because they have no idea what an ACTUAL man looks like!" exclaimed Bra.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!" screamed Gordon, and he clutched his head as if in pain. Suddenly, as he continued to scream,his back began to bulge upwards until it erupted in a spray of blood.

"OH SHI-"

However, Gordon was completely fine. "Sorry about that...my back explodes sometimes when I'm really angry."

"DAMN IT!" Tien cursed, "I WAS HOPING A XENOMORPH WOULD POP OUT AND SAVE US FROM BEING KILLED BY THE LESBIANS!"

Yamcha chuckled. "Oh, Tien, you silly little boy...you know that only happens in American Sitcoms...like Seinfield!"

"Yeah, you're right..."

Then, a Xenomorph popped out of Gordon's back and exclaimed, "I AM HERE TO FIGHT FOR YOU ALL!"

Tien was very happy right then.


	13. Albuquerque the song

_Uh...a Xenomorph has appeared?!_

"Mr. Xenomorph...are you really gonna fight for us?!" Tien asked in excitement.

Xenomorph shrugged. "The Morning Dove does not ask for his Pita Bread...HE MUST OBTAIN IT BY HIMSELF AND ONLY BY HIMSELF!"

"...I don't get it," Tien said with a confused look on his face.

"Nobody ever does!"

Holding up her machine gun, Pan snarled, "...Can I just kill you now?"

Smirking and making a conceited pose, the Xenomorph replied, "Well, if you think you can bring yourself to shoot such a handsome devil like myself, then do it-"

Without a word, Pan shot the over-confident alien, and the Xenomorph fell dead on the floor.

"NOOOOOO! HE WAS SUCH A HANDSOME DEVIL!" weeped Tien.

Bra then turned to Broly and snapped, "ALRIGHT, SHOW THESE BASTARDS WHAT YOU CAN DO, BROLY-CHAN!!"

Broly nodded, and then he opened his mouth wide. "HELL YEAH! LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER! HERE IT COMES...IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER!"

However, nothing happened.

"DUDE! THAT WAS SUCH A PATHETIC ATTACK!" snapped short-haired woman #Dos.

"Technically, it wasn't an attack at all..." spoke up short-haired woman #Uno.

"Hey...it needs to charge first! Don't rush me! STOP BEING SO MEAN!" Broly said, tears in his eyes. Sobbing profusely, he spun around and flew off in a rush, leaving an awkward silence behind him.

"You sure are a bunch of mean lesbians!" Krillin snapped at them.

Pan turned her machine gun on Krillin, and the useless C-Warrior immediately shut his mouth.

"Before I shit my pants," Vegeta said in an annoyed tone, "Can we just continue the goddamn story before I break someone's arm...and thigh bones?!"

"NOO! I NEED MY THIGH BONES...FOR MAKING TACOS!" Goku exclaimed.

Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon covered his ears with his hands and screamed, "STOP IT! STOP IT STOP IT STOP ITTTTTTT..."

'Geez...what the hell is his problem?!' everyone wondered.

Suddenly, the ground began to shake violently. "OH CRAP, IT'S THE DOOMSDAY THAT MY MOTHER FORETOLD MANY YEARS AGO!" Yamcha screeched.

However, instead of doomsday, several trees on the front lawn suddenly sprung to life, growing large demonic faces and lifting themselves out of the ground with their limb-like branches and roots.

"IT'S LIKE NATURE ITSELF IS JUST RANDOMLY TRYING TO KILL US!" Vegeta exclaimed.

"M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN WAS RIGHT...AS ALWAYS!" Krillin cried.

"WHAT A TWEEST!"

Roaring, one of the trees took a swing at Vegeta, but the spiky-haired saiyan prince leaped backwards and fired a huge beam of energy, effectively eliminating all of the evil trees with one blow. He then wiped the dust off his pants and headed to the front by going at a slow and moderate trot.

Smirking, Goku exclaimed, "Vegeta's one bad motha-"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Tien, Yamcha, Krillin, Piccolo (I forgot about him) and Gordon all snapped back.

"What? I was only talkin' about Vegeta!" Goku said in his own defense.

"THEN WE CAN DIG IT!" they replied.

Vegeta, who had overheard the conversation despite already being at the front doors, scoffed and explained, "Feh, if the only defense Gohan has is a bunch of fuckin' trees, then he's really the most disappointing villain we've ever had..."

"...EVEN MORE DISAPPOINTING THAN BOJACK?!" Goku gasped.

"Yes, even more disappointing than Bojack..." Vegeta nodded, and he opened the front door and vanished from view as he entered.

'THAT'S...NOT POSSIBLE!' Goku thought in horror, 'I MEAN...MY SON CAN DEFINITELY BE A BETTER VILLAIN THAN BOJACK! I JUST KNOW IT!'

"...Can I play my emo songs now?" Gordon asked as he pulled out a CD box set of various 'emo songs'.

"HELLZ NO!" Tien snapped, and he grabbed the CD box, threw it on the ground, and crushed it to pieces with his feet.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

"Anyway, before we head in...we need to make sure we're properly disguised." Goku explained, wearing clothes and a wig that resembled Chi-Chi's. He and the rest of the C-Warriors had no formed a temporary alliance with the angry lesbians. The truth was, though, none of them even knew what the hell they were doing anymore. Does anyone remember how this story was originally about Cell and Frieza wanting to get the Internet and BioShock for the PS3?

Dressed like Ness from Earthbound, Krillin replied, "Hey, I'm totally prepared as you can see!"

"SO AM I!" Tien added, dressed like Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy 7. He even had the wig on.

"Put me on the list of 'most disappointing sub-characters ever'!" Yamcha barked, dressed like himself back from his DragonBall days.

Gordon dressed up as the original Green Power Ranger and shrugged. "Meh...I'm only here for kicks and mind-numbing retorts of the finest color!...YAZZBUD?!"

"What about my father, though?! He went in all on his own! He should have dressed up as a dancing banana...that's what he wears every Halloween!" Bra gasped, trying to snap the others back into reality.

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't get so upset, my little pocket monster," Goku said, "If I know Vegeta like I do, any moment now he'll come leaping out of the window and on fire, screaming his head off...just you wait and watch!"

Sure enough, one of the second floor windows burst apart as Vegeta leaped out, his entire body on fire. He then fell on the ground and rolled around in immense pain. "AAAAAAHHHHHH!! FIRE! FIRE! I'M ON FIRE! I'M...ON FIRE! HOOOOOOOOOOLY CRAP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"SEE? I TOLD YOU!" Goku chuckled.

Bra nodded and didn't say anything else. The rest of the group quickly rushed inside and left Vegeta behind, but Gordon seemed to stop for a moment and stare.

"Goodbye...Vegeta-dono." Gordon whispered before quickly catching up to Goku and the other C-Warriors.

Now practically burnt to a crisp, Vegeta let out a sigh and thought, '...Damn those sons and daughters of bitches...and bastards!'


	14. Eat It

_Will Gohan finally make another appearance after so long...or is this story just not getting anywhere?_

"You know...I've been thinking," Goku said as he and the others walked down a hallway filled with photos of the Super Mario Super Show.

"That's never a good sign..." Krillin quipped.

"...Didn't we have Hercule with us before Gohan made the wish?"

"Yeah," Yamcha replied, "But we all get separated after the wish was granted, remember? Besides, that guy has no redeeming qualities anyway. He would just make this fic LESS funny!"

"You're right, you're right. I'm sorry..."

Glancing around nervously, Bra thought, 'I wonder if there's a closet nearby...I really need to make out with Pan right now! Ugh! I'm feeling so hoooooooooorny...'

Tien gasped. 'I CAN READ HER THOUGHTS! I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE HEARING SUCH WORDS!'

"AIIII...KABABA!"

Suddenly, a darkened figure stepped out in front of the C-Warriors from the other end of the hallway.

"UH...WHO BE YOU?!"

It was...

* * *

_To build suspense, let's waste some time and check in on Super Boo, shall we?_

Pressing the enter key, Mrs. Boo turned to her son and exclaimed, "Alright, it's all finished! Your very own profile on 'DOMECAUSEIMDESPERATE(dot)com'! You'll find the perfect wife in no time, my darling!"

Majin Boo let out a groan. "MOTHER! I ALREADY TOLD YOU! I HAVE NO PLAN ON GETTING MARRIED TO SOME IDIOTIC HUMAN FEMALE!"

Mrs. Boo gasped and covered her mouth in horror. "D-Don't tell me," she mumbled, "You're...you're...YOU'RE ACTUALLY GAY?!"

"No! I'm not gay, either! I'm asexual! That means I'm not interested in sex...at all!" Majin Boo explained in annoyance.

"Oh...but that's no fun," remarked Mrs. Boo.

"STAY OUT OF MY LIFE, MOTHER! THIS IS WHY I DON'T COME TO VISIT YOU AND DAD ANYMORE! YOU'RE ALWAYS TRYING TO RUN ME DOWN, TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! I'M OVER A FUCKIN' THOUSAND YEARS OLD, MOTHER, AND I-"

Suddenly, several loud 'BEEPS' came from the laptop. Snatching it up, Mrs. Boo gasped and proclaimed, "Ah! You've already gotten a reply, darling! It looks like someone's interested in you! tee-hee!"

"...What's her screen-name?" Majin Boo asked, deciding to just give up on getting through to his mother.

"Ooh! Her name is 'MrSatanGirl23'! Nice name..." Mrs. Boo said that last part under her breath.

Snatching the laptop away, Majin Boo began reading the received e-mail to himself. As he read, his face became crimson red.

"D-Damn...she writes some gritty stuff...she says she wants to see me tonight too, at some place called 'Galaxian Lord Son Gohan's Mansion in the Great Saiyacity'...never heard of it..."

"WELL, SHE'S JUST A STUPID HUSSY, RIGHT? TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS OPPORTUNITY!" Mrs. Boo snapped, slapping her son on the back.

"Isn't that, like...unethical or something?" Majin Boo asked.

"WHO CARES, IDIOT?! JUST DO IT!"

Sighing, Majin Boo figured he had no other choice, so he headed off to take a shower, get dressed and then head off to his...date...

* * *

"HOLY CRAP, THEY KILLED KENNY!"

"THOSE BASTARDS!"

* * *

_Anyway, back with the C-Warriors..._

The mysterious figure mentioned earlier stepped out of the shadows and chuckled. "C'mon...don't you guys recognize me?"

Goku gasped.

Tien gasped.

Yamcha gasped.

Krillin gasped.

Piccolo gasped.

Gordon gasped.

The lesbians were busy making out.

"...You guys DO remember me...right?" asked Android 18, who was the mysterious figure. She was wearing a very kinky dress similar to Princess Leia's during her enslavement under Jabba the Hutt. However, it was even kinkier than that...if that was even possible.

"Android 18!! You escaped from Gohan's clutches before he could sacrifice you to open the gates of hell!" Goku cried happily.

Android 18 shrugged. "Actually, he let me go. All the villains in hell were weaker than you guys anyway, so there was no point in even opening the gates of hell for them to escape..."

Looking down at disgruntled Krillin, Yamcha asked, "Hey, Krillin, aren't you happy? Your wife is still alive!"

"Uh, we split up a LONG time ago, Yamcha..." Krillin told him.

"W-W-W-W-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

"Listen," Krillin said, "Do you wanna know why Android 18 even married me in the first place?"

Yamcha sighed. "Let me guess...it was because you're good in bed, right?"

"Actually, you are as wrong as a jackass is cute! It was for a completely different reason!" Then, Krillin just stood there with a grin on his face for a while.

After about a minute, Yamcha replied, "...Aren't you gonna tell me what that completely different reason was...?"

"NOPE!"

Dressed like a Girl Scout, Gordon glanced at the box of cookies in his hands. "...Damn cookies."

'I wish they asked me to play the main role in Pineapple Express...I'm really good at acting like I'm high! I do it all the time!' Piccolo thought randomly.

"So...wanna join up with us, Android 18?" Goku asked the feminine cyborg.

Android 18 looked at the rest of the C-Warriors for a moment. "Uh...you want me to team up with my ex-husband, three-eyes, Mr. Useless Sub-Character, Green Man, and a gang of angry lesbians?!"

"Well, Vegeta was here too, but he got beat up," Goku said.

"Oh! So HE was the guy I set on fire! Whoopsie!" Android 18 giggled, smiling sheepishly in a very unnatural way.

'OH...MY...GOD! THIS IS TOTALLY OUT OF CHARACTER FOR A STONE-COLD BITCH LIKE ANDROID 18! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!'

"Sure! I'll come along!" Android 18 exclaimed with a jump...causing her steel bra to fall off.

Everyone ended up losing consciousness due to nosebleeds, including the lesbians and Android 18 herself for some reason...except for Piccolo, who just shrugged and said, "Uh...I don't get it."


	15. Gump

DBC Chapter 15

_Anyway, everyone has regained consciousness and they're about to enter the throne room of the dreaded 'Galaxian Lord Son Gohan'!_

"...Are we all prepared?!" Goku asked the other C-Warriors.

Everyone shook their heads back and forth.

"ALRIGHT! LET'S GO!"

Goku kicked open the door and did a rolling jump inside. When he stood up, he was now cosplaying as Solid Snake. "LIQUID!!"

Gohan was sitting rather lazily on a large golden throne, glaring hatefully at the enemies who have arrived to kill him. In the smaller throne beside him was Videl, who was busy checking her watch every few seconds for some reason.

"So...you've finally arrived, father." Gohan sneered.

"LIQUID, STOP THIS MADNESS! PUT OUTER HAVEN BEHIND YOU AND LOOK AHEAD TO THE FUTURE...OUR FUTURE!" Goku barked.

Gohan's smirk soon became a snarl. He remembered the days before the Cell Games, when his father 'trained' him to become enraged against Cell...

* * *

_Many years ago..._

_Little Gohan was happily playing his PSP when the door suddenly swung open. Goku walked inside, dressed like Cell. Holding up a leather belt, he shouted, "IT'S CELL TIME!"_

_Screeching, Gohan held up his hands in defense and cried, "NO, DAD, NOOOO!!!"_

_

* * *

_"...You bastard...after that, you forced me to read 'Twilight' outloud for three hours...DAMN YOU!!" Gohan hissed, powerful aura flowing off of his entire body...but he soon calmed himself by thinking of puppies and plumber's cracks.

'I CAN STILL READ PEOPLES' MINDS...' Tien thought, highly disturbed by the flashback he had just witnessed.

"Father, I don't need you in my life anymore," Gohan said calmly, waving his hands around, "As you can see...I have a beautiful home..."

"It IS a beautiful home!" Krillin admitted.

"...I have alot of money..."

"He DOES have alot of money!" Krillin admitted.

"...And I have a lovely, loyally devoted wife - OH MY GOD!" Gohan's eyes nearly burst from his head when he looked over and saw his 'loyally devoted' wife Videl making out with Majin Boo.

"She IS a loyally devoted wife - OH MY GOD!" Krillin admitted.

Videl realized what was happening and quickly separated from the pink djinn. "Uh...uh...I can't explain..."

"Don't hold it against me, mate," Majin Boo remarked, "I'M JUST HERE FOR THE CHEDDAH!"

Falling off his throne and onto his knees, Gohan sobbed, "IT'S...IT'S OVER! I'VE LOST! I'VE LOST!"

'He...he really IS a worse villain than Bojack!'

Pulling out a book, Goku walked over to his distraught son, knelt down next to him and began to read:

--

"_Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK?  
Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.  
Sally: Why not?  
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.  
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.  
Harry: No, you don't.  
Sally: Yes, I do.  
Harry: No, you don't.  
Sally: Yes, I do.  
Harry: You only think you do.  
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?  
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.  
Sally: They do not.  
Harry: Do too.  
Sally: They do not.  
Harry: Do too.  
Sally: How do you know?  
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.  
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.  
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.  
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?  
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story._"

--

Then, Goku closed the book and asked, "...So, what do you think that all means?"

"I...I DON'T KNOW!" Gohan snapped.

"IDIOT! IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, OBVIOUSLY!" Goku screamed, kicking Gohan in the face.

Gohan spat up blood and screeched, "I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PLAY TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"

"SAME HERE...TWINKY!" Goku snarled.

"Make haste, brother! The duck tours are starting soon!" Tien called out, a pamphlet of Boston in his hands.

"I am the overly-sexualized stock female character...even though I'm not sexualized at all! Tee hee!" Android 18 exclaimed.

"...And I am the poorly-drawn, often-forgotten jewel thief of Zanzibar Land!" Yamcha announced.

"DID YOU KNOW THAT I USED TO LIVE IN LAZYTOWN?!" Krillin barked.

"LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!" Piccolo roared at the top of his lungs.

"BIG GIRLS, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!" Gordon weeped, falling down to his knees.

Once everyone was done with their random bouts of dialogue, Gohan and Goku flew off high into the sky, crashing through the roof as they went. By the time they were several miles over the mansion, the two Sons engaged in an amazing fast-paced fist fight.

However, no one likes hearing about cool stuff like that, so let's see what Krillin and the others are doing during this battle.

"...I HAVE ALOTTA COCONUTS..."

Actually, let's check on Future Trunks, who's currently being interrogated by Frieza and Cell!

"DAMMIT!"

* * *

_At the Great Saiyacity Police Station downtown..._

"...I ALREADY TOLD YOU GUYS; IT WAS A MISTAKE ON MY PART!" Trunks explained, trying to convince the officers to let him go.

"Sorry, but that isn't gonna cut it! You're gonna be put to death!" Cell barked.

Suddenly, while in the deepest depths of despair, Trunks came up with an amazing idea. With a smirk and twinkle in his eye, he jumped up on the table and kicked over the lamp.

"HEY, THAT'S AGAINST THE LAW! YOU'RE COMING WITH ME!" snapped Android 17, reaching out to grab the 'SAIYAN OF THE FUTURE'.

Still smirking, Trunks shook his index finger and exclaimed, "AH AH AH! CAN'T TOUCH ME!"

Suddenly, music began to play in the background.

"CAN'T TOUCH ME! JU-JU-JU-JU-JUST LIKE THE BAD GUY FROM DRAGONBALL THE MOVIE, I GOT FUTURISTIC IMMUNITY, SO, KING COLD, YOU CAN'T SUE! I CAN WRITE GRAFFITI, EVEN JAYWALK IN THE STREET! I CAN RIOT, LOOT, NOT GIVE A HOOT, AND TOUCH YOUR SISTER'S TEAT (he said that last part to Android 17)! CAN'T TOUCH ME! CAN'T TOUCH ME!"

As Trunks began to dance wildly, Cell gasped, "What in God's name is he doing?"

"CAN'T TOUCH ME!"

Leaning over, Freiza replied, "I believe that's 'The Worm'."

"STOP! TRUNKS-TIME!" Trunks exclaimed, getting back into the groove, "I'M A BIG SHOT! THERE'S NO DOUBT! LIGHT A FIRE, AND THEN PEE IT OUT! DON'T LIKE IT, KISS MY RUMP! JUST FOR A MINUTE LET'S ALL DO THE BUMP!"

Oddly enough, Frieza, Cell and Android 17 all joined in with the bump...and crumpin'.

"CAN'T TOUCH ME! YEAH, DO THE TRUNKS BRIEFS BUMP! CAN'T TOUCH ME! I'M PRESIDENTAL TRUNKS! FANGIRLS THINK I'M HOT! DON'T CARE IF YOUR HANDICAPPED, I'LL STILL PARK MY TIME MACHINE IN YOUR SPOT! I'VE BEEN AROUND THE TIME STREAM FROM CAPSULE CORP. TO KAMI'S PLACE! IT'S TRUNKS, GO TRUNKS, MC TRUNKS, YO TRUNKS! LET'S SEE GINYU RAP THIS WAY! CAN'T TOUCH ME!"

Trunks then turns to Cell and smiles. "Except for you. You can touch me."

Grunting, Cell slapped a pair of handcuffs on Trunks and snarled, "I'MMA GUNNA FUCKIN' KILL YOU."

"OH NO, YOU AIN'TZ!"

Everyone let out loud stereotypical gasps when they saw that Broly was now standing in the doorway, with a large jukebox under his arm for some reason.

"I've come to save this young young young young young younger yoozer to teach him the ways of...HOW TO WRITE GOOD PARODIES OF GOOD PARODIES OF GOOD RAP SONGS!" Broly announced, and then he grabbed Trunks by the hair and flew off with him.

Cell and Frieza were left speechless, and Android 17 was still doing the 'Trunks Briefs Bump' for some reason.

* * *

_Back with the main characters..._

"...Man, how long have they been fighting?" Krillin asked, checking his watch.

Tien shrugged. "How should I know, muthafooka?!"

While playing FarCry 2, Yamcha exclaimed, "KABAMM! I Blows up Afrika! POW!!!"

Turning to Android 18, Gordon cried, "ANDROID 18...WHAT'S YAMCHA'S POWER LEVEL?!"

Putting on a scouter, Android 18 turned it on and waited a moment. Then, she gasped and announced, "IT'S OVER 9000!!!"

"WHAAT?! 9000?!" Gordon shrieked, "...What's my power level?"

Android 18 pressed the side of the scouter again. "IT'S OVER TWO APPLES AND A BANANA!!"

"...WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!"

Suddenly, Gohan came plummeting down from above, and he crashed into the ground. Goku soon floated down to the ground and snapped, "SO, GOHAN...HAVE YOU LEARNED TO OBEY YOUR FATHER NOW?!"

"YOU...YOU...YOU SON OF A BITCH!!" Gohan roared, his hair becoming a bright golden yellow.

"Yes, I AM the son of a bitch! My dad was Bardock, remember? He was Frieza's bitch for a while until he betrayed him when Frieza chose Dodoria over him..." Goku explained matter-of-factly.

"SHUT UP!!!" Gohan threw his head back and screamed, and his intense power increased even greater. Now, he had finally reawakened the deadly Super Saiyan 2 state he had only used once before; against Cell. Well, he also used it against Bojack, but that doesn't count at all...

"SO YOU DECIDE TO SHOW YOUR TRUE POWER, EH, GOHAN-BITCHI?!" Goku cackled menacingly.

'Man...Goku's acting like such an ASSHOLE today!'

"C'MON, C'MON! SHOW ME YOUR POWER," Goku mocked, nudging Gohan in the head with his foot, "SHOW ME YOUR POWER, DUMBASS! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF I'M YOUR DADDY...SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT THAT COCKY ASS OF YOURS BACK IN PLACE!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Gohan was about to unleash his fury when Goku pointed to teh side and remarked, "Hey, Gohan, what's that?"

Like an idiot, Gohan glanced to where Goku was pointing, and he saw Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon was now dressed as Borat. Goku then quickly transformed into Super Saiyan 4, knocked out Gohan with a single karate chop to the neck, and transformed back into his normal form.

'DAMN...HE WAS WORSE THAN BOJACK!!'

"Alright," Goku said, picking up Gohan's limp unconscious body, "Now that bingle-boy here is beat...how do we revert things back to normal?"

'We didn't get to do ANYTHING...' thought the lesbians as they continued to make out. C'mon, they have nothing better to do, amirite?

Opening up a jar he had found out of nowhere, Piccolo revealed all 7 Dragonballs being hidden inside.

"HELLZ YEAH! NOW WE CAN WISH FOR EVERYTHING TO RETURN TO NORMAL!" Krillin whooted.

Suddenly, Piccolo grabbed one of the Dragonballs, threw it on the ground...and smashed it to pieces.

"....................................AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Everyone except a rather stoic Piccolo were freaking out like crazy as everything began exploding and erupting and demorphing into pure nothingness...

* * *

"MY MOTHER LIVES IN SMACKOVER, ARKANSAS!" Goku exclaimed loudly as he suddenly sprung up out of apparently sleeping for a long time.

Looking around, he realized he was in bed with Chi-Chi resting peacefully beside him.

"TUNAFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!"

Shrugging, Goku thought, 'Hey, it seems everything's back to normal...and those three useless guys are gone!'

'Uh...there were four of them, weren't there?'

'SHUT UP.'

Climbing out of bed, Goku headed into the kitchen for some breakfast. He didn't really bother looking at the clock, so he just made the assumption that it was breakfast time. However, when he entered the kitchen, he saw Vegeta standing there for some reason...

...and he still had his moustache.

"HOLY CRAP! VEGETA, YOUR MOUSTACHE IS STILL HERE!"

"IT'S CALLED A 'MOOSTACHE', YOU IDIOT! GOD!" He then turned around and stormed off.

Goku was silent for a while. 'Wait...isn't this MY house?'

Ah, everything was back to normal...I guess.


	16. Running out of Weird Al Songs

DBC16

_Several days after the incident with Gohan and the Great Saiyacity. No one, not even Gohan himself, remembers about the events that had transpired during that time anymore..._

_It is now November 4, 2008..._

Opening the front door, Goku walked in and called out, "HONEY...I JUST CAME BACK FROM THE VOTING BOOTHS!"

Running up to her beloved husband, Chi-Chi pulled him into a powerful hug. "THAT'S GREAT! ...WHO DID YOU VOTE FOR?!"

"WHY...I VOTED FOR BARACK OBAMA, OF COURSE!"

Suddenly, Chi-Chi's face became hateful and demonic, and she pulled out a large nail gun. Roaring like a mad cow, she chased after the poor saiyan, who was crying for his life.

"NOOO! NO, CHI-CHI, NO! REMEMBER YOUR PILLS! REMEMBER YOUR PILLS! TAKE THEM! TAKE THEM NOOOOOOOW!"

Goku: Democratic

Chi-Chi: Republican

Morale of the story: DON'T DO DRUGS...THEY'RE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

* * *

_At Capsule Corp..._

Trunks (the chibi one), Goten and Bulma were sitting together in the kitchen, eating lunch. Neither of the two Briefs seemed to have questioned why Goten was even at their house in the first place.

"...Hey, where's dad?" Trunks asked his mother. No one seemed to notice that Trunks and Goten were still kids either, despite the obvious flux in the time stream that that mistake creates.

Bulma shrugged. "I think he's still in the bathroom...combing that hideous moustache of his."

In reality, Vegeta was actually in the middle of a violent life-or-death struggle against that 'moostache' of his. Somehow, this evil moustache obtained a life of its own, and as Vegeta jumped around the cramped bathroom to dodge something ATTACHED TO HIS FACE, he found it to be a formidable foe. It attempted to wrap around his neck and strangle him several times, but Vegeta fought it back with a razor.

"CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU, YOU SINISTER MOOSTACHE!"

Has anyone noticed Vegeta is the only one who calls it a 'moostache'? He's weird that way...

Suddenly, the moustache grabbed a can of shaving cream and sprayed it in Vegeta's eyes.

"J-JESUS CHRIST! IT'S IN MY EYES! KENNY, GET ME MAI DENTAL FLOSS!!" Vegeta choked before falling backwards into the tub and hitting his head, causing him to lose consciousness. Seeing he had won this fight, the moustache chuckled sinisterly, and then slid off of Vegeta's upper lip with ease and crawled into his nose. Something evil was brewing...

Yamcha, who was watching this entire scene from a conveniently-placed window scoffed and thought, 'Wow...this story is going along quickly...HEY! I'M STILL IN THE STORY! AWESOME!'

Then, a meteorite fell down on his head and killed him instantly.

* * *

Walking down the street hand in hand, Pan and Bra were bitching about how their plan was a failure.

"...I still can't believe Piccolo actually destroyed one of the Dragonballs..." Pan sighed.

"I knoooooooow...that really sucks! I wanna have your babies..." whined Bra.

Pan giggled and kissed her lover on the lips. "Aww...you're so sweet, Bra-chan..."

Suddenly, a 4-star Dragonball rolled out from within an alleyway and stopped right at their feet. A cloaked figure stepped out of the alley, and grunted, "MY GIFT...FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE." He then spun around and vanished in an instant, disappearing as mysteriously as he had appeared.

Picking up the Dragonball, Pan remarked, "Wow...that was lucky."

"LUCKY...STAR!"

"NO! WE ARE NOT WATCHING THAT ANIME AGAIN...NOT EVEN FOR THE LULZ!"

"YOU ARE A FORMIDABLE OPPONENT INDEED!"

"...LET'S MAKE OUT."

"HELL YEAH!"

And that's just what they did, and neither of them noticed as the Dragonball slipped out of their hands and bounced off into open traffic...

--

_Meanwhile..._

Piccolo and Gohan were fishing, and so far they hadn't got a single bite. They were both considering just ditching this stupid boring activity and go run over some people, but they couldn't since West City had a restraining order against them since the 'Taco Bell' incident last month.

"...Piccolo-chan?"

"What is it? ...And please don't call me 'Piccolo-chan'..."

Scratching the back of his head and grinning sheepishly, Gohan replied, "Well, I have a question...but I have a feeling you can't answer it."

Piccolo gasped. "W-W-WHAT?! WHY THE HELL NOT?! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN'T! YOU DAMN BRAT, HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME LIKE THAT! C'MON, ASK ME THE QUESTION! I HAVE A 99.999999909 PERCENT BELIEF THAT I CAN ANSWER IT FULLY AND CORRECTLY!"

"Uh...okay," Gohan muttered, "Err...I really need to know...what exactly is Code Geass all about?"

An awkward silence filled the air, and a crow let out a caw of satisfaction.

"...What?" Piccolo asked, bewildered beyond all belief.

"I was watching this anime that Pan likes...she says there's alot of hot girls in it...and I tried to watch the first episode, and although she was right, by the end of the 30-minute program I was at a loss. So, tell me, Piccolo-chan...what does Code Geass mean?"

Piccolo thought about it for a while, scratching his fuzzy chin every now and then. "Uh...peace, love, serenity and little bit of sexual innuendo...?"

"I can dig that." Gohan replied, and the conversation came to an end.

'Geez...that was a close one...' Piccolo thought, letting out a sigh of relief.

Suddenly, Cell and Frieza jumped out of the lake, dressed like catfish, and started breakdancing.

"THIS...IS...WHOVILLE!"

--

_Back at Capsule Corp..._

Bulma and Trunks were washing the dishes and Goten was playing the PS2 when Vegeta finally came out of the bathroom. As soon as the former saiyan prince entered the kitchen, however, Bulma knew something was wrong.

"Vegeta...why are you dressed like Mario?!"

Sure enough, Vegeta was dressed like the Italian Plumber, and his moustache had returned to his face but it was much, much bigger this time. He also had a glazed, dead look in his eyes...but that wasn't really all that important.

"IT'S-A ME, VEGETAAAA!!!" Vegeta screamed before leaping high into the air and then jumping off of Bulma's head, knocking her unconscious. "HA HA HAAAAH! THAT GOOMBA HAS NOW BEEN KILLED...BY ME! FOR I AM...VEGETAAAA!!!"

"DAD, YOU SON OF A BITCH! HOW DARE YOU?!" Trunks cried, but then Vegeta threw a chi blast in his son's face.

"I JUST BEAT YOU...WITH A FIREBALL! FOR I AM...VEGETAAAA!!!" Vegeta screamed proudly.

Goten glanced up and noticed what was happening, and then he went back to playing Persona 4. 'As long as he doesn't notice me, I'll be okay...I'll be okay...I'll be okay...I'll be okay...'

Suddenly, Vegeta grabbed a turtle shell out of nowhere and threw it against the back of Goten's head, knocking him out. "I JUST DEFEATED YOU...WITH A KOOPA SHELL! FOR I AM...VEGETAAAA!!!"

Laughing insanely, Vegeta ran outside and several birds died of heart attacks the moment they saw him. His moustache suddenly let out an evil cackle before exclaiming, "YES, YES, YES! THAT'S IT, VEGETA! SHOW THEM WHAT YOU CAN DO! SHOW THE WORLD...SHOW THEM...SHOW THEM ALL THAT I...I MEAN, YOU...ARE THE GREATEST! GIVE ME...I MEAN, YOU...THE POWER TO RULE THE WORLD!"

"YES! I SHALL!" Vegeta barked, "FOR I AM...VEGETAAAA!!!"

Then, the mind-controlled saiyan flew off to wreck havoc and cause mischief, for the devious moustache now had a hold on him...

"WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!" Krillin cried out.

"Who knows?! We just need to wait and see!" replied Tien.

"But...will we even get to make another appearance, though?"

"Uh...well, I mean...err...AH! WAIT! YAMCHA GOT TO APPEAR AGAIN, RIGHT?! SO WE'RE DEFINITE SHOE-INS!"

"Yeah, I suppose...except Yamcha got killed after only being around for three or four sentences..."

"Oh, dear..."

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Not now, you dumbass!"

"There's a song of it on Youtube, ya know...check it ooooooout!"

"O RLY?!"

"YA RLY!"

"NO WAI!"

--

_And now for something completely different..._

Yajirobe was just standing around next to Android 18 when he noticed a large buldge in her pants.

"HOLY CRAP! IS THAT A SHOCKING TRUTH BEING REVEALED OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?" Yajirobe asked.

Android 18 rolled her eyes and replied, "Actually, it's a gun..."

An awkward silence fills the air.

"...And I hate seeing you."

She then did the 'Trunks Briefs Bump' and the gun in her pants fired a bullet right through Yajirobe's head.


	17. Polkamon

A/N: I need to think up of some material and stuff, so this fic will not have any new updates for a unspecified amount of time. Could be a day, a week, maybe even longer...who knows?

--

Vegeta and his moustache are out of control! Now what will happen to the C-Warriors?!

_In West City..._

'It's a good thing I escaped that crazy bitch's wrath...now no one will recognize me!' Goku thought as he walked through town, wearing a fake eyepatch, a bald wig, and he was dressed like one of the Ghost Busters.

Suddenly, a huge explosion erupted out from the fifth floor in the new Palisades Mall nearby. As usual, the normal people freaked out and started to run around in a panic. More and more explosions erupted all over the city, killing thousands and dealing millions of dollars worth of damages to the buildings.

For some reason, everyone began pulling out their cellphones.

"...WHO ARE YA GONNA CALL?!" shrieked a random old lady. She wasn't with the 'times' apparently.

"GHOST BUSTERS!!" Everyone replied, and then they all turned to a rather confused Son Goku.

"Uh...you mean, me?"

A fat man in a police uniform began pushing Goku towards the sight of the latest explosion, which was a Taco Bell diner. All the citizens nearby were cheering on their new, randomly-placed hero.

"Uh...you mean, me?" Goku asked again.

Once they were in front of the smoldering remains of the Taco Bell diner, the police man quickly ran off to leave Goku to his fate.

"Uh...you mean, me?"

Suddenly, stepping out of the smoke, was...a giant moustache with legs.

"HAVE YOU...COME TO...KILL ME???" It hissed in a creepy snake-like voice.

Goku blinked a few times. "Uh...you mean, me?"

"CUT IT OUT!!!" The giant moustache screeched, and it smashed Goku in the face with a fist formed out of its own hair. However, the attack had no effect on our randomly-placed hero.

Smirking evilly, Goku chuckled, "Heh...you thought you could hurt me, but to no avail. Now...you know what I'm gonna do next?!"

The moustache was beginning to become frightened. "No...w-what are ya gonna do?!"

"I'M GONNA...PLAY SOME TET-"

Suddenly, Cell came driving in on a steam-roller and smacked right into Goku, sending him flying backwards. Hopping off of the giant machine, the android exclaimed, "SON GOKU...DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU VOTED TODAY!!"

"Uh...you mean, me?"

"STOP SAYING THAT AND ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"Fine...I did vote today..."

Cell sighed. "YOU IDIOT! WE LIVE IN A FICTIONAL WORLD! OUR VOTE DOESN'T COUNT!"

A man in a taco suit walked by, smoking a cigar.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT DOESN'T COUNT?! THAT FREAKIN' SUCKS!!!" Goku exclaimed furiously.

"...That's what we get for living in a capitalist government..." Cell replied with a shake of his head in disappoint.

Goku blinked a few times. "We have a government?"

"GET OUTTA HERE, YOU BASTARD!!!"

Suddenly, the giant moustache that everyone apparently forgot about leaped onto Cell's back and started to devour him.

"HOLY SHIT! I'M NOT INTO VORE, YOU FREAK!!" Cell shrieked before disappearing underneath the large walking mass of facial hair.

Goku was horrified. "Dude...WTF? If you wanted some fod, why didn't you just eat a damn TACO?! Also, isn't it ironic that Cell was eaten, especially after what he had to do to obtain his 'perfect' form..."

"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SAVE ME, DUMBASS!!!" shouted Cell's voice from within the moustache.

"Okay, okay..." Without any concern for his own safety, Goku flew right into the moustache and allowed himself to be absorbed inside.

After falling through a few feet of hairy darkness, Goku landed in a large empty room painted completely white. In the middle of the room was Cell...and he was playing Little Big Planet while Nappa, Radditz, Zarbon and Dabura watched.

"...This game sucks," Dabura grunted, before being punched violently in the face by Radditz.

"Uh...you mean, me?" Goku asked.

Radditz glanced over, caught sight of Goku, and cried, "BROTHER!!!!!!!"

'Oh great...now we're gonna have to reenact Metal Gear Solid...' Goku thought with a sigh.

"SWEET CALAMITY OF THE FOURTH DIMENSION AND APPLE SAUCE!" Dabra gasped, "IT'S...IT'S...IT'S THAT GUY!!"

"MY NAME IS GOKU!!" Goku snapped, punching Dabura violently in the face.

'Why does everyone hit me...?' Dabura wondered as he laid on the floor in a bloody mess.

Jumping up and throwing the video games away, Cell pulled Goku into a tight hug and squealed, "OOOH, GOKU-CHAN! YOU CAME TO SAVE ME!!!"

"Whoa...didn't know you were like THAT, brother..." Radditz commented.

Snarling, Goku punched Cell in the head, and then asked aloud, "ALRIGHT...WHERE THE HELL ARE WE, AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS ALL INSIDE A GIANT WALKING MOUSTACHE THAT CAN ABSORB PEOPLE?!"

Scoffing, Zarbon replied, "Why...this is Vegeta's consciousness, of course. Where else would we be...?"

'THIS IS...THIS IS VEGETA?! DAMN...I TOLD HIM TO GET RID OF THAT EVIL MOUSTACHE, BUT HE NEVER LISTENS!!!'

Oh, please, Goku...why would ANYONE listen to you?


	18. Alternative Polka

_Goku is picking his nose...which in no way has anything to do with this story._

"So...I'm in Vegeta's subconscious now, and you guys happen to represent his different emotions? Isn't that...weird? Especially since you're all actually dead..." Goku asked, sitting cross-legged next to an equally confused Cell.

Raditz(he changed his name during the last five seconds), Zarbon, Nappa and Dabura all nodded in response.

"That's right!" Raditz exclaimed.

"I concur!" Zarbon nodded.

"I WANNA PLAY HOOLA-HOOP!" Dabura squeaked.

Nappa didn't say a word.

'Why the hell doesn't he ever say anything...?' Cell wondered, glaring at Nappa.

"It seems that Vegeta's moustache has taken over the core of Vegeta's mind, and now Vegeta's entire body is becoming one giant evil moustache with plans on total universe domination!" Raditz explained.

Goku gasped. "This is just like that crappy spin-off show...Dragon Ball GT! When that freak Baby took over his body and turned him into some fruity freak! At least that show introduced the potential for the Pan X Bra pairing. IS NICE!"

"That reminds me," Zarbon said, "I ordered a Golden Oozaru (that's 'Giant Ape' for all you Filipinos out there) toy once on Amazon...and it still hasn't come!"

"How long ago did you order it?" Goku asked.

"...Before I got killed..." Zarbon replied with a sigh.

"DAMN, THAT'S A LONG TIME! YOU SHOULD COMPLAIN!"

"I WOULD...BUT THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT DEAD PEOPLE'S OPINIONS!"

"THOSE BASTARDS! I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA THEM!"

Deciding to speak up, Cell remarked, "Maybe we should try and save Vegeta before it's too late..."

Goku smacked Cell in the back of the head and snapped, "DUMBASS! IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO PARTY...CAUCASIAN STYLE!"

"I'M TALKING ABOUT SAVING VEGETA!!! IF HE DIES...WE'LL HAVE TO GIVE HIS ROLE TO SENTOSHI-SHIN TAIKUTSU!!!"

Goku smashed his palms against the sides of his own face and screamed, "OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HO-HO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

'Who the hell is Sentoshi-shin Taikutsu? He sounds awesome...' Raditz thought to himself.

Suddenly, completely out of left field, Gohan and Frieza fell from the ceiling and landed in front of the new band of C-Warriors.

"FRIEZA, MY LOVE! YOU'VE FINALLY COME!" Cell exclaimed, "I SUPPOSE YOU MUST HAVE GOTTEN MY INVITE, THEN?!"

"Actually, we just ended up being absorbed by that freakish moustache. It's covering the entire city!" Gohan cried.

"Did it kill Chi-Chi yet?" Goku asked hopefully.

"Nope,"

"DANG!"

Suddenly, Nappa pulled out a brochure entitled 'A Terrorist's guide to Vegeta's Mind'. He handed it to Zarbon, who handed it to Raditz, who handed it to Goku, who handed it to Cell, who just ate it without a second thought.

"ALRIGHT," Goku exclaimed, "LET'S GO AND KISS SOME MUSTACHIOED ASS!!!"

As the C-Warriors headed off without a clue, a mysterious figure was following close behind. However, Frieza ruined the climatic mystery of it all by turning around and exclaiming, "Table, what the hell are you doing, following us?!"

Table, Vegeta's younger brother and a timid soul (the fact is, this guy is A REAL CHARACTER MADE BY AKIRA TORIYAMA. Not in specific canon, but he's in the new DBZ OVA. Look it up for more info), gasped and stepped out of the shadows.

"...Your spidy-senses are as impressive as ever, Frieza-sama..." Table grunted.

"WHOA! YOU'RE...YOU'RE A SAIYAN!" Goku cried, and then he asked, "So, newbie, what's your vegetable-based pun name?"

"It's Table...as in vegeTABLE,"

"WOW...THAT'S REALLY LAME! What's Toriyama been smokin' lately?"

"Don't remind me..."

Raditz stepped forward and demanded, "TABLE...GIVE ME YOUR LUNCH MONEY!!"

"No,"

"IT NEVER WORKS!!!"

And so, a Lv.45 Table has joined the group!

* * *

_Meanwhile, outside..._

"IT'S COMING! IT'S THE GODS OF BABYLON, BRINGING WRATH UPON US!" screeched a four-year-old girl before running away. Large crowds of hysterical people, running for their lives, were scattered about the city. Pan and Bra were hiding in an alleyway, making out passionately without any idea of what was happening.

A giant moustache, with Vegeta's currently lifeless body in the middle providing it life, was stomping through the city, knocking down buildings and crushing people underneath its weight. Suddenly, after the local GameStop was blown to bits, the moustache came to a complete stop.

Suddenly, strange music began to play. Everyone looked around in fright, afraid of what was going to happen next.

"LOOK! SOMETHING IS EMERGING FROM THE CARAVAN OF HELL!" pointed out Android 17.

Slowly, millions of tiny moustaches began to emerge, and they flew right at themselves to their faces. Even Fat Boo, who happened to just be standing there, got a nice big curly moustache.

"ALL THE LADIES...WILL LOVE MEEEEE!!!" the fat pink blob exclaimed happily before being hit by a car.

Now, everyone in West City had a moustache, and their minds were immediately taken over by the giant moustache.

"MOUSTACHES WILL RULE THIS PATHETIC ROCK!!! WA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAH!!!" proclaimed the giant Moustache, and it fired more and more moustaches all over the world, to obtain more and more slaves to do his bidding.

The entire planet was falling into utter chaos...and nothing could be done to stop it...


	19. Fat

_Goku, Cell, Gohan and the others are now traveling upside Vegeta's skull (SOMEHOW) to find an open spot they can go through to reach the brain. After all, after being hit around so much, the saiyan prince was bound to have some permanent damage somewhere..._

"I've been thinking it over time and again," Gohan said aloud, "But I'm still confused...how are YOU guys," he pointed at Raditz, Nappa, Zarbon and Dabura, "Supposed to be Vegeta's emotions represented in physical form?"

"Well, I represent his anger," Raditz explained.

"So do I," Dabura replied.

"Me too," Zarbon spoke up.

Nappa just grunted. He represented Vegeta's ego...which really isn't an emotion at all.

"...Why am I not surprised?" Gohan muttered, sighing under his breath.

Suddenly, while chatting about the finer points of Internet forum trolling, Goku and Table noticed a strange door before them.

"A door...inside Vegeta's mind..." Goku observed.

Table smirked. "Let us investigate, my new best friend!!!"

And so, letting their curiosity getting the better of them, Goku and Tarble barged right on in. What they found, though, was quite beyond anything they had expected. It was a long white hallway with hundreds of video screens built into the walls. Every screen showed various clips of Vegeta's life, from his birth to the current events of this fic. Oddly enough, every clip of him in DBGT was destroyed for some reason.

As he watched a scene of him and Vegeta in their first battle, Goku realized something shocking. "Wow...I never noticed this, but Vegeta really is a tsundere character, isn't he?"

"...Damn. You're right! He's also the only character along with Gohan to really get alot of character development." Table gasped.

"I'M LIKING YOU MORE AND MORE, KID!!"

After walking further down the hall, the two saiyans came across another door, and this one was labeled 'VEGETA'S MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORIES'. The moment they read this, wide smiles broke out on both their faces.

"OH...HELL...YES."

Goku kicked the door down, and he and Table rushed on inside.

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

"Hey! I just realized that Table and dad are missing!" Gohan exclaimed.

"QUIET!" Frieza snapped, "I'm try to see if it's actually possible that some freak really drew Dora the Explorer porn..."

"Dude...Rule 34."

"OH YEAH!"

* * *

_Inside the room of Vegeta's embarrassing memories..._

Holding up a photo, Table asked, "Mr. Goku...who is this blue-haired woman dressed like a dominatrix and whipping my brother up the ass?"

"Oh...that's just his wife," Goku replied without looking, still searching through a large pile of photos. The interior of the room was a simple white bedroom filled with stacks upon stacks of photos, all of them various images of embarrassing moments from Vegeta's past. There were such things as Vegeta reading 'Chii's Sweet Home' and gushing over how cute the main cat character was, him lying in a pink bubble bath, all of his loses in DBZ canon, and more.

"This is pure unadulterated gold, man..." Goku commented as he shoved several photos into his pockets.

Suddenly, a lone moustache was seen scurrying across the room, talking to itself.

"Yes, sir! True satisfaction! That's what discipline brings! Even the five court ladies dancing to frog flutes and drums had it, and so did the whirlwind of recycled paper! Computer graphics playing in my head and I like it! I don't support Technicolor parfaits and those snobby little petite forks that sit there uneaten, and my position on that is common knowledge to everyone in Oceania. Now the time has come to return to the great blue sky, where confetti falls like stardust and everyone shaking around the shrine gates with the mailbox and the refrigerator leading the hip hop festival! Anyone who is concerned about expiration dates, step aside now! No one gets in the way of my glory train! They need to really analyze all of the livers of the triangle goose party! Ahhh! This whole festival was put together by twenty third-graders with lotsa hutspa and one panda! You see?! Now I am...truly grand! The ultimate one!"

Goku and Table just stared at it for a while, and then Table fired a small finger blast at it. The moment it was hit, the little moustache burst into flames and died a horrible, unfortunate death.

"Dude...that was mean,"

"Sorry, but it was really annoying me!"

Suddenly, from the ashes of the poor moustache, another being began to arise. The thousands of embarrassing photos took on a life of their own and started to form together around the ashes, creating a human body from head to toe. When it was finished, the combined photos broke out into light, and a person was standing in the moustache's place...

...it was Vegeta in a bunny suit.


	20. Polka Your Eye Out

_Vegeta has appeared...IN A BUNNY SUIT?!_

"So...this is the physical manifestation of your most embarrassing memory, I presume?" Table exclaimed, crossing his arms in annoyance.

"You could be right," Bunny-Vegeta replied, biting off a piece of carrot.

Goku was at a loss, so he asked, "Exactly why were you wearing a bunny suit at one point, anyway?"

Bunny-Vegeta scowled as the memories returned to him. " It was for Trunks' birthday party. He wanted YOU of all people to come because he thought you were 'the coolest', but because YOU WERE DEAD, I was unfortunately forced into cosplaying as you, Kakarrot. The end result...was this."

"BUT...BUT THAT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE ME AT ALL!!!!" Goku cried.

"Anyway, bunny man, do you know where we can find the evil moustache that happens to be controlling the real Vegeta?" Table asked Bunny-Vegeta, who was busy sticking his finger in his bellybutton and then sniffing it.

Blinking a few times, Bunny-Vegeta pointed upwards and proclaimed, "Go that way, young compadres,"

Suddenly, a large pair of hands emerged from the ceiling, grabbed Goku and Table by the throats, and pulled them into a black hole that had opened up in the blank whiteness.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE...KARAM-BAAH!!!"

"HOLY MOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIITZ!"

Shrugging his shoulder, Bunny-Vegeta walked off to play some pachinko...

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Goku's humble abode..._

Chi-Chi and Piccolo were staring at the tv screen in horror as scenes of the giant evil moustache were played over and over.

"Oh, dear...this is terrible...I always knew moustaches were evil...I can't even see Vegeta inside that thing anymore...poor dumbass..." Chi-Chi remarked.

Suddenly, Piccolo had an idea. "Chi-Chi, the moustache is obviously looking for a virgin sacrifice! Hurry, have sex with me to protect yourself!"

"GOOD IDEA!" Chi-Chi exclaimed, throwing off all her clothes. Piccolo glanced down and saw a_...certain thing..._poking out from between the human woman's legs.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-"

* * *

_Alright, back inside Vegeta's head!_

Gohan and Frieza were slapping each other out of boredom, Raditz and Zarbon were crying, Dabura was eating a bread stick and Nappa was practicing his mime technique. Suddenly, their little activities were interrupted when a hole burst open on the floor and a huge group of tentacle-like hair emerged, grabbed the C-Warriors, and pulled them in to where the evil Vegeta's Moustache itself was awaiting.

"So...it's name is 'Vegeta's Moustache'? How lame..." Raditz commented.

"I wonder when Bra and Pan are gonna get married," Gohan said aloud to himself, but then Nappa palm-faced him rather painfully to shut him up.

Eventually, Gohan and the others ended up on top of a large platform floating in a sea of darkness. And, standing next to them, happened to be Goku and Table.

"Ahh! There you are, idiot!" Gohan exclaimed happily.

"OH NO, IT'S SANTA! HE KNOWS I'VE BEEN A BAD BOY!" Goku shrieked, hiding behind Table for protection.

"SILENCE, YOU MORONS!!" bellowed a loud voice, and a huge moustache formed in front of the group in mid-air. Within its hairy body, Goku was able to see Vegeta lying lifelessly in its clutches. This moustache was undoubtedly...VEGETA'S MOUSTACHE!!!

"So you are the true evil, eh? Nice to meet you!" Frieza smirked, trying to act cool despite the fact he's even less than a minor recurring character...although that's just what he is.

Striking an awesome pose, Raditz exclaimed, "Alright, you dirty facial-hair, I'm gonna kick your ass for messing around with Vegeta-san AND for helping Obama win the election!!!"

'...I voted for him, though...' Goku thought.

"Political jokes will only get you so far," commented the giant moustache.

"EEEEEEEHHH...SHUT UP!!!" Raditz shouted, and he fired a large blast of chi...only for it to be sent flying off harmlessly to the side.

"You cannot hurt me!" proclaimed the giant moustache, and millions of tiny moustaches began to form around him, all of them carrying AK-47 machine guns.

Dabura shrieked. "WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...?!"

The giant moustache shook and exclaimed, "You...you idiots don't know what it's like, being a moustache! Just because two stupid whores (Chi-Chi and Bulma) went and insulted me, Vegeta decided to shave me off! Do you know how I felt then?! I had never been so hurt! Ever since Baby took control of Vegeta's body, I had begun to formulate a plan...to also take control of Vegeta's body. Now, he is the host of my great army of moustaches, and his life force gives them the power to live and function! It is...truly amazing!!!"

Turning to his idiotic father, Gohan cried, "Dad, this doesn't look good! What do we do?!"

Goku smirked. "Don't worry...I have an idea."

Flying up in front of the levitating moustache, Goku snapped his fingers...and the scene began.

"What happen?" Frieza asked Zarbon.

"Somebody set us up the bomb," Zarbon replied, staring at a computer screen.

"We get signal," Dabura spoke up.

"WHAT!" Frieza exclaimed.

"Main screen turn on!"

"How are you gentlemen? ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US-"

Gohan, Table and Nappa all palm-faced. 'Oh god...not this again...'


	21. Bob

_Can you guys please just kill the damn moustache now?!! Oy vey!!!_

"Ha ha ha! You have no chance to survive, make your time-"

"FOR GREAT JUSTICE!!!"

"ENOUGH OF THIS INTERNET MEME-INFLUENCED IDIOCY!!" roared the moustache, "MINI-MOUSTACHES...KILL THEM!!!"

The mini-moustaches aimed their Uzi submachine guns upon the C-Warriors and prepared to fire, when suddenly...

...nothing happened.

"WHAT?! COULDN'T...COULDN'T LIKE SOME STRONG GUY JUMP IN AND SAVE US AT THE LAST MINUTE?! THEY ALWAYS DO THAT IN CRAPPY SPIN-OFF SITCOMS!!!" Gohan cried.

"Normally, that would happen," Goku explained, "But because we ARE the strong guys, there's no chance in it..."

"Shit!"

Getting on his knees, Frieza curled up into fetal position. "Mamma...mamma...don't shoot me, mamma...no more shooting..."

"I get it! It's called 'fetal position' because it's like a fetus!" Dabura exclaimed, chuckling to himself. However, this little outburst of his ended up getting him punched in the head by Nappa.

"We gotta do something! We'll be killed if we just stand around and make crappy jokes!!" Gohan barked.

Goku thought for a moment. "...I got nothing, except some butter and toast!"

"FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUU-"

Suddenly, a familiar voice from above exclaimed, "DON'T WORRY...I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU!"

'Yes! My cliche plot device is coming into place!' Gohan thought happily, until he realized...

...the person who came to save them was Tien.

'SHIT!!!'

"I think you guys have forgotten about me..." Cell remarked sadly.

* * *

_Back at Goku's humble abode..._

"...Why are you hanging on the ceiling like that?" Chi-Chi asked Piccolo, who seemed frightened out of his wits.

"Chi-Chi...what...what the hell is THAT?!" Piccolo screeched, pointing at the _thing _sticking out from between the woman's legs.

Glancing down, she shrieked and cried, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING DOING HERE?!"

"YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW?!" Piccolo gasped.

"Of course not! Then again...I would have noticed it, wouldn't I?" Chi-Chi sighed, unsure of what to do.

Hopping off the ceiling, Piccolo just stood there for a while, thinking deeply to himself. "You know...I have a group of friends that like this kind of stuff..."

"SHUT UP."

"Sorry, sorry..." Piccolo rolled his eyes. Suddenly, another idea came to him. "Let's take some pictures! I know this cool website that needs stuff like this-"

"DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT, AND I'LL CRUSH YOU WITH MY FISTS,"

Piccolo immediately shut up.

Suddenly, Goten ran into the room, calling out, "Mom, mom, mom! Trunks' dad was being mean to me - OH MY GOD!"

"I hear that, kid!" Piccolo exclaimed, giving him a thumbs-up.

* * *

_Back with Goku and the others..._

"If there's one thing," Goku announced, "That I've learned in all of my years in solitary confinement, it is this: Every gal in Constantinople lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople. So if you've got a date in Constantinople, she'll be waiting in Istanbul."

"Why did Constantinople get the works?!" Zarbon inquired.

"That's nobody's business but the Turks!" Goku replied nonchalantly.

It was becoming increasingly difficult for Gohan to suppress the powerful urge to violently murder this faggot he once called 'father'.

"Don't worry...I am here to save you!" Tien exclaimed.

"YOU ALREADY SAID THAT! JUST DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO AND LEAVE, DAMMIT!" Gohan snapped, his patience growing thin.

"Fine," Tien placed his hands together to form an 'O', and then he leaped up into the air. Aiming the hand sign towards the huge group of little moustaches, he cried, "TUNA...FIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSHHHHHH!!!"

A powerful explosion of energy burst off of Tien's body and easily disintegrated the tiny moustaches, leaving the giant one alone and unprotected.

"My power is INFINITE!" Tien boasted.

"Holy crap, he actually did it! ...Wait, why are we just standing around and acting like useless characters?!" Gohan gasped.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR HURTING MY CHILDREN," roared the giant moustache.

Tien smirked. "Actually, I'll make YOU pay for hurting MY children..."

'HE...HE HAS CHILDREN?!!'

"FOR MY LITTLE DOGGIE...YOU SHALL DIE!!!" Tien cried, and he flew at the huge floating piece of menacing facial hair.

Now an ultimate battle for the sake of humanity was about to begin. A battle that would live on in the hearts of millions for centuries to come - Oh, who am I kidding?! IT'S FREAKIN' TIEN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! HE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THIS STORY ANYMORE!!


	22. Your Horoscope For Today

_Why, Tien, why?!!! Why must you return?! FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU-_

"By your Dragon Balls combined...I AM CAPTAIN TIEN!!!" Tien exclaimed victoriously.

"Dude, stop flapping your goddamn gums and kick the crap out of the giant moustache!!!" Frieza snapped.

Dabura, however, was still a bit befuddled. 'How the hell did he get in here, anyway...?'

Tien was about to charge up another 'Tuna Fish Bomb' when his cellphone suddenly began to vibrate. He glanced at it for a moment and gasped, "OH NO! CHIAOTZU NEEDS SOME MORE TAMPONS!!"

"HOLY SHIIIIIIIT...WAIT, DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT I THINK YOU SAID?!!"

"Adios, faggots," Saluting his dear friends, Tien flew off to the drug store, leaving everyone feeling rather awkward.

Falling to his knees, Gohan banged his fist on the floor and sobbed, "So...he didn't come to save us after all!!"

"How anti-climatic..." Cell sighed, dressed like a slutty Japanese high-school girl and playing around with his cellphone without a single real thought in his head.

Stepping forward, Table cracked his knuckles and proclaimed, "I guess...it's up to me, then!"

"Table, can you do it?! Or...do I have to KEEEEEELL you?!" Goku threatened.

Suddenly, before the younger saiyan prince could reply, Cell grabbed him by the head and threw him straight into the giant moustache, killing the poor guy instantly.

"DUDE, WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?! AND THE AUTHOR HAD JUST REMEMBERED ABOUT HIM, TOO!!!" Goku, Dabura, Raditz and Zarbon all cried in horror.

"It's obvious," Cell snarled, "He didn't sign up for Geico, that cheap bastard!!"

"For realz?! Good thing you killed him, then..."

"Ha ha! Take that into a canoe and row it around!!"

Gohan groaned out loud in annoyance. 'This is as bad as the time Vegeta found out about that joke we posted on the Internet about his height not being the only small thing about him...if you catch my drift...'

Meanwhile, everyone was so busy arguing that they didn't notice that Nappa was now face-to-facial hair with the evil conniving moustache itself.

"What do you want, cretin...?" snarled the giant 'stache.

Taking in a deep breath, Nappa held his head back and screamed at the top of his lungs, "VEGETA...WHAT'S HIS POWER LEVEL?!!!"

Nothing happened.

"Ha ha ha! Idiot! What were you trying to do?!" cackled the moustache, and it prepared to strike Nappa down once and for all.

"It's...it's...it's..."

"W-WHAT IS THIS?!!"

"IT'S...IT'S...IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"AUUUUGH!!!"

The evil moustache screamed in horror as Vegeta tore himself out of its body. Goku and the others watched on in complete awe as the saiyan prince immediately turned his attention to the dying clump of living hair and blasted it to shreds with a single Galick Gun attack.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" Then, this poor once mighty moustache burned away until it was nothing but ashes.

Goku was amazed. "DAMMIT, VEGETA, STOP BEING SO COOL!! DO IT AGAIN, AND I'LL FUDGIN' KILL YA!!!"

"Nappa...you...you saved me...your words helped me regain consciousness and escape...and now the battle has been won..." Vegeta said softly.

"Ha hah ha...you're so silly...just remember, when you get milk from a cow, it means you're jerking it off..." Nappa chuckled.

Still smiling, Vegeta pressed his palm against Nappa's face and blew the poor bald guy's head right off. "THAT WAS A SICK JOKE, MOTHERFUCKER."

Suddenly, everything began to shake, and the C-Warriors were enveloped in a powerful burst of light...

* * *

_Meanwhile...up in Kami's Palace..._

While snorting up a handful of crushed marijuana leaves, Dende exclaimed, You know, Mr. Popo...I know this is totally off-topic, but do you remember that crappy Spongebob spin-off parody we did last week...?"

Mr. Popo nodded. "Mmm...Mr. Popo recalls such a thing."

--

_Who lives on a veggie planet in outer space?!_

_Vegeta TightPants!_

_Who can kick alotta ass and still look great?_

_Vegeta TightPants!_

_Who has more character development than a petri dish?_

_Vegeta TightPants!_

_So charge up your chi blasts and fly off into the skies!_

_Vegeta TightPants!_

_Ready??_

_Vegeta TightPants!_

_Vegeta TightPants!_

_Vegeta TightPants!_

_Vegeta...TightPants!!_

_WA HA HA HA HA HA HAH WA HA HA HAH GAAAAHH HA HHA HA HA HA AH..._

--

Dende blinked a few times in confusion. "Damn, that was an awkward moment..."

"Yes, but at least it wasn't as bad as the time we tried to turn the series into a bishoujo slice of life anime, right?"

"...OH GOD, THE MEMORIES ARE RETURNING!!!" Screaming in pure horror, Dende leaped off the tower.

* * *

_Alright, let us continue, shall we?!_

Waking up, Goku got to a stand and looked around. He was lying in the middle of the street, perfectly fine. The others were nearby, but Raditz, Dabura, Zarbon and Nappa were now gone, since they belonged inside Vegeta's subconsciousness. The rest of the city's people were also well and alive, including Fat Boo, who was weeping over the loss of his moustache.

Vegeta was also free of his mustachioed evil, but now he was wearing a bunny suit for some reason.

'It seems...the battle is truly, completely over...' Goku thought, staring up at the skies. Suddenly, it began to rain, and it seemed that everything was done. Lighting a cigarette, Goku slid it in between his lips and stuck his hands in his pockets all cool-like. Oddly enough, the rain did not seem to diminish the flame, destroying any true physics of nature.

Turning around on his heel, Goku began to walk away...and then he tripped.


	23. Smells Like Nirvana

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

"Man...haven't heard that line in a while...good times, good times..."

* * *

_A month after the moustache incident (or as Vegeta calls it, 'the moostache incident')..._

Gohan was lying peacefully in Piccolo's arms when a strange memory reared its ugly head within his mind.

"Piccolo-chan?"

"I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING ME THAT!!...What is it?"

"Do you remember that time my dad went temporarily insane and came into Pan's elementary class dressed like George Bush??"

Piccolo smirked at the thought. "Oh yeah...he claimed Obama was a Namekian and that he'd sick 'Obuuma Ben Ludden' on anyone who said otherwise! He also claimed that the 'W' in his name stood for 'Yet'! Man, it's always funny when an idiot gets drunk..."

"Yeah, it is..."

"By the way, I found out something weird about your mother-"

Alright, let's leave these faggots before it starts getting sappy, a'ight?

* * *

_In some disclosed location..._

"Mmm...mmm...oh yeah...right there, honey...right there...oooooh..."

"Yes, you like it, don't you, Pan?! You like it, don't you?! SUCK IT!"

"Oh god, I wanna suck it so bad!!!"

...O_O

* * *

_In another disclosed location(Goku's house)..._

"If I could be a super hero, I would be Awesome Man. I'd fly around the world fighting crime, according to my awesome plan. If I saw a criminal trying to lie, hurting other people and making them cry, I'd haul them off to jail in my awesome van...because I'd be Awesome Man!"

Chi-Chi held a pistol to Goku's head and snapped, "STOP IT...NOW,"

"AI DIOS MIO!!" Goku shrieked, and he leaped underneath the table for cover.

"I'm still pissed that you left to hang out with your gay boyfriend while I had to spend the whole day with Piccolo..." Chi-Chi grunted.

Goku smashed his head through the bottom of the table and exclaimed, "GODDAMMIT, CHI-CHI, I ALREADY TOLD YOU; TIEN IS NOT MY GAY BOYFRIEND!!"

"I was talking about Vegeta, you moron!"

"Oh! Well...he may seem a little...odd...at times, but as far as I know he's not gay!"

Chi-Chi snorted. "You say that about everyone. Even me!"

Goku shrugged and replied nonchalantly, "Well, how can I help it when all my close, personal friends and family are freaks of nature?"

Chi-Chi was about to speak up, but then she felt a powerful bulge in her panties, and she realized...that Goku was actually right for once.

'DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMIT...'

"Chi-Chi...is that a duck in your pants or are you just happy to see me?!"

"..."

"...If I was a super hero, I'd be Immigration Dude-"

"I SAID, STOP IT!!!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...punks!"

* * *

_In a random park full of randomness..._

Riding on the back of some old lady with a walker, Frieza read a piece of paper he printed off the computer earlier that morning out loud to the public.

"Ladies, gentlemen and children with mad cow's disease, listen to my words and tremble! TREMBLE! TREMBLE, I SAY! WHY AREN'T YOU TREMBLING?!" he snapped at some random hippie.

The random hippie shrugged, and Frieza thought he just trembled, thus he was rather satisfied.

"Anyway, here's what happened to all of the other characters as of now; Majin Boo and Videl are on their honeymoon, Krillin just got a job as a phone sex worker, Yamcha is the guy listening to Krillin's phone sex, Android 17 and Android 18 are exploring parts of their psyches they never knew, Tien is Chiaotzu's bitch like always, Broly is Tetris DS's new living advertisement, and Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon-"

Suddenly, Cell popped out of the nearby lake and threw a rock at Frieza's face, knocking him off the old lady's back.

"IF YOU SPOIL ANYMORE OF THE ONCOMING SAGA, I'LL KILL YOU!" Cell threatened before diving back into the murky depths.

Gasping, Frieza cried, "WHAT?! YOU MEAN...THERE'S GOING TO BE MORE?!"

"As long as Nintendo continues to make Pokemon games, it shall go on!" Cell's voice proclaimed.

Frieza fell to his knees in despair. 'But...but that means we'll be doing this FOREVER...it's just like your hopes of getting a character from Strawberry Panic to go out with you; it'll never happen because they're all fictional lesbians...man, that comparison makes no sense whatsoever...'

And so, the poor former planet-lord of evil slipped into a deep depression...

* * *

"Oolong, we got a problem here!"

"What is it, Master Roshi?"

"I killed a man and I have an erection!"

"...What?"

"I...uh, he just went down and I...I got all hard..."

"O_________O OH MY GOD."

* * *

_In an undisclosed location in an undisclosed country that lives mainly on taxes and cheap hamburgers..._

A single giant bus was speeding down the road of Route 66. Inside that bus was about three thousand members of an extremist cult with plans of world domination and making money off cheap porn jokes. Their group was known as...Extremist Cult.

As several followers of the dark society started up some karaoke, we shall shift our focus to the actual important characters on this bus, who were sitting in the back rows...SpopoBITCH and Guldo.

'How the hell did we end up here?!' they both wondered.

* * *

Starting next chapter, everything you know about DBC thus far will be thrown out the window and blasted apart with an RPG Missile. Prepare for the ride of your lives as things get less funny, more serious...AND ALL ACTION!

"...FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

O____o


	24. Ode To A Superhero

1 minute later...

5 minutes later...

10 minutes later...

30 minutes later...

1 hour later...

"GAH! THAT GODDAMN AUTHOR LIED! WE'RE STILL NOT SERIOUS AT ALL!!!" Cell cursed, clutching his head.

"WHAT?!! WE'RE NOT?!" Frieza gasped as he was applying a fresh coat of lipstick.

* * *

_Last time on DBC, SpopoBITCH and Guldo are stuck on a bus full of radical cultists heading to an unknown destination to put their plans of world domination into action..._

SpopoBITCH and Guldo were getting worried. After finally returning to the series after mysteriously vanishing for almost 20 chapters, they were already in deep shit.

"...How did we even end up on this bus in the first place?" SpopoBITCH whispered.

"LIKE HELL IF I KNOW! THIS IS SO TROUBLESOME!!!" Guldo snapped.

"Let's just calm down and think this through," SpopoBITCH said, taking a deep breath, "We'll get out of this...I'm sure of it..."

"Hey,"

SpopoBITCH and Guldo glanced up and saw a large bulky man with an orange mohawk staring down back at them, his tall body towering over their pitiful forms.

"Uh...hello there," SpopoBITCH replied meekly.

Taking a seat next to the two of them, the tall man said, "My name is Android 16, and I can tell without a doubt that neither of you two want to be here right now..."

SpopoBITCH and Guldo gasped in unison. "HOLY CRAP, HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"

"Because...I'm in the same situation as you guys. The only thing that's different though, is that I never even got to appear in this damn fic until now..."

As they conversed, several of the cultists were cheering on their buddy as he sang 'We're Brothers Forever' on the karaoke machine.

"Well, how do you propose that we escape this madness?! I don't want to be apart of some shitty cult!" Guldo cried.

"Obviously...we blow it up!" Android 16 exclaimed.

SpopoBITCH was in awe. 'This young man fills me with hope...plus some other emotions that are weird and deeply confusing me...'

"Uh...how do we DO THAT?!" Guldo snapped.

Android 16 thought for a while. "Huh...I have no idea."

"YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH!!!"

Suddenly, Android 16 remembered. "Oh yeah!"

Pulling off his hands and handing them to a bewildered SpopoBITCH, Android 16 revealed two cannon slots inside his arms. Aiming them at the cultists, he shouted, "HELL FLASH!!!" In an instant, a huge blast of flames burst out of his arms, and the bus exploded into pieces, sending everyone flying.

'This...This wasn't what I had in mind...'

* * *

_Meanwhile, back at Capsule Corp..._

Vegeta was happily eating a bacon sandwich and watching the Spongebob Movie for the tenth time in a row when the doorbell suddenly rang.

"Argh! Woman! Child! Weird Kid Who Hangs Around Here Alot (Goten)! Anybody...answer the damn door!"

The doorbell rang again.

"Oh yes...I forgot. The Woman took them out to lunch...so they could get away from me or something. Fuck...that means I have to answer the door! Damn it all!"

The doorbell rang for a third time.

"Gah! Fine!" Putting the movie on pause, Vegeta tossed the rest of the sandwich into his mouth and he stomped over to open the door. Much to his chagrin, it was Goku who had come to visit him.

"Hey, Vegeta! Glad you're here!" Goku exclaimed.

"Kakarrot, for the last time...I don't want to buy car insurance! I can fly, for damn's sake!" Vegeta snarled, about to slam the door shut.

"Actually," Goku replied, "I wanted to see if you would like to come camping with me and a few of the guys this weekend! I'm gonna prove to Chi-Chi that you are not my gay boyfriend!"

"You're going to prove that you're not gay by going out into the middle of a huge empty forest with several handsome men, and one of them being me?"

"...Yup!"

Vegeta slammed the door on Goku's face, only to see the sugar-high saiyan smash his head through the door without a second thought.

"COME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON, VEGETA!!!" Goku whined.

"NO, DAMMIT! I DON'T WANNA GO!!" Vegeta cried, slapping Goku across the face.

"COME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODOGGYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!"

Vegeta sighed and said, "...Fine. If it'll shut you up, I'll go..."

"COME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"I SAID I'D GO, YOU IDIOT!!!"

* * *

_The next day..._

Vegeta couldn't help but palm face when Goku showed him the provisions he had packed. Behind them, Piccolo and Gohan were both giving Chi-Chi their goodbye hugs.

"A can of spray-cheese, two napkins, a paper cup, a blow horn...and seventy-eight condoms," Vegeta said aloud, going through the bag.

"I did good, didn't I?" Goku boasted.

"IDIOT!" Vegeta snapped, "WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH SEVENTY-EIGHT CONDOMS?! THERE'S NO WOMEN GOING ON THIS TRIP!!!"

Goku scoffed. "Silly Vegeta! You know that women don't use condoms!"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU-" Vegeta began, but then he let out a deep sigh and muttered, "Is there ANY particular reason you're acting extra stupid lately, Kakarrot?"

"Huh? I am?" Goku asked in confusion.

Vegeta shook his head. "Just...just forget it. Besides what you packed, there's one other thing that bothers me..."

"Eh? What is it?"

Vegeta pointed at Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon and Broly. "WHY THE HELL ARE THOSE TWO GUYS COMING WITH US?!"

Goku shrugged and explained, "What's wrong? They're our buddies, aren't they?"

"LIKE HELL THEY ARE! AND WHAT THE HELL IS JUNIOR COMMISSIONER SKYE GORDON DOING HERE ANYWAY?! I THOUGHT HE WAS ONLY IN THE 'EVIL GOHAN ARC'!"

"Dude...stop being such a bitch,"

After saying their (in Piccolo's case, tearful) goodbyes, Goku, Vegeta and the others flew off to find the perfect spot for their camp. Once they were out of view, Chi-Chi quickly placed a 'FOR SALE' sign in front of the house and drove off to the gay bar...


	25. I Lost On Jeopardy

A/N: Check out my Youtube Channel, too! I made a few AMVs! It's 'Hikasu3445'.

_

* * *

_

_After flying around aimlessly for a while, the C-Warriors eventually found their ideal camping ground..._

"Here it is! Right here! It's perfect!" Goku exclaimed happily, holding his arms out wide. They were standing in a empty circular field that was surrounded with miles upon miles of forest area. Gohan, Piccolo, Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon and Broly began taking out the equipment to set up the tent, but Vegeta was having second thoughts.

"...Kakarrot..."

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, Vegeta?"

Suddenly, Vegeta punched Goku hard across the face. "YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKIN' DUMBASS SON OF A BITCH!!!"

Gohan, Piccolo and the others let out gasps of surprise.

"V-VEGETA!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!!" Goku snapped, rubbing his throbbing cheek.

Instead of replying, tears suddenly swelled up in Vegeta's eyes, and he flew off.

"AH! VEGETA, COME BACK!" Goku cried, quickly flying after him.

Blinking a few times, Piccolo turned to Gohan and asked, "...What the hell just happened?"

"I think they're doing a parody of an overly-serious yaoi fanfic or something..." Gohan replied.

"I see,"

Smacking Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon face-first into the soil several times, Broly screamed, "LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!"

"Not now, Broly, not now! Be patient, dammit! Jeez..."

* * *

It took him a while, but Goku eventually found Vegeta standing at the edge of a cliff, looking out at the vast landscape before them. The sun was also beginning to set, filling the skies with ethereal light.

"...It's like something out of Brokeback Mountain..." Goku commented.

Vegeta nodded. "...You're right..."

An awkward silence fills the air.

"So...what do we do now?" Goku asked.

Vegeta was about to reply when he noticed a group of rather obese hikers passing through the woods down below. Smirking, he grabbed a small pebble by his feet and threw it at one of the hikers, only for it to smash right through the poor guy's head.

"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!" One of the other hikers shrieked.

"THOSE BASTARDS!!" screamed another hiker.

Vegeta winced, and quickly flew off back to the campsite. "FLY, KAKARROT, FLY!!!"

"Uh...okay..." Unsure of what just happened, Goku quickly followed Vegeta without looking back.

**_EVERY TIME A SCENE WITH POSSIBLE CHANCE FOR BOY LOVE IS RUINED, A YAOI FANGIRL DIES._**

* * *

When the two NON-GAY saiyans returned to the campsite, they found Gohan, Piccolo and Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon sitting outside of the tent as they watched Broly fight off a giant bear with a sharp rock tied to the end of a stick.

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS...MOTHERFUCKER!!!" Broly roared, and he thrust the man-made spear into the bear's chest.

"What the hell is going on?!" Goku cried.

Gohan turned to his father and replied, "Isn't it obvious, dad? We're making Broly fight a bear..."

"BUT WHY?!!"

"Because it's hilarious," Piccolo explained matter-of-factly.

"THAT MAY BE TRUE...BUT YOU'RE ENDANGERING THE LIFE...OF BROLY!!!"

"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT!!"

Although they seemingly had forgotten that Broly was a FREAKIN' SUPER SAIYAN, the C-Warriors began to fear for his life as the scuffle with the bear continued onwards.

"Vegeta, listen! We need you to help us save Broly!" Goku cried.

Vegeta, however, had the face of a rather silly looking Japanese lad, so Goku knew he couldn't count on him for help.

"Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon, it's up to you!" Goku called out.

Posing all cool-like, Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon nodded and replied, "Sure, I'll handle this situation the only way I know how..."

"...And that is by doing what?"

"WHY, I DO IT BY...D-D-D-D-DANCING!!!" Spinning around, Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon was suddenly dressed like an 80's Disco Maniac, and he began doing the bump, laughing joyously as he did so. A disco ball emerged from off-screen and began flashing its lights, so Piccolo and Gohan joined in by doing the shuffle.

"DO THE TWIST! DO THE TWIST! DO THE...DO THE GODDAMN TWIST!!!"

Goku was flabbergasted. "I am flabbergasted,"

Even Broly and the bear stopped fighting and started break-dancing like there was no tomorrow.

"Vegeta, we gotta-" Goku began, but then he saw Vegeta was drinking a martini while dressed like a 1960's stripper.

Goku said nothing.

This odd scene went on late into the night, and then eventually the bear had to leave.

"SAYONARA, KUMA-KUN!!!" Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon called as he waved goodbye. Everyone went to bed relieved and happy that first day of the trip, although Goku was still left confused and bewildered...


	26. UHF

A word to the wise: the true group of 'C-Warriors' is never definite; it always changes, as you have seen throughout this crazy little crackfic.

Also, any phrases or things you don't understand, look it up please.

* * *

_I__t had been two days since the camping trip began...now, it is early morning..._

"...Kakarrot..."

"Yes, Vegeta-eta-eta-eta?"

Vegeta sat up in his sleeping bag and glared at Goku. "...Why the fuck are we even out in the middle of the woods anyway?"

"Didn't I tell you," Goku replied in a hush whisper, because the others were still asleep, "I wanted to prove to my wife that I'm not gay-"

"THIS WON'T PROVE ANYTHING, YOU KNOW! IF YOU HAD SEX WITH HER, THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE, BUT THIS...THIS IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME!!!" Vegeta hissed.

"...Really?"

"Kakarrot...you want to prove to her that you're not gay, so how is going out into the middle of the woods with a bunch of handsome men going to help make that possible? You screwed everything up!"

Goku gasped. "You're...you're right!"

"Obviously..."

Standing up, Goku blasted the tent to pieces and shouted, "EVERYONE, WAKE THE HELL UP...NOW!!!"

"Ugh...w...what is it, dad?" Gohan grunted as he rubbed his eyes and yawned. Piccolo, Broly and Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon were pretty pissed to have been awakened so suddenly.

"WE'RE HEADIN' BACK HOME! THIS CAMPING TRIP TURNED OUT TO BE A FOOLISH WASTE OF TIME!!!" Goku declared.

"No way! We can't leave yet! I need that bear's phone number first so I can invite him to meet the family some time!" Skye Gordon cried.

"Sorry...but my word is law!"

Vegeta smirked. 'Finally...we can go back home...AND I CAN HAVE MY BACON AGAIN...AND SPONGEBOB!!!'

Broly, however, was not happy with this in the slightest. "L...LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER?!! LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER! LET'S PLAY SOME-"

"Broly, you can stop talking like that now," Goku snapped in a serious tone, "We already know you can speak normally, all the way back in chapter 1, for crying out loud!!!"

"L...L...Let's play some t-tetris...m-m-motherfucker..." Broly whimpered sadly, tears forming in his eyes.

"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID, GOKU! YOU MADE BROLY CRY!!!" Piccolo exclaimed.

Goku shrugged. "Hey, if he wants to act like a frickin' baby and cry, then let him...not my problem..."

'WHOA...GOKU IS SERIOUSLY YANDERE RIGHT NOW...'

Lying on his back, Broly kicked and screamed like a little child. "LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER! LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!! LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

"Calm down, Broly! Calm down!" Gohan cried, waving a small cat toy in front of the large man's eyes. Eventually, Broly stopped crying and, taking the little doll in his big arms, started rocking it back and forth while smiling happily.

"OH YEAH! TAKE THAT, PRESIDENT BUSH!!!" Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon bellowed.

"This might seem off-topic," Vegeta spoke up, "But this all reminds me of an old scene of ours a long time ago..."

* * *

_Goku walks into the room and notices Vegeta eating a pie._

_"Ooh, you got some pie, huh? Can I have a piece?"_

_"Uh...sure." Vegeta hands him the plate and stops eating._

_"Ooh, let me have some of that Cool 'Hwhip'!" Goku exclaims._

_Vegeta blinks a few times in confusion. "What'd you say?"_

_"You can't have a pie without Cool 'Hwhip'!" Goku replies._

_"Cool 'Hwhip'?" Vegeta asks._

_"Cool 'Hwhip', yeah..."_

_"You mean Cool Whip,"_

_"Yeah, Cool 'Hwhip'..."_

_"Cool Whip,"_

_"Cool 'Hwhip',"_

_"Cool Whip,"_

_"Cool 'Hwhip',"_

_"You're saying it weird. Why are you putting so much emphasis on the 'H'?"_

_"What are you talking about? I'm just saying it - Cool 'Hwhip'. You put Cool 'Hwhip' on pie. Pie tastes better with Cool 'Hwhip'!"_

_"Say 'whip',"_

_"Whip,"_

_"Now say 'Cool Whip',"_

_"Cool 'Hwhip',"_

_"Cool Whip,"_

_"Cool 'Hwhip',"_

_"Cool Whip,"_

_"Cool 'Hwhip',"_

_"YOU'RE EATING PICCOLO'S AFRO!!!"_

_"OH MY GOD!!!"_

* * *

Vegeta chuckled to himself and shook his head. "Heh heh heh...good times, good times..."

'SO THAT'S WHERE MY AFRO WENT!' Piccolo realized.

Let's take a look at what's going on inside Gohan's mind at the moment: 'I kissed a girl and I liked it...the taste of her cherry chopstick...'

"THIS CONVERSATION IS TOTALLY IRREVELANT TO THE UPCOMING PLOT TWIST!!!"

Suddenly, Majin Boo and Videl stepped out from behind a large tree, both of them dressed in chicken suits.

"I TOLD YA!!!"

Goku gasped. "M-Majin Boo-kun! Videl!! What're you two doing here?! ...And why are you both wearing chicken suits?"

"Well, it's a long story..." Majin Boo began, but Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon cut him off and exclaimed, "YOU TWO HAVE AN INDECENT RELATIONSHIP! THUS...I SHALL BURN YOU BOTH TO THE FIERY PITS OF HELL!!!"

Goku karate-chopped Skye Gordon in the back of the neck and he collapsed onto the ground. "Anyway," Goku continued without a second thought, "I think you two should come back to the city with us! Sound good?"

"We can dig it!" Videl replied.

"Good!" Goku flew up into the sky and looked around for a while. After about 30 minutes, he finally came back down.

"Well...what's up, Kakarrot?" Vegeta asked.

Goku sighed. "I...I think we're lost...I have no idea where we are...sorry..."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUCK?!"

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

"BROOKLYN RAGE!!!"

"OH YEAH?! PREPARE TO FEEL MY...EGYPTIAN RAGE!!!"

"MY VOICE GIVES ME SUPER STRENGTH!!!"

"HOW MANY LINES FROM YU-GI-OH ABRIDGED ARE WE GONNA RIP OFF?!"

"I HAVE NO IDEA!!!"


	27. Chapter 27

A word to the wise: the true group of 'C-Warriors' is never definite; it always changes, as you have seen throughout this crazy little crackfic.

Also, any phrases or things you don't understand, look it up please.

P.S.S. the reason I say 'Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon' instead of just 'Skye Gordon' all the time is part of the joke.

* * *

_Now lost in the middle of the forest, with Goku seemingly unable to sense chi and the rest of the group deciding it would be better to WALK INSTEAD OF FLY, the C-Warriors had been traveling aimlessly for what seemed like hours now..._

"Ugh...I could use a good fuck right about now...like a plump asian hooker or something..." Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon grunted, wiping the sweat from his brow.

Snarling, Vegeta turned to him and barked, "You disgusting porn-obsessed freak! We aren't in some frickin' hentai doujin were everyone has sex during class and shit in each other's mouths in public for no goddamn reason! We have morals and wills of steel! So...control yourself, man, or I'll rip that little beanstalk of yours right off! SERIOUSLY...I MEAN IT!"

Gohan gasped. "W-What?! You're only allowed to do that in hentai doujins?!...I owe those two girls an apology, then...heh heh..."

Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon said nothing more.

"You know, despite the fact we might all die out here, there's just one thing I'd like to say..." Goku proclaimed.

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "And what, pray tell, would that be?"

"BROS BEFORE HOES, MAN. BROS BEFORE HOES..."

"Amen to that, sister...I mean, brotha from anotha motha!" Piccolo exclaimed, raising his glass of beer in a toast.

'I wonder why they haven't gone back to asking why we're in chicken suits...' Majin Boo pondered as he walked alongside an equally-confused Videl.

Suddenly, Goku gasped and pointed ahead. "HEY...EVERYONE, IT'S A VILLAGE!!!"

True enough, the C-Warriors had stumbled upon a small village, and it was populated with people dressed in Colonial-style clothes from the dawning ages of America...if they even lived in America, anyway. It was almost as if walking back in time, and finding themselves in one of the country's earliest civilized colonies.

Glancing at the sign above the village entrance, Gohan read aloud: "'THE VILLAGE OF AGI...WE WORSHIP AGI, WHO IS A GOD...OKAY?'"

'...Where have I heard that name before? Agi...?' Piccolo wondered, pulling out his laptop and heading straight to Fanfiction(dot)net.

A round man with bushy facial hair waddled up to the bewildered C-Warriors and exclaimed, "Welcome, travelers! Welcome to our village of Agi! We rarely get visitors these days! My name is Rutabecca, and I will make your stay in our humble little town a pleasant one!"

"Hold on there, Bucky McBuck!" Vegeta snarled, "Who do you think you are, just walking right up to us and thinking we'll be staying at this crappy shithole you call a village? We don't even know you, man! We just want directions back to West City!!!"

Rutabecca sighed. "Yes...yes, I understand. I can tell you good people the answers you seek, but first...would you like to watch some of our special TV programs, designed only for this village?"

"...What do you have?" Vegeta asked curiously.

"Our television programs consist solely of Family Guy, American Dad, Seinfeld, early episodes of the Simpsons, Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series, South Park, a true ending to the Sopranos and Spongebob Squarepants...we also do not allow anything involving the Presidential Race of '08 nor Dragon Ball GT to be shown on our TV sets..." Rutabecca explained.

Vegeta was silent for a moment with a bored look on his face, and then he collapsed onto his knees and began weeping. "WHERE...WHERE HAS THIS PLACE BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!!"

"SO YOU WILL COME IN, YES?!" Rutabecca exclaimed.

"YES! YES! YEEES!!!" Shrieking like a little girl, Vegeta galloped and leaped into the town, knocking over several old women and a handicapped child in his path.

"Wow...I never knew Vegeta liked those shows so much..." Gohan commented after a moment of silence.

Piccolo shrugged. "Just when you think you know a guy...he goes and pulls a frickin' WHICKY on ya!"

"A what?"

"A whicky...ya know...a whicky..."

"...I have no idea what you're talking about..."

"...WHATEVER..."

Suddenly, Gohan realized something. Turning to Videl, he cried, "VIDEL, WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE?!"

'...NOW HE REALIZES HER PRESENCE?!!'

With not much left to do, Goku and the others enter the village of Agi, unaware that they were going to be stuck here much, much longer than they had anticipated...


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

By the way, the whole 'Agi' thing is a reference to my Eyeshield 21 fic: 'The Rise of Agi'.

Please check out my Youtube channel, too! My username is "Hikasu3445". I made some AMVs and stuff!

My newest addition: 'The Crazy Extreme Parody Madness Slideshow of Ultimecia Science'!

* * *

_The C-Warriors have now taken up short-lived residence in the mysterious village of Agi...and the group speak with Rutabecca inside the Town Hall building._

As Vegeta sat close to the TV, his eyes glued to the wide screen, Goku and the others were busy waiting for Rutabecca to return after speaking with the village mayor to aid them in traveling back to West City. The small room was furnished quite nicely with a rug, clean wooden walls, and a big-screen TV, which Vegeta was practically making love to.

'Good thing I brought the condoms...' Goku thought.

"Ha ha ha! Oh, Stewie...don't you understand that your feelings for Brian will never be returned?! Ha ha ha-" Vegeta cackled.

Looking around in confusion, Videl exclaimed, "Hey, where did Majin Boo go?!"

Suddenly, Majin Boo walked into the room, wearing the same suit as a certain spiky-haired District Attorney.

"THERE YOU ARE!!! WHEN THE HELL DID YOU LEAVE?!!" Goku snapped.

Majin Boo shrugged and replied, "Dude, I can turn into frickin' LIQUID, for crying out loud...it wasn't hard..."

"In any case, I must say that in those clothes, you do make one handsome-looking djinn..."

"THANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!"

"So..what did you find out?" Gohan questioned the pink demon.

"Well," Majin Boo began, "There's this big tree in town square with a bunch of dead bodies hanging from it...and I saw some posters that said 'Anti-Nazi, Anti-Jewish, Anti-Catholic, Anti-Christian, Anti-Buddhist...only Agianity' all around the town. I'm afraid we might have ended up in a secluded village run by an insane cult..."

"...AGAIN?!!" Piccolo cried.

"Hey, hey, hey! At least this ain't Saw VI!!!" Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon spoke up. Suddenly, the front doors swung open, and Billy the puppet rode in on his little tricycle. The C-Warriors just stared on as Billy rode past them and smacked right into the wall, falling over onto his side. An awkward silence filled the room.

"...Huh..."

"ANYWAY, THE POINT IS," Majin Boo continued, "We should get out of here as soon as possible, or else we'll all end up-"

"END UP...WHAT?!" snarled Rutabecca, and he pressed the barrel of his pistol against the back of Majin Boo's head.

Everyone gasped, except for Vegeta, who was laughing his head off at the TV.

"So, you found out what we're really up to, eh?" Rutabecca asked, "You learned that we all plan on sacrificing ourselves to feed the soul of our death god Agi so he can be revived and destroy this pitiful planet and all of its inhabitants?!!"

"Uh...not really..." Majin Boo replied meekly.

"SHUT UP!!! DON'T LIE TO ME!!"

As things grew extremely tense, Broly began to smirk. 'Let's play some tetris, motherfucker...'

Suddenly, in the middle of this crisis, Majin Boo realized something. 'I could just kill this bastard!'

...And that's just what he did.

"WHOA, LOOK AT MAJIN BOO, TEARING THAT GUY'S STOMACH RIGHT OUT!!!"

"HOLY SHIT, IS THAT HIS COLON?!! WOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"THE BLOOD! THE BLOOD! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!!! THE BLOOOOOOD!!!"

"U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"

* * *

_Back in West City..._

Frieza whistled a little tune to himself as he grabbed his mail that afternoon.

"Ahh...bill, bill, Playgirl magazine, bill, bill, bill, bill a used condom, bill and...and..."

Frieza's eyes widened in horror. "OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS?!!!"

Clutching at his chest, hot tears flowed down Frieza's cheeks. Weeping, he spun around and ran back into the house, leaving a single opened envelope in his wake.

It was...it was...it was Cell's report card. He got all A's...way more than the ex-galaxy ruler had gotten in his school days.

'IT'S JUST NOT...NOT...NOT FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! THEY SAID...THEY TOLD ME I JUST HAD A MILD BRAIN TUMOR, AND THEY WERE WONRG! GODDAMN THEM! GODDAMN THEM ALL!!! GOOD GOD!!! OH MY LORD!!! I'M SCREAMING IN MY OWN MIND!!! BLAAAAARGH!!!'

Didja forget he was still going to elementary school with Trunks and Goten??


	29. Hooked On Polkas

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

* * *

_In a single moment of insanity, Majin Boo kills Rutabecca without remorse!_

"HEY, I DID IT FOR SELF-DEFENSE, GODDAMMIT!!" Majin Boo snapped at the author's words.

"Dude, considering how strong you are, I don't think ANYTHING you do could be considered self-defense..." Gohan remarked.

"That's exactly what a heartless bum on the streets would say," Majin Boo exclaimed, "I mean, even though being shot in the head obviously won't kill me, it'll still kinda hurt, and I don't see any problem in trying to protect myself from feeling pain...right?"

"I see what you mean," Piccolo nodded, "But...you tore the guy to shreds...and ate his organs...and played 'Turning Japanese' by The Vapors using his spine and hair to make a guitar..."

"JUST SHUT UP! JUST...JUST SHUT UP, YOU BASTARD!!!"

Searching through Rutabecca's remains, Videl gasped and picked up a small badge that read: 'TOWN VICE-MAYOR'.

"Uh...Majin Boo just killed the town's vice-mayor..."

"...AGAIN?!!" Piccolo cried.

"This is as bad as the time I found out that Dracula sucked cock!" Gohan exclaimed, weeping into his hands.

Everyone stared at him in disgust.

"What?" Gohan shrugged, "It's a choice!"

Suddenly, Vegeta stood up, turned to face Goku and the others, and barked, "THERE'S THREE THINGS I HATE IN THIS WORLD: FAT-FREE BACON, VOCALOID'S GODDAMN HUGE POPULARITY, AND PEOPLE WHO DISS LEMON DEMON! THAT IS ALL!!!" Then, he sat back down and laughed loudly at Peter Griffin's newest gag.

They all let Vegeta's words sink in...and realized it meant absolutely nothing.

"So...what should we do now?" Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon asked.

Picking up Billy the doll (it was still just lying on the ground), Goku checked it over and remarked, "...I think I have an idea..."

"Will it work?!"

"..I highly doubt it..."

"...Fine, we'll try it!"

"YEAH!!!"

"WE'LL STOP THESE FUCKED-UP VILLAGERS FROM SACRIFICING THEMSELVES TO THIS 'AGI' DUDE," Goku proclaimed, "AND GET BACK HOME BEFORE CHI-CHI SLEEPS WITH BULMA AGAIN!!!"

Checking his watch, Broly shook his head. "Let's play some tetris, motherfucker..."

"WHAAAT?! THEY ALREADY ARE?! DAMMIT, CHI-CHI, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME!! THAT'S HOW WE SET THIS UP!!! THEY'RE HAVING HAWT LEZBIAN SECKS WITHOUT ME EVEN GETTING TO WALK IN ON IT!!! TOTALLY UNFAIR, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN..."

* * *

_Three hours later..._

Outside of the town hall building, a large crowd of people had gathered. At the head of this group of humans was Piccolo, who had disguised himself with the age-old costume of a moustache, a sombrero, and a poncho.

"...What the hell is going on again?" grunted an old man who was standing behind the wannabe-mexican Namekian.

"I told you, damn wanker, that sir Rutabecca has an announcement to make to all the people of the village!" Piccolo snapped.

The old man was silent for a moment. "...Does it have to do with those child-labor laws I requested?"

"LIKE HELL IF I KNOW, DUMBASS!! JUST SHUT UP AND RETURN TO BEING LESS THAN A MINOR CHARACTER!!!"

Suddenly, the front doors swung open, and Gohan and Broly walked out, both of them dressed in form-fitting black suits with big shades and fingerless gloves to match.

"WE ARE HERE TO START FIRES AND RAPE YOUR WIVES!!!" they announced in unison.

"OH MY GOD...YOU GUYS ARE FROM THE ARMY!!!" cried a lady in the crowd.

Realizing what he just said, Gohan grinned sheepishly and exclaimed, "Oh...uh...sorry about that. I got a little carried away there...ahem...PEOPLE OF THE VILLAGE OF AGI, STAND TALL AND PROUD...AS HIS DISHONOR VICE-MAYOR RUTABECCA COMES OUT TO SPEAK TO ALL OF YOU ABOUT AN URGENT MATTER!!!"

Leaning over next to the old man, Piccolo whispered, "I've been wondering...if Rutabecca is the vice-mayor, who's the real mayor?"

The old man grunted and replied, "Actually, Rutabecca IS the mayor. Originally, he wanted to be called Viceroy Rutabecca, but the feds wouldn't allow it, yet Rutabecca didn't give up, and eventually he got the title 'vice-mayor'..."

"...That's incredibly gay,"

"I know,"

Gohan and Broly stepped off to the side, and a single figure came slowly walking out into the open...it was Billy the puppet, only he wore a large bushy moustache and the pork pie hat that belonged to the LATE Rutabecca, whose bloody remains Majin Boo was busy disposing of.

The crowd hushed into silence for a moment.

"WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" barked the same old man from earlier.

"Why...I am Vice-Mayor Rutabecca, of course!" squeaked a voice from within Billy. Back inside the building, Goku was speaking through Billy using a walkie-talkie he had placed inside the doll, while Videl provided him the exact words he needed to say.

"Well, then...what the hell do you need to tell us, Vice-Mayor?!" asked the old man.

"Do you ever shut up??" Piccolo snarled at him.

"Now, now, no need to fight..." 'Rutabecca' said, "I just wanted to tell all of you...that you can all go back to West City now. There's no need to sacrifice yourselves to some 'god' that doesn't even really exist...OKAY?!"

"YOU HEAR THAT, MOTHERFUCKERS?!!!" Gohan snapped, "DON'T WASTE YOUR LIVES WITH SOMETHING SO MEANINGLESS!!!"

'I've been forgotten...again!!' Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon realized as he watched from the sidelines.

* * *

_Back in West City..._

"CELL, YOU FUCKIN' BASTARD!!!" Frieza screeched into the phone.

On the other line, Cell winced and replied, "Damn, Frieza...what the hell is wrong? I was busy taking a math test when you went and called me!!"

"I GOT YOUR REPORT CARD," Frieza weeped, "AND YOUR GRADES ARE WAY BETTER THAN ANYTHING I HAD EVER GOTTEN!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"

"Jeez, Frieza, what do you expect? I AM THE ULTIMATE LIFE-FORM!!!" Cell barked.

"Yes, but...Gohan still beat you," Frieza replied nonchalantly.

"FINE! I'M A PSEUDO ULTIMATE LIFE-FORM!!! JUST STOP FREAKING OUT OVER SOMETHING SO MEANINGLESS, ALRIGHT? I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT MY GRADES! I'M ONLY AT SCHOOL BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY YOUNG!!! I'D RATHER BE POPPING SOME PILLS THAN DOING THIS SHIT!!! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" Cell snapped, and then he crushed the cellphone in his hands to pieces and ate them.

Frieza sighed and hung up his phone as well. '...But this is the first time I finally got to appear again in the fic after so long...'


	30. Homer And Marge

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs on Youtube. My name there is 'Hikasu3445'.

* * *

_Using Billy the puppet (Everyone had originally figured he was just a one-time gag), Goku has attempted to convince the villagers to give up on sacrificing themselves to the god Agi! The result is...?_

"...So, you see, children, this is why reproduction is so important for the human race," Billy finished, closing the book he was reading.

The crowd was silent, and then the old man who had been pissing off Piccolo last chapter barked, "WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH MY QUESTION ABOUT THE PRICE OF ORGANIC CHEESES?!"

Curling his right hand into a ball, Billy snarled, "...Pick a finger. Any finger."

"...Uh, the pinky finger?"

"GOOD! THAT'LL BE THE FINGER I _WON'T USE_ TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FOR BEING SO INSOLENT TO YOUR VICE-MAYOR!!!"

As Goku spoke these words through the walkie-talkie, old memories returned to him. 'For absolutely no reason, if only to mock the similarities in the names of some shitty R-rated movie and a Wii video game, this all reminds me of the time me and Vegeta went to see that movie _Zack and Wiki Make A Porno_...'

* * *

_As the lights dimmed, and the opening ads came to a close, the movie finally began._

_A few minutes into the movie, Goku leaned over to Vegeta and whispered, "...Hey, what's that kid doing with that monkey anyway?"_

_Vegeta shrugged. "Who gives a damn...?"_

_Goku nodded, and stayed silent for a moment, before asking, "Why is that kid taking off his pants...?"_

_"Who gives a - OH MY GOD!!!!"_

* * *

"...I liked that movie..." Goku muttered to himself.

"STOP DAYDREAMING AND FOCUS, MAN!!" Videl snapped at him, breaking his absent-mindedness.

Back outside, it seemed that the villagers were beginning to see through Billy's disguise. "I've been wondering lately...why the hell are you so small and wooden all of the sudden?!"

"W-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Billy exclaimed nervously, "I've...I've...I've always been small and wooden!! Are you an idiot or something?!!"

"Hmph! I doubt that," snapped the old man, "Your penis definitely wasn't small and wooden last night!!!"

An awkward silence filled the air.

"Ah! Uh...err...I...I mean..."

"Nice going, dude..." Piccolo muttered, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

"...Anyway," Billy continued, "I think it'd be much better if we all forgot about mean ol' Agi and lived our lives in this secluded little village to the fullest! AMIRITE OR AMIRITE?!"

"HE IS SO RIGHT!!!" exclaimed the village idiot, before about a pound of rocks were smashed into his face.

"...Why do you want to give up on the big plan now all of the sudden, Vice-Mayor Rutabecca? I mean, we waited 20 FRICKIN' YEARS for the fated day to come..." spoke the old man.

Billy hesitated. "Yes, well...I changed my mind! So, let's party, dance, smoke and have unprotected sex! WHO'S WITH ME?!"

"I AM!!" the village idiot exclaimed, only to be smacked in the face again.

"ARGH!!! SIR, I DENOUNCE YOU AS A LIAR AND A FOOL!!!" exclaimed the old man, "YOU ARE NOT THE REAL VICE-MAYOR RUTABECCA! YOU ARE...AN IMPOSTER!!!"

Everyone in the crowd, including Piccolo, let out gasps of shock. However, Billy just sighed and replied, "Took you morons long enough..."

"LET US BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH OUR 'MANNHEIM STEAMROLLER' ALBUMS!!!" roared the old man, and every person in the crowd, including the children, all unsheathed said music albums and charged at the poor doll.

Watching from a window in the attic of the Town Hall building, Goku winced and said, "Oh man...that doll's getting torn apart worse than that guy in Saw III!!!"

"What do we do now?" Videl asked.

Goku shrugged. "We should just leave. We don't need these guys' help in finding our way back to West City. You get Vegeta; we're outta here..."

"Hold on! We can't leave these people and have them commit mass suicide! There's...at least 90 people in this village, and some of them are children!!" Videl exclaimed, standing in the doorway to block Goku's exit.

'We all live in a Yellow Submarine...Yellow Submarine...Yellow Submarine...'

"GOKU, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!"

Goku nodded and replied, "Yeah, yeah...I hear ya. You know, you're one pain in the ass goody-goody..."

"I hear that alot...from my father...while he's raping me...with a whip..." Videl muttered nonchalantly.

"GOOD FOR YOU, WENCH!!!"

Meanwhile, out by the village gates, Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon was chewing on some tobacco and being all depressed and whatnot when a long sleek black limo came to a stop in front of him. The door swung open, and a figure wearing a pair of oversized shiny red shoes stepped out.

Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon gasped. "YOU!!! YOU'RE...YOU'RE...!"

* * *

_Back at West City..._

Frieza had never felt so down in his life as he walked through the crowded streets. 'Dammit...I feel so pathetic...I mean, I know Cell said that his grades don't even matter, but...I can't help but mope about it...'

Suddenly, he bumped shoulders with someone. "Ah...I'm sorry..." Frieza said, looking up...and then he froze on the spot. Staring back at him was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had a clean fresh face, plump red lips, long shimmering black hair, and an amazing body to match, with perfect curves along with it.

"You...you're beautiful..." Frieza stammered.

The woman smiled sweetly. "I'm sorry as well for bumping into you like that! I guess I wasn't paying attention..."

Frieza nodded and he took a step closer to her...and he punched her face in.

"DON'T TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN, BIATCH!!!" Frieza snarled. After kicking the poor woman in the stomach a few times and spitting in her face, he stormed off to get a beer at the local gay bar. He hoped that he would find Android 17 there so he could speak to him about his troubles...


	31. I Love Rocky Road

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs on Youtube. My name there is 'Hikasu3445'.

* * *

_We shall focus our attention upon our hapless anti-hero Frieza for a moment..._

As Frieza entered the small bar, he was overwhelmed by the gut-wrenching fumes of cigarette smoke and spilt alcohol. Besides the bartender himself, only four people were there at the moment...and one of them just happened to be Android 17, who was drinking a cherry whiskey alone at a four-person table in the back of the room.

Taking a seat next to him, Frieza sighed and said, "Hello there, #17..."

"Ah! I haven't seen you here for a while...what seems to be the problem, my good man?" Android 17 asked as he finished off the last of his drink.

Frieza sighed once again. "Lately, I've been feeling...depressed. Like I'm not good for anything anymore. I've had such a shitty life..."

Putting a comforting hand on Frieza's shoulder, Android 17 replied, "Listen, Frieza, you don't have a shitty life. When 18 and I were just little kids, we had alcoholic parents who practically beat us to death on a daily basis. I took the brunt of the attacks trying to protect my sister, who was pretty much a big cry-baby back then. We were afraid to go home after school because of the beatings would we have to take from the people we called 'mom and dad'. Eventually, Dr. Gero appeared totally out of nowhere, shot our parents point-blank right in front of us, and took us back to his lab. We were forcibly turned into cyborgs by having our organs sliced open and our nervous systems torn out...and now we're here..."

Frieza winced. "Damn...that IS depressing! It's so depressing," Frieza stood up and smiled, "THAT IT CHEERED ME UP!! THANKS, BUDDY!!"

As Android 17 watched Frieza skip off in a happy mood, he frowned and pulled out a bloody pocket-knife. "It's time to cut myself again..." he murmured, wishing he hadn't brought those sad, sad memories back up again.

"HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY-"

"SHUT UP, STIMPY! I'M NOT IN THE MOOD RIGHT NOW!!!"

Suddenly, Android 17 glanced to the table next to him...and saw Android 16, SpopoBITCH and Guldo playing a friendly game of poker. Then, the mohawked android happened to glance over and see Android 17 staring back at him.

"Ah! It's you! Android 16! You're alive!" Android 17 cried.

"Uh...hey, #17..." Android 16 replied meekly.

"...What are you three doing at a gay bar...?" Android 17 asked right after that.

Android 16, SpopoBITCH and Guldo all gasped in unison. "THIS IS A GAY BAR?!!"

* * *

_Anyway, back with the actual main characters of this story, the villagers of Agi are about to kill Billy (who is a puppet)!!!! OH NOEZ!!_

"Y'ALL A BUNCH OF KANSAS CITY FAGGOTS!!!"

The crowd of villagers were about to stone Billy to death when they all turned to face the man who had yelled such a vile thing at them. Goku also poked his head out of the attic window, but leaned too far over and ended up falling right on top of poor Billy.

Piccolo gasped. "HOLY CRACK FICS, IT'S...IT'S..."

Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon was standing proudly with his hands on his hips, but the person beside him was a tall man with long red hair, yellow overalls, a red-and-white stripped shirt, white gloves, and a pair of big red shoes that gleamed in the evening sun.

"JESUS CHRIST, IT'S ADOLF HITLER!!! GET IN THE CAR!!!" roared the old man in the crowd.

The strange man chuckled lightly and bowed. "Actually, my good people of the village of Agi...my name is Gordon. Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon!"

"He's my big brother!!!" Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon exclaimed in excitement.

"OMG WTF BBQ?!!"

Getting back onto his feet, Goku brushed the remains of Billy's face off of his shirt and remarked, "I know I'll regret asking this, Junior Commissioner Gordon Freeman, but exactly WHY IN THE HILLARY FUCK is your big brother here?! AND WHY IS HE SUCH A FREAK?!!"

Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon shrugged. "You got me, dude,"

"The truth is," Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon explained, "I had planeted a tracking device underneath my little bro's skin five years ago so I could know where he was at all times...it also sends me recordings of every word he has spoken..."

"SERIOUSLY?!" Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon gasped.

Piccolo was in total awe. "DID HE JUST SAY 'PLANETED'...ON PURPOSE?!!"

"HOLD ON!! I DON'T TRUST THIS GUY!!! FOR ALL WE KNOW...HE COULD BE A STAND USER!!!" Goku snapped, glaring at Ronald with malice.

Everyone in the crowd gasped, although they didn't even know what a 'stand user' was.

Ronald smirked and ordered, "Look into my eyes and see the error of your ways..."

Goku peered deeply into Ronald's eyes. "ALL I SEE IS DEATH, DESTRUCTION AND DESPAIR!!!"

"Not my lazy eye, you idiot! My good eye!" Ronald snapped.

"Oh, sorry...Ah! I see what you did there..." Goku remarked after staring deeply into Ronald's good eye for a second or two.

"However, I will tell you now that I DO have a special ability...I can create sound effects!" Ronald explained, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"HOLY CRAP, I GOTTA SEE THAT!!!" Goku exclaimed with the attitude of a 12-year-old with ADHD.

"I WANNA SEE IT TOO!!!" James T. Gopher spoke up.

'We're REALLY getting off-track from what was originally happening...' Gohan noticed.

Walking casually over to a rather obese female villager, Ronald snapped his fingers and pointed at her fat tree trunk-like ankle. For a moment, nothing happened, and then a sound erupted from nowhere: 'CANKLE!!'

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIT, THAT WAS AWWWWWWESOME!!!" Goku and James T. Gopher squealed in unison, before Goku blasted the annoying (and random) rodent to pieces with a ki blast.

"That's nice, big bro..." Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon remarked, a little annoyed that his brother was actually getting more dialogue than him so far in this chapter, "...but exactly WHY did you come now of all times?!"

Senior Commissioner Ronald held his arms out glamorously with his back towards the crowd and announced, "I AM HERE...TO TAKE THIS VILLAGE AS MY OWN!!!"

Goku gasped.

Gohan gasped.

Piccolo gasped.

Broly cried, "LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon gasped.

Vegeta gasped. 'THE PROGRAM...HAS ENDED!!!'

Ronald was starting to get rather pissed off. 'How many times are these guys gonna gasp...?'


	32. Close But No Cigar

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs on Youtube. My name there is 'Hikasu3445'.

Also, on another note, I just realized that both the Gordon brothers have actually been named somewhat after Commissioner James Gordon from the Batman series. Weird...and I didn't even intend for that!!!

* * *

_Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon's older brother has entered the scene...with evil intentions!!_

"You want this village...as your own...?" Skye Gordon stammered.

"Duh! Are you hard of hearing, brother?!" Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon cackled mockingly, "I dislike large, crowded and dirty cities like West City. A small hidden village in the middle of a seemingly-endless forest is the perfect place to begin my ultimate plan to conquer the world of mass media!!!"

Deciding to speak up, Piccolo asked, "So...just exactly what is this 'ultimate plan' of yours...?"

Ronald Gordon was about to reply, but then stopped and thought for a while. "Uh..."

"YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T EVEN PLAN IT OUT FULLY?! YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!!" Piccolo exclaimed.

"I am not an idiot! I just...I just didn't have enough time to think it through!! Leave me alone!!!" Ronald snapped, tears brimming in his eyes.

Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon gasped. 'Uh-oh...despite his tough exterior, big bro is a sensitive little pussy-ass bitch...Piccolo better be careful...but I don't need to warn him...heh heh heh...'

"You just wanted to appear and have ANOTHER idiotic OC added to this shitty crack fic, huh?! You're nothing but a pain in the ass!!!" Piccolo ranted, pointing accusingly at Ronald.

"S-S-STOP MAKING FUN OF MEEEEE!!!" Ronald bawled, and a huge blast in the shape of the word 'BAWLED' flew right at Piccolo.

"OH YEAH!!! I FORGOT THAT WHEN HIS EMOTIONS RUN RAMPANT, THEY TURN INTO GIANT SOUND EFFECTS THAT CAN CRUSH YOU!!!" Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon exclaimed.

"WHAT?!" Piccolo cried, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Heh...didn't wanna..."

"YOU LITTLE SON OF A-"

Before Piccolo could do anything, the giant sound effect smashed into him, and he was sent flying through the wall of the Town Hall building, leaving a path of debris and dust in his wake.

"OH NO...VEGETA WAS IN THERE!!!" Goku weeped.

Suddenly, Piccolo was flung out of the hole he had just crashed through, and landed head-first into the ground a few feet away. Of course, no one was worried about him. What they WERE worried about, though...was that Vegeta had stepped out of the building, and he was practically foaming at the mouth with rage.

"WHO...THREW...PICCOLO...INTO THE TV SET?!!!!" he roared, and the entire world trembled underneath his feet.

Everyone was silent for a moment, and then they all pointed at a rather frightened Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon. "He did it!" they cried in unison.

"I'LL TEAR YOU APART LIKE I TEAR APART BULMA IN BED AFTER I SEE HER EAT MY BACON!!!" Vegeta snarled, and he charged straight at Ronald.

"AY CARAMBA~!!!!!" A single punch to the face, and Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon was down for the count.

Vegeta laughed maniacally and screeched, "THAT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE...BITCH!!!"

"WHOA!!!" Goku gasped, "I HAVEN'T SEEN VEGETA THIS EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE SINCE HIS WEDDING!!!"

* * *

_As Bulma and Vegeta sealed their marriage vows with a passionate kiss, the priest exclaimed, "From this day forward, you are now Mr. and Mrs...Mr. and Mrs...uh..."_

_Vegeta broke off from Bulma and flashed a dangerous glare at the priest. "What seems to be the problem?"_

_"Well," the priest explained, "I know that Bulma's last name is Briefs, but the wife takes on the husband's last name in marriage...and I have no idea what your last name is..."_

_Vegeta snarled. "You pathetic idiot! I'll tell you what my last name is! It's...it's...uh..."_

_"YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?!!" Bulma cried in horror._

_"IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT MY PEOPLE DON'T HAVE A USE FOR LAST NAMES, WOMAN!!!"_

_"AT LEAST GOKU HAD A LAST NAME; IT WAS 'SON'!!"_

_"OH PLEASE!! 'SON' IS A GAY-ASS WHITE TRASH NAME!!! IF I HAD A LAST NAME, IT'D BE...ULTIMECA SUPREME, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!"_

_The priest sighed and rubbed his temples. 'I hate doing interracial marriages...'_

_

* * *

_

Reaching into his pocket, Goku pulled out a letter. "By the way, speaking of marriages...we're invited to a wedding...even you two Gordon brothers, despite the fact that hardly anyone knows you guys..."

Vegeta stopped tearing out Ronald's hair with his teeth and exclaimed, "A...A WEDDING?! WHERE?! WHOSE THE WONDERFULLY LUCKY COUPLE?!!"

Goku read the letter to himself, and a smile formed on his lips. Soon, that smile exploded into full-blown laughter.

"C'mon, dad! Stop being a bastard and tell us who is getting married!" Gohan snapped.

Still shaking with laughter, Goku proclaimed, "IT'S...IT'S TAKING PLACE AT A SMALL, RUN-DOWN OLD CHURCH AT THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN REGION IN THE MIDDLE OF ZIMBABWE THAT SUPPORTS ONLY LESBIAN MARRIAGES!!!"

Fear began to swell up deep within Vegeta's soul. "K...K...Kakarrot...don't tell me it's..."

"YUP! PAN AND BRA ARE GETTING MARRIED!...Took them long enough..."

Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon was shocked. 'I guess this means...my older brother is a recurring character now...?'

Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon, however, was lying in a puddle of his own blood and could not make any remarks of his own at the moment.

Goku's eyes widened as he read the letter even further. "Uh...apparently Frieza, Cell and the androids are invited too..."

Vegeta's right eye twitched violently. "BROOKLYN RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!!!"

* * *

_At Bra and Pan's hotel room, Pan just admitted to sending the letter to Son Goku after having a passionate round of lesbian sex with her lover..._

"I thought you said we wouldn't invite them!" Bra hissed in Pan's ear.

"When did I say that...?" Pan asked.

"When we were having sex last night..."

"Hey!" Pan exclaimed, "I say alot of crazy things during sex!!"

Bra nodded. "That IS true. I mean, last night, while we were rubbing our vaginas together, you called me 'Hillary Clinton' by mistake..."

"Yeah...by mistake...heh heh..." Pan chuckled nervously.


	33. Chapter 33221100

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs on Youtube. My name there is 'Hikasu3445'.

Also...SHORT CHAPTER THIS TIEM!!! SORRY!!!

* * *

_The C-Warriors are now on a bus heading to the church in Zimbabwe where Bra and Pan are to be married..._

As the bulky old bus turned a corner, Goku put down his book, peeked over his seat and saw Vegeta glaring back at him. They were the only ones besides the bus driver himself who were still awake.

"...What do you want, Kakarrot?" Vegeta snarled in annoyance.

"C'mon, Vegeta, what's wrong?" Goku asked, "Aren't you happy that your daughter is finally blossoming into a fine young woman?"

Vegeta glanced out the window and stared down at the large crevasse below the valley. "It's just...she's a lesbian, Kakarrot! Lesbians aren't PEOPLE like us! They're not normal like us!!!"

Goku cocked an eyebrow slightly. "Oh...and what is the difference you speak of?"

"They don't suck cock."

"Uh...neither do we, Vegeta," Goku replied.

Suddenly, horrible memories of his youth began to reform in Vegeta's mind. 'That bastard Zarbon said that the Ginyu Force only wanted to train with me...HE SAID THEY ONLY WANTED TO TRAIN WITH ME!! BUT THAT WASN'T A TRAINING SESSION!!! OH GOD!!!! MOMMY, MOMMY!! SAVE ME, MOMMY!!! IT'S TOO FAR IN!!! IT'S TOO FAR IN!!! WAAAAAAH-'

Seeing that Vegeta was having another one of his random mental break-downs again, Goku shrugged and went back to reading.

Meanwhile, Piccolo turned out to actually be awake as well, and he was having some problems of his own. 'Wait a minute...am I supposed to be the 'black man' of this show...?'

In the back of the bus, Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon and his older brother Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon were deep in conversation.

"I don't understand...WHY do I have to come with these idiots who are actually my enemies...?" Ronald asked in confusion.

"Well, you were invited to the wedding," Skye Gordon explained.

"...How, though?"

"..."

"..."

Suddenly letting out a gasp, Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon cried, "I GET IT NOW! YOU'RE THE BLACK GUY OF THIS SHOW!!!"

Ronald scoffed. "No, that's Piccolo, dumbass..."

"Ah, yes...you're right...sorry..."

Once again with suddenly, the bus shook violently and came to a complete halt. "HEY, WHAT THE FUCK, OLD MAN?!!! WHY'D YOU STOP?!!!" Goku screamed at the top of his lungs, ruining everyone else's deep slumber.

The bus driver shrugged. "It appears that something has landed on the roof..."

Sighing, Goku floated up and smashed his head through the bus's ceiling so he could see what was going on on the roof.

It was Lelouch from Code Geass, and he was making love to Cheese-kun, C.C.'s beloved doll from Pizza Hut.

Goku said nothing, and he drifted back down to his seat.

"Well...what did you see?" Vegeta asked after a moment of silence.

Goku still didn't say anything, so the bus continued on its way up the mountain side.

'Apparently...we invited him too...'


	34. Pretty Fly For A Rabbi

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs on Youtube. My name there is 'Hikasu3445'.

* * *

_They finally made it to the church!!!_

"...CAN WE KILL THIS GUY, PLEASE?!!" Vegeta exclaimed, pointing at Lelouch, who was raping the poor Cheese-kun without a care in the world.

Turning to Bra and Pan, Goku asked, "So...you didn't invite him, right?"

"OF COURSE WE DIDN'T!!! WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE HELL HE IS!!!" Both lesbians snapped in unison.

"HERE COMES THE NAUGHTY TRAIN OF ALASKA!!!" Vegeta screamed, and he blew Lelouch to pieces with a single chi blast.

Everyone was silent for a moment. "...Who the hell was that guy, anyway?" Ronald asked.

Goku shrugged. "Fuck if I know..."

Turning to Cell, Frieza said, "Zimbabwe sure is an interesting place, don'tcha think??"

Cell glared at him. "STOP USING UP VALUABLE LINES WITH MEANINGLESS SHIT LIKE THAT, DUMBASS!!!!"

Frieza curled up into fetal position and sobbed loudly to himself.

'Uh-oh...I hope it isn't becoming that we're running out of gags or something...' Gohan thought, afraid of what was to come.

Suddenly, as all of these things were going on, Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon took this chance to sneak off. Glancing over his shoulder every now and then, he quickly headed around to the back of the old church and pulled out a walkie-talkie he had brought with him.

Holding it up against his lips, he whispered, "Hey, hey...is this Pizza Man Mike Turner?"

A crackle, and then a voice on the other line replied, "Si. Yo soy Mike Turner!"

"Good! Now...how much does a regular-sized pizza cost on Saturdays?"

"Err...Viente dollares!!"

"MUY BIEN!! NOW GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!" With that out of the way, Ronald threw the device over the ridge and down into the canopy below.

While Bra and Pan were excitedly discussing what to do for their honeymoon, a tall albino man in priest robes stepped out of the church.

"HEY HEY HEY! MY NAME IS..." The priest began speaking in a high-pitched girly voice, before Goku suddenly ran up and punched him hard in the face.

"HOLY CRAP!!!...Shouldn't you wait until the after-party for that, dad?" Pan asked.

"ALBINOS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FAILING ECONOMY!!!" Goku roared in fury.

"Uh...actually, it's your fault...you blew up the White House and everyone in it..." Bra pointed out.

Goku stuck out his tongue, giggled, and bonked his head playfully. "OOPSIE!!!"

Rubbing his finger under his chin in a thoughtful matter, Piccolo said, "Even if there isn't necessarily such a development, it's scary that peoples can't definitively state it..."

'I could be at home right now, playing Persona 4 while thinking up of new hentai doujins to draw featuring the reverse-trap cop girl...BUT NOOOOOOOOOO...I'm stuck with Team FUCK!!' Cell thought in annoyance.

Suddenly, much to the C-Warriors' surprise, the odd priest stood back up and brushed himself off as if nothing had happened. "You must be...Son Gokukan, correct?" he asked Goku.

"Actually...it's GOKU, not Gokukan, whoever the hell that is..."

"Those sounds coming out of your mouth," the priest gasped, "Are those supposed to be WORDS?!!"

Goku cringed. 'MUST...TRY... TO...RESIST...URGE...TO...RAPE...MERCILESSLY AND UNENDINGLY!!!'

"My name is High Priest Timothy Maxwell," proclaimed the priest, bowing before the group.

Gohan rolled his eyes. "Does every OC in this fic have a weird title like 'Junior Commissioner' and a pathetically normal name? I mean...seriously! VIDEL IS A MORE INTERESTING NAME THAN TIMOTHY MAXWELL...WHICH IS REALLY JUST TWO FIRST NAMES!!!"

"My real name was Martha Hillens, but I under surgery a few years ago to become a man," High Priest Timothy Maxwell explained.

"I DIDN'T ASK ABOUT YOUR GODDAMN FAKE PENIS!!!" Gohan snapped.

Clapping his hands together, High Priest Timothy Maxwell flashed a bright smile and proclaimed, "IN ANY CASE...WELCOME TO OUR UNNAMED CHURCH (So we won't get sued), WHERE WE SHALL FULFILL ALL OF YOUR LESBIAN-WEDDING NEEDS!!"

"FUCK YEAH!!" Bra exclaimed, making a 'V' sign with her fingers.

"Our maidens, and my wife, will happily set everything up to your desires!" Timothy continued.

"WAIT A JERRY LOUISE MINUTE!!!" Vegeta interrupted, flashing a dangerous glare at High Priest Timothy Maxwell.

Timothy gulped. "Y...Y...Yes??"

Vegeta stepped up so close to the poor frightened transman and snarled, "...DO YOU HAVE LOBSTER WITH SOY SAUCE??"

Timothy nodded.

"...AND DO YOU HAVE VOLUMES 47 TO 63 OF JOJO'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE?!"

Timothy nodded again.

Almost immediately, Vegeta put on a cheery smile. "Then I shall allow you to live!!"

'I SWEAR TO GOD YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS!!!' Frieza thought.

With everything cleared up, the gang headed on inside the church, although none of them realized that three certain figures were following close behind...


	35. Jurassic Park

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

OH MY GOD, IT'S BACK!!!!1!! For one more chapter...

* * *

_Five hours before the Wedding Ceremony (things go rather fast in Zimbabwe)..._

Goku was walking down the hall, eating a slice of cake he stole, when he heard a grunt of frustration emit from within Vegeta's room. Opening the door a bit, Goku peeked his head inside and saw the spiky-haired Saiyan Prince sitting on his bed, glaring at a sheet of paper lying in front of him.

"Uh...you having complications, Vegeta?" Goku asked.

"DON'T BE AN IDIOT, KAKARROT!!" Vegeta snapped, "I'm trying to think of some good jokes to tell during the ceremony, to lighten up the mood..."

"...Jokes?"

"YES!! WEDDING HUMOR, YOU MORON!!! LIKE...LIKE...WHY DO MEN WANT TO MARRY VIRIGINS? BECAUSE THEY CAN'T STAND CRITICISM! OR...WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR WOMEN TO FIND MEN WHO ARE SENSATIVE, CARING AND UNDERSTANDING? BECAUSE THOSE MEN ALREADY HAVE BOYFRIENDS!! I GOTTA WRITE SHIT LIKE THAT! GOT IT?!"

Goku thought for a while. "...Do you even know anything about humor? Besides, Bra and Pan are both women-"

"GET OUT OF HERE, KAKARROT!!" Vegeta barked, and he ended the conversation there.

Instead of leaving, however, Goku entered the room and said, "Hey, how about I help you write some good material? It'll be fun! We could act like a couple of school girl lesbians on prom night!"

Vegeta sighed. '...How does he know that's what I've always wanted to be?'

* * *

Goten was sucking on his lollipop while watching Bra and Pan practice their lines for the wedding, when Chi-Chi sat down next to him. She was crying as she watched the two women share a passionate kiss.

"...Jealous?" Goten asked with a straight face.

Chi-Chi nodded, and weeped into her palms.

Goten sighed. "...I knew it..."

* * *

"...Cell?"

Cell glanced up from his novel (he was reading _2666_) and saw that Frieza was staring at him with big puppy dog-like eyes.

"What do you want?" Cell snarled.

"I wanna sing like Freddy Mercury..."

Tossing his book onto the floor, Cell snapped, "I ALREADY TOLD YOU, FRIEZA!! I WON'T MAKE YOU SOUND LIKE FREDDY MERCURY IF I PUNCH YOU IN THE GODDAMN NECK!!!"

"Let's just try it!! Just this once!! Please?!" Frieza begged.

"Fine..." Cell smashed his right fist into Frieza's throat, and the albino alien dude crashed to the ground. Even after ten minutes, he still laid there, not moving a muscle.

Cell shrugged and went back to reading his novel.

* * *

Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon and his older brother Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon were smoking some pot in their room when the elder brother suddenly had an insidious idea.

"I've just thought of something insidious..."

Skye Gordon sighed. "I figured...what is it?"

"I'll call some of my old Foo Fighter buddies over here and have them crash the wedding! It'll be hilarious!!"

"...Foo Fighter buddies?"

"Yeah, Foo Fighter buddies...Foo Fighter buddies...WAIT, WHY THE FUCK DID I SAY 'FOO FIGHTER BUDDIES'?!"

Skye Gordon sighed once again.

"In any case," Ronald continued, "I shall bring this series back to its roots, and force them to actually FIGHT!!! That'll totally throw the entire concept of this crack fic on its head!!! WA-HAAAAAAAH..."

'Ugh...this is as bad as the time he decided to be a manga translator...'

* * *

_"Why is this girl smiling so innocently, but her word bubble says 'FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKER McDICKER FUCK'?!"_

_"Uh...PMS?"_

* * *

Pushing his brother to the ground, Ronald took out his cellphone and made the call.

"Hello, Harold? Remember me...Smithy Smithyson? Yes...I need you and your BOYS to come over here...and exterminate the place...oh, you're Harold's mother! I'm sorry, ma'am! Uh, can you please put your son on the phone? What, he's out playing pool? Well, can you please tell him that Smithy Smithyson called? You will? Thank you, ma'am. Yes, I have a boner right now, ma'am. Okay. Good-bye, ma'am..."

Hanging up his phone, Ronald sighed and muttered, "God, why didn't I convince Harold to kill that bitch when I had the chance...?"

"So, they're coming, huh? The Amazone..." A chill crawled up Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon's spine just from the thought of those five dangerous hell-born humans coming to this peaceful little church.

Snickering, Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon exclaimed, "THEY WILL LEARN TO HAVE EVER REGRETTED TAKING ME ALONG LIKE I WAS THEIR FUCKIN' FRIEND OR SOMETHING!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-HAA!!!"

A duck was playing pong with a frog...and lost.


	36. Couch Potato

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously. But i do own the Commissioner Brothers (W00T!! THEY'LL HAVE THEIR OWN TV SERIES ONE DAY, I JUST KNOW IT!!!)

* * *

_Two hours until the Wedding Ceremony..._

"Oh, I'm so excited we're getting married, darling!!" Bra exclaimed happily, pulling her beloved into a hug and kissing her on the cheek.

Pan smiled and replied, "It's like a dream come true..."

Wiping the tears from his eyes, High Priest Timothy Maxwell proclaimed, "IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND MAGICAL, THIS LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE!!!"

"NO, IT'S NOT, BITCHY MAN!!!" Chi-Chi bellowed, and she bashed Timothy across the face with a Megaton Hammer.

Rubbing the bump on his face, Timothy turned to Goten and asked, "What the FUZWACK is her problem?"

Goten shrugged. "She's jealous that Bra and Pan are able to have the lesbian wedding she always wanted to have with Bulma...it's pretty complicated,"

"...I see..."

* * *

Cell glanced up from his book.

Frieza was still lying on the floor.

Shrugging his shoulders, Cell went back to reading without a care in the world.

Suddenly, Majin Boo walked into the room, and he wasp laying Jump Ultimate Stars on his DS. "You know what?" he said, "You're the only major DBZ villain not playable in this game,"

Cell was silent for a moment, and then a single tear rolled down his cheek.

* * *

"IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!" Vegeta roared, tearing the piece of paper to shreds.

"What's the problem, man?! Vagina jokes are always funny," Goku cried.

"NOT IF THEY'RE TOLD BADLY!!! TRY AND THINK A BIT HARDER, MAN!!!"

"Fine...I'll have to think like Dane Cook, then..."

Vegeta grabbed Goku by the shirt and pulled him close. "NEVER," he hissed, "NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN, YOU SON OF A BITCH. NEVER!!!"

"What? Don't say 'Dane Co-"

"YOU GODDAMN MAN-WHORE!!! SHUT UP!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW!!!"

Goku never said that word, well, actually it's a name, ever again.

* * *

Those three figures mentioned back two chapters ago (the author had actually forgotten about them) are really...Krillin, Tien and Yamcha!!!

Sliding a lit cigarette in between his lips, Tien grunted, "So, the job here is...to force Goku and Vegeta to let us be main characters again, right?"

"Yup. Our agenda for our mission is totally different from anyone else's, so if a group of evil maniacal villains arrive on the scene for on explained reason, we can proudly boast that we are not their allies," Krillin explained.

"...Whaaaaat?" Yamcha asked.

Krillin shook his head. "It's nothing,"

Suddenly, Tien reached into his pants and unsheathed a small black box with a golden outline and odd Chinese characters written all over it in red.

"The moment I open this," he said, "The entire series will be turned inside out, torn to pieces, and then badly stitched together by a senile old woman in her 70s who lives at Brooklyn Retirement Home with some hope that her son, who passed away five years ago, will come to visit her and bring her a box of her favorite chocolates, although those chocolates were taken off the shelves years ago due to steroids being found concealed within them..."

"...Whaaaaat?" Yamcha asked.

"What I'm trying to say is, this box has five pounds worth of crushed marijuana leaves in it, and I plan on snorting some before I go in there!!" Tien exclaimed.

"...Why?"

"BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN'T CRASH A LESBIAN WEDDING WITHOUT BEING HIGH!!!"

Yamcha and Krillin both nodded. "That makes complete sense,"

Meanwhile, at the base of the mountain, a jeep was slowly moving its way up to the church. A banner hung on the side of the car with the words 'AMAZONE' written on it...in fresh blood. Four figures sat in the car, and oddly enough, no one was driving, yet it moved anyway.

There was a tall, muscular man with a shaved head and his bottom lip was covered with piercings, a black-skinned man wearing a tall crown-like hat with a hole on the top, a small 12-year-old girl with an X-shaped scar on her forehead wearing a bathing suit, and...and Table....ya know, Vegeta's little brother...Table...from the 'Evil Moustache' arc...yeah, that guy...

'I'M BACK, MUDDAFUGGAS!!!! Why am I with these guys? I'm not entirely sure, but...WHATEVER!! AS LONG AS I CAN GET REVENGE FOR CELL KILLING ME!!!'

With his arms crossed, the shaved-head man glanced to the top-hat man and grunted, "...Do it,"

The top-hat man nodded and snapped his fingers. Two black doves flew out of the top of his hat and headed up towards the church, letting out soft 'coos' as they went along.

"Heh heh...your doves will give Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon the message that we have arrived, and then...THE MASSACRE SHALL BEGIN!!!"

"WE ARE...

JIMMY T. MONGREL A.K.A. HAROLD (The shaved-head man),

ZIMMER-QUEEN MONGREL (The top-hat man),

HILLARY-QUEEN MONGREL (The little girl),

...AND MITCHIE JACKSON!!!"

"Uh...my name is Table," Table spoke up.

"SHUT...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!" roared Zimmer-Queen with so much ferocity that Table nearly threw up...yes, not shit his pants, but throw up.

"In any case," Jimmy continued, "The Amazone have been called to complete a job, and that job...SHALL BE COMPLETED!!"

Table sighed. 'Great...I'm stuck teamed up with two gay guys and their daughter...'


	37. Do You Mind The Reference?

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

* * *

_An hour before the Wedding Ceremony..._

Goku and Vegeta were at their wits' ends. They both laid together on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with thousands of papers sprawled around them. Neither of them had been able to come up with a single good Lesbian Wedding joke.

"Kakarrot..."

"Yes, Vegeta?"

"I think we should just give up..."

Goku gasped and sat up. "VEGETA!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD SAY THAT!! YOU'RE NO QUITTER! SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE NOT!!! YOU WERE FUCKIN' OBSESSED WITH GETTING AHEAD OF ME BACK DURING THE SHOW'S RUN ON TELEVISION!!"

Grunting, Vegeta rubbed his eyes and replied, "I know, Kakarrot, but...it's just impossible to come up with a good joke for Lesbian Weddings that's original, because...all the good ones were taken already..."

"...Were there any to start?"

"Shut up..."

Goku thought for a while. "...Remember that time you and I accidently went into the Westboro Baptist Church by mistake?"

A smirk formed on Vegeta's lips. "Oh, yeah...we had_ Freur Frei_ by Rammestein playing in the background..."

"I never knew that we'd actually get PAID for performing a massive homocide..."

Suddenly, Vegeta had an idea. "THAT'S IT, KAKARROT!!!"

"A massive homocide...?" Goku asked.

"NO!! WE'LL JUST USE OLD LESBIAN JOKES AND TWIST THEM AROUND A LITTLE TO MAKE THEM FIT THE SITUATION!!! IT'S BRILLIANT!! Everyone loves the oldies!"

"Yeah!" Goku added, "Like when I tell them to Chi-Chi, she laughs...and then she hits me..."

"LET'S DO IT, KAKARROT!!!"

"OH YEAH!! SODOMY!!!"

"NO!!! I MEANT THE JOKES!!!"

"...RIGHT!!! LET'S KICK SOME ASS!!!"

* * *

High Priest Timothy Maxwell walked by a window when he noticed a pair of black doves looking in.

"...Huh. I've never seen black doves before," Timothy muttered to himself.

Suddenly, he felt something hot on his chest. Glancing down, he saw four small laser beams tearing through his abdomen. The beams were being fired...from within the doves' eyes. The beams had broken through the glass, and the entire window shattered.

Coughing up blood, High Priest Timothy Maxwell crashed to the ground, and the two doves quickly flew in and turned right down the hall.

Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon had just stepped out of the bathroom when the two doves landed on the ground in front of him.

"Ahh...so the Amazone have finally arrived, eh?" Ronald smirked.

"Actually, we came here to ask if you'd like a free coupon to KFC..." replied one of the doves.

"Oh...do you have any for Applebee's or Taco Bell...or McDonalds?"

The dove opened its little purse, and dug around for a bit. nfortunately, it even replied, "Sorry, we only got coupons to KFC..."

"FUCK YOU BOTH!!!" Ronald crushed the two doves under his feet and started tearing them apart violently when Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon stepped out into the hall and saw it.

"OH...MY...GOODY GOODY GAWWWWWWD...!!!"

Grabbing Skye by the shirt, Ronald hissed, "YOU SAW NOTHING,"

"I SAW NOTHING," Skye replied.

"GOOD,"

"GOOD,"

* * *

Majin Boo was poking Frieza's body with a stick, but the poor guy still wasn't getting up.

"...I think you killed him, Cell," Majin Boo muttered.

"Nah! Not possible! He's just unconscious! I didn't even put any power into that punch anyway," Cell snapped, not taking his eyes off his book.

"...He's not breathing..."

"FUCK IT, MAN, WE ARE NOT HAVING A WEDDING AND A FUNERAL ON THE SAME DAY!!! HE'S JUST UNCONSCIOUS!!! GOT IT?!"

Majin Boo was silent for a moment. "...There's a sticky note on his face that says he's dead..."

"I SAID SHUT UP!!!"

Suddenly, a loud explosion shook the entire foundation of the church. Standing up, Cell cried, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

Stepping in through the burnt remains of the church's front doors were the four members of Amazone...and Yamcha, Tien and Krillin, who were taken hostage by the group.

"WHY DIDN'T WE JUST SNORT THE DRUGS WHEN WE HAD THE CHANCE?!" Krillin sobbed.

Yamcha and Tien, however, had the same kind of expression on their faces: ಠ_ಠ.


	38. Don't Download This Song

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

* * *

"WHEN I'M A-WALKIN', I STRUT MY STUFF, AND I'M SO STRUCK OUT-"

"NO SINGING!!!" Jimmy T. Mongrel snapped, slapping Krillin in the back of the head.

Struggling to break out of the ropes Zimmer-Queen Mongrel had tied him in, Yamcha cried, "Just who the hell are you guys anyway?! We were gonna crash this wedding, and you bastards just sneak up behind us and take us hostage!!! IT'S TERRIBLY RUDE, SIR!! TERRIBLY RUDE!!!"

"SHUT YOUR PIE-HOLE!!!" Hillary-Queen Mongrel roared in an unnaturally deep voice for such a young girl, and thousands of small holes suddenly burst open on Yamcha's shirt, although he himself wasn't injured at all.

"...My shirt's full of holes. Can I go home now?"

"NO!!!!"

Leaning over to Krillin, Tien whispered, "...I think I saw a porno like this once..."

"Really?" Krillin replied, "What was it called?"

"...Harry Potter And The Goblet of Fire..."

"...I always knew that Dumbledore was up to something!!!"

A minute later, Cell and Majin Boo ran out into the main chapel area, and saw the three Amazones...and Table.

Cell gasped and pointed at Table. "IT'S YOU!!!"

Table gasped and pointed at Cell. "YEAH, I KNOW!!! AND YOU'RE YOU!!!"

Zimmer-Queen tapped his forehead three times and then muttered in a raspy voice, "...Can I kill them, m'man...?"

Jimmy nodded.

Just as Zimmer-Queen took a step forward, Table held out his arm and exclaimed, "HOLD ON!! THE BUG GUY IS MINE!!!"

Cell cocked an eyebrow. 'Bug guy...?'

"HE'S...MINE!!!" Table barked, and he charged straight at Cell...only to be blasted away off the mountain cliff by a simple chi blast fired by the 'bug man'.

"...Poor rookie..." Majin Boo sighed.

"AWW!!! THEY KILLED THAT GUY...WHOEVER HE WAS!!!" Hillary-Queen whined, tears flowing from her eyes in a comedic fashion, "I REALLY, REALLY LIKED HIM, TOO!!!"

Cracking his knuckles, Cell smirked and proclaimed, "I guess we'll just kill you six dumbasses as well..."

Yamcha, Krillin and Tien all gasped in shock. 'HE'S GOING TO KILL US, TOO?!'

"I'll kill both of these bastards good...okay?" Hillary-Queen sneered, stepping out in front to face off against Cell and Majin Boo.

Jimmy nodded.

"HEY HEY HEY!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, LETTING A LITTLE GIRL FIGHT?! SHE SHOULD AT LEAST BE...10 OR SOMETHING BEFORE YOU FORCE HER TO COMMIT VIOLENT ACTS!!! I CAN'T BEAT UP LITTLE CHILDREN!! I MAY BE EVIL, BUT I STILL HAVE MORALS!!!" Cell spoke up.

"...She's 12..." Zimmer-Queen remarked.

"OH! Okay, then...I'LL TEAR HER FACE OFF AND EAT IT!!!"

Majin Boo handed Cell a bottle of ketchup. "Use it well, my son..."

Suddenly, just as Cell prepared to fire another chi blast, thousands of small holes suddenly popped open all over his body, spilling blood all over the floor, and he fell over onto one knee. Majin Boo also suffered the same fate, but his elastic-like skin quickly reformed itself.

Breathing heavily, Cell cried, "WHAT...WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT...?!"

Hillary-Queen smirked. "It's my special ability of course. I can choose what I want the holes to tear apart. Usually, to threaten people, I tear their clothes, but when I want to kill someone...I tear their whole body open!!!"

'I guess I'll have to fight her...' Majin Boo figured, getting into a fighting pose.

"AWW!!! ISN'T SHE PRECIOUS?!!" Jimmy cooed, placing his hands on his cheeks and swaying his hips back and forth.

Zimmer-Queen smiled at the sight. "...She's our little girl, for sure..."

"WHHHHHHY ARE ALL OF OUR OPPONENTS ALWAYS SO GAY...?!" Krillin weeped, "...Not that I have a problem with gay people or anything...I don't! Really!"

"Smoooooooth wording there..." Tien replied.

Suddenly, Goku and Vegeta barged into the room, waving a sheet of paper around. "WE DID IT, GUYS!! WE DID IT!!! WE MADE A WHOLE LIST OF AWESOME LESBIAN JOKES AND - Hey, no one told us that the Republicans were coming!!"

"YOU IDIOTS!! SAVE US FROM THESE LUNATICS...AND MAKE US MAIN CHARACTERS AGAIN!!!" Yamcha snapped.

"We are the Amazone," Jimmy announced, "And we have been called here by a good friend of ours to eliminate all of you. So, good sir, I beg of you not to fight back as I tear out your spleen and kidneys with my bare hands..."

Goku thought about it for a moment. "Uh...Can you kill Vegeta first?"

"Sure!"

"DAMMIT, KAKARROT!!! WHEN YOU'RE NOT MAKING ME HORNY, YOU'RE MAKING ME SUFFER!! ALWAYS!!!" Vegeta whined, slapping Goku in the back of the head.

Taking Vegeta by the arm, Goku said, "Don't worry, it's only a flesh wound..."

"...What?"

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Zimmer-Queen sighed and stepped forward. "I'll fight the one with the spiky hair, I suppose..."

An awkward silence filled the room.

"...The guy named Vegeta, I mean..."

"OH!! Yeah, you should just clarify stuff like that in better way when you first say it, Zimmer-Queen..."

Goku decided he would go up against this Jimmy Mongrel guy, so he could actually fight again after so long. 'I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S LIKE...A DREAM COME TRUE!!!'

Meanwhile, from behind the corner, Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon waited patiently for the fights to unfold.

'This is gonna be good...LIKE SWEDISH CHEDDAR!!!' he figured, grinning mischievously to himself.

Where the hell is everyone else at the moment, you ask? Well...it'd be better if I didn't say...

* * *

_**OFFICIAL AMAZONE RECORDS:**_

Name: Jimmy Tonsils Mongrel A.K.A. Harold

Age: 27

Height: 6 ft. 3 in.

Weight: 161 pounds (muscle)

Blood Type: A

Special Ability: ???

Family: Husband - Zimmer-Queen

Daughter - Hillary-Queen Mongrel

Favorite Food: Tuna

Favorite Movie: The Matrix

Education: College Drop-Out, Underground Boxing Champion

Position in the group: Leader of the Amazone

Job: Currently unemployed

Hair Color: Reddish-Orange

Eye Color: Brown

Skin Color: White

Extra Info: Only acts like a stereotypical homosexual when overly excited or happy. The rest of the time, he's one hell of a badass.


	39. Death Of A Hero?

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

* * *

_The first and last actual battle of DBC?!! And...Majin Boo is one of the heroes? Shouldn't it be a mainstream character, like, uh...Gohan or something? Also, Vegeta and Goku are dressed in suits with ties, because, well, they're at a wedding...PRETTY COOL, EH?!_

Vegeta and Zimmer-Queen Mongrel stood several feet from one another, glaring intensely into each other's eyes. The tension around them was so thick that a small rat that was scurrying by suddenly collapsed due to its lungs imploding. A powerful, glowing aura flowed off of the two fighters' bodies, and five minutes had passed before anything actually happened.

"...You wear a very large hat," Vegeta said.

Zimmer-Queen nodded. "Thank you for pointing that out..."

"Actually, I was insulting you..."

"Oh, really?"

"Yes. The fact that your hat is so tall and large only concedes with the notion that you are in fact just a pitiful, weak man with no useful attributes that could prove helpful to society. Thus, your social standing is quite low, as is your self-esteem, and the only way you can overcome this deep sadness within your heart is through unreasonable violence that will only cause you greater stress and pain, which completely contradicts your 'methods', as you are slowly spiraling further and further down into this pit of despair you have dug yourself into..."

Zimmer-Queen was silent for a moment. "...Did you just call me gay?"

"Yes, yes I did...but you are, aren't you?"

"Well, I am, but...YOU DIE NOOOOOOOW..."

Zimmer-Queen's top hat suddenly snapped open in half, and thousands of long thin strings flew out and wrapped themselves around Vegeta, although the Saiyan Prince simply increased his power and blew the strings apart, freeing himself within seconds of being captured.

Zimmer-Queen's eyes bugged out in a comical manner. "...Ahh..."

"You don't really have any emotions, do you?" Vegeta asked.

"...Not really..." Zimmer-Queen replied.

"WELL, THEN THAT MAKES DOING THIS EASY!!!" Vegeta cackled, and he reached into his pocket, and he unsheathed...a small black notebook.

Zimmer-Queen gasped. "A...a...a Death Note?!!"

"FUCK NO, YOU MORON!! I WROTE ALL MY LESBIAN JOKES IN HERE FOR THE WEDDING, AND I'M GONNA READ SOME TO YA AND YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, OKAY?!" Vegeta ordered.

"...But...we're supposed to be fighting..."

"JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!"

"Okay...okay..."

Flipping through a few pages, Vegeta stopped and said, "Alright, here's one: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?"

"..."

"WHAT DO YOU CALL A LESBIAN DINOSAUR?!"

"...I don't know..."

"...A Lickalotapus!!" Vegeta exclaimed triumphantly, but an awkward silence suddenly befell them.

Zimmer-Queen pinched the skin between his eyes, and was silent for a moment. "...I'm not sure how to react to that..."

"No good, huh?" Vegeta asked, "Fine then, I'll tell you another one: Why do gay men like to have lesbian friends?"

"..."

"WHY DO GAY MEN LIKE TO HAVE LESBIAN FRIENDS?!"

"...I still don't know..."

"...So they can have someone to mow the lawn!! Get it?! Get it?!"

Zimmer-Queen couldn't take much more of this idiot, so he decided to finish him off right then and there. Reaching up, Zimmer-Queen removed his hat, and dropped it to the floor. The instant the hat touched the ground, it burst into flames and quickly shattered to pieces.

Vegeta gasped. "Wait...what...what the hell is that on your head?!!"

Suddenly, something swift flew past, and Vegeta's entire body from the waist down had disappeared.

"Sorry..." Zimmer-Queen mumbled, "But...you were really annoying..."

Coughing up blood and cursing under his breath, Vegeta's upper half collapsed onto the ground...and his eyes drew shut.

'I lost already, Kakarrot...that's just fucked up...'


	40. It's All About the Pentiums

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

WARNING: UP AHEAD IS THE BIGGEST PLOT TWIST IN ALL OF DBC HISTORY!!!...if you actually consider this fic to have a plot, anyway.

* * *

As Goku was about ready to pound on Jimmy T. Mongrel, he happened to glance over to see how Vegeta's fight was going. What he saw both horrified and infuriated him; the proud Saiyan Prince's body had been sliced in half, and the one called Zimmer-Queen stood over him, a strange scythe-like tentacle protruding from his skull.

"V...V...VEEEEEGGGGEEETTTAAAA!!!!" Goku cried.

"Ha ha ha!! Look at that!!! He lost!! Your fucked-up little fuck-buddy lost, you dumb fucker!!!" Jimmy T. Mongrel howled, laughing hysterically at the look on Goku's face.

"Shut up!! Shut up, right now!!" Goku snapped, tears in his eyes, "Vegeta was WAY more powerful than you!!!"

Jimmy scoffed. "You really think so? How about...I tell you what my almighty power is, then?"

"OH YEAH!! SHOW IT THEN!!! SHOW THIS 'MARVELOUS POWER' OF YOURS!!!"

Closing his eyes, Jimmy's face became tense under concentration. Goku didn't have time to wait; he was about to smash his foot into Jimmy's crotch when his eyes suddenly snapped open. Goku froze on the spot, wondering what would happen next.

"...Your blood type is A," Jimmy said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Goku gasped. "HOW...HOW DID YOU KNOW?!!"

Jimmy tapped his forehead and replied, "Why, that's my ability, of course! I can tell your blood type without even needing any official medical documents!! Bwa ha ha! How do ya like that?!"

Goku was speechless. '...Can I really win against someone with THIS kind of ability?'

"Anything else you'd like to know?" Jimmy asked.

"You can tell other stuff besides just the blood type too?!"

Jimmy shook his head. "Why don't you tell me about your past, instead? I'm sure it's interesting..."

Goku nodded and, despite the fact that he was supposed to be brutally beating the shit out of this guy right now, began to rant about his youth. As he did, Jimmy slowly pulled a gun out of his back-pocket.

"Truthfully, the details of my life are quite inconsequential. Very well, though, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with a low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloë with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds--pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Wilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shaved scrotum. It's breathtaking--I suggest you try it..."

"OH...I SHALL TRY IT LATER TONIGHT!!!" Jimmy screamed, and he aimed the pistol at Goku's chest, and fired several shots.

Goku staggered for a moment, before crashing backwards onto the ground, his body riddled with bullet holes. He was dead.

Yamcha's mouth hung wide open. 'HE LOST TO A GUY WHOSE ABILITY IS GUESSING YOUR BLOOD TYPE?!!'

Jimmy stared at the corpse, wide-eyed, and then an insane smile formed on his face. "I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!! I DID IT!! I DID IT!! I DID IT!! I KILLED FUCKIN' SON GOKU!!!! WAAAAAH HA HA HA-"

Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Yeeeees...?" Spinning around, Jimmy saw Majin Boo standing before him, holding up Hillary-Queen by the hair.

"I lost, daddy..." Hillary-Queen sighed.

"Aww, it's okay, princess..."

Cell, who was watching the whole scene unfold, slammed his fists on the ground and cursed, "DAMMIT!! WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A WEDDING AND A FUNERAL ON THE SAME DAY AFTER ALL!!!"

The three Amazones all turned their attention to Cell. "Oh my god, there's a wedding!" Jimmy cried, "I totally forgot!! C'mon, you two, let's take our seats and show our respects to the soon-to-be-married couple!"

Jimmy, Zimmer-Queen and Hillary-Queen sat down in their seats and began praying silently. With nothing else left to do, everyone got into their positions, and soon, the wedding began. As Bra and Pan were walking down the aisle, they both almost tripped over Goku's carcass, but Chi-Chi just kicked it out of the way without a second thought.

"Do you, Bra, take Pan as your wife?"

"I do."

"And do you, Pan, take Bra as your wife?"

"Fuck...yeah."

"THEN," exclaimed the replacement priest who oddly resembled Frieza, "I PRONOUNCE YOU...WIFE AND BITCH!!!!"

Everyone clapped and cheered as Bra and Pan passionately kissed, but things got a little awkward when they started fingering each other. In any case, they were now married...and Chi-Chi was as jealous as ever.

Glancing down at what remained of Goku and Vegeta, Cell thought, 'When will anyone realize that they were just killed...?'


	41. Everything You Know Is Wrong

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

THE FINAL ARC OF DRAGON BALL C BEGINS NOW!!!

* * *

_It has been several days since the C-Warriors returned to West City, and Bra and Pan were still on their honeymoon together...oddly enough, the Amazones had gone with them to be their 'professional bodyguards'..._

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT GOKU'S DEAD?!!" Chi-Chi cried when Cell told her, Krillin, Tien, Yamcha, Bulma, Broly and the Android siblings the news after having them gather at the local gay bar; they would have rather gone somewhere else, but it was the only place Cell knew about that would hopefully get a few chuckles from the readers.

"Well," Cell replied in a matter-of-fact tone, "I was trying to tell you guys over and over that Goku and Vegeta were killed back during the wedding after-party, but no one of you seemed to notice. I had to stick the two corpses in their normal seats and dress them up just to make it look like they were alive in hopes you guys would find out on your own!!"

"...That would explain why his penis was so limp last night..." Chi-Chi muttered under her breath.

"I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE THAT I ONLY HAD THE TOP HALF OF VEGETA'S BODY WITH ME UNTIL YOU MENTIONED IT!!" Bulma exclaimed.

Cell face-palmed. 'Goddamn these idiots to hell...'

Taking a sip of his orange juice, Krillin asked, "So...can we go home now, then?"

"NO!! WE HAVE TO REVIVE GOKU AND VEGETA!!!" Cell snapped.

Deciding to speak up, Yamcha asked, "Hold on, why do you want to revive Goku and Vegeta anyway?! Aren't you...TOM CRUISE?!!"

Cell was silent for a moment. "...I am a villain, yes, but I have a very good reason for wanting to bring the two men originally responsible for the horrific flood of DBZ yaoi..."

"...And that reason is what??"

Tears began to leak out of Cell's eyes. "They...they beat me up..."

'THAT'S YOUR REASON?!!'

"IN ANY CASE," Cell proclaimed, wiping away his tears, "WE SHALL COLLECT THE SEVEN MYSTICAL DRAGONBALLS AND USE THEM TO BRING GOKU AND VEGETA BACK TO LIFE!!!"

An awkward silence filled the entire bar; even the gay couple making out near by stopped and stared at Cell like he was a freakish bug-like android clone of all the greatest warriors in the world...which he was.

"There's no way! No way! No way! No way! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WAI!!!! WE CANNOT DO IT!!!" Tien cried, clutching his head and stamping on the ground like a retarded man-child.

"LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!" Broly roared.

"Well, what can we do without two main characters who are complete opposites of each other, but somewhat retain a resemblance, and have the ability to turn into super-powerful golden versions of themselves?!" Chi-Chi asked Cell.

Cell smirked. "...I had already planned that out." He motioned over to two figures hidden under robes at the bar counter, and he announced, "LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND YAMCHA...I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET THE TEMPORARY REPLACEMENTS FOR GOKU AND VEGETA!!!"

The two figures removed their coverings and revealed themselves to be...

...Sonic the Hedgehog and Shadow the Hedgehog!

"Of course!! It makes perfect sense! THEY ARE BASICALLY ANIMAL PERSONAS OF GOKU AND VEGETA!!!" Krillin cried happily.

"Indeed we are..." Sonic nodded.

"We have pretty much the same kind of yaoi fanbase, too..." Shadow pointed out.

"SONADOW FOR THE WIN!!!" Bulma exclaimed with excitement, but then Cell punched her in the face and knocked her out.

Turning to the two anthropomorphic hedgehogs, "In any case, Sonic, Shadow...I need your help in reviving Goku and Vegeta by collecting the 7 Dragonballs with these idiots..."

"THAT'S US!!!" Krillin, Tien and Yamcha all proclaimed in unison.

"What happens after that?" Sonic asked.

Cell smiled innocently. "Why, I'll kill both of you freaks, of course!"

Suddenly, Shadow started laughing in a high-pitched tone. "WHA WHA WHA WHA WHA!! YOU, SIR, ARE QUITE A DOUCHEBAG, Y'KNOW?! WHA WHA WHA-"

"Yeah, whatever!!"

Standing up and thrusting his fists into the air, Cell exclaimed, "ALRIGHT, LET'S DO THIS!!! WE'RE GONNA GO AND LOSE OUR VIRGINITY!!!!"

"...I thought we were going to go and collect the 7 Dragonballs..."

"THAT TOO!!!!"

Wanting to get away from these idiots as soon as possible, Chi-Chi grabbed Bulma's unconscious body and drove off to a nearby love hotel.

And so, the new band of C-Warriors was formed, and the final arc shall begin!!!!

**_The Team: Cell, Sonic, Shadow, Krillin, Tien, Yamcha, Android 17, Android 18 and Broly!_**

"Sonic, you're the Scout, I'm the Medic, Shadow can be the Sniper, Broly is the Heavy, and Krillin can be the Engineer!" Cell exclaimed.

'WHAT ABOUT US?!!' Tien and Yamcha wondered.

"Wait...why are WE apart of this...?" Android 17 and Android 18 asked, but they were ignored by the populace as usual.

'We should've just killed them like we did in Future Trunks' timeline...'

'What kind of fuckin' name is TRUNKS, anyway?'

'Got me, bitch...got me...'


	42. Chapter 42

I do not own DragonBall Z.

Please check out my AMVs and 'Family Geass/Geass Guy' videos on Youtube, too! My name there is "Hikasu3445".

PLEASE REVIEW SO I CAN KNOW WHAT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE, AND SO I CAN GET IDEAS ON HOW TO IMPROVE!! IT'S VERY IMPORTANT!

A/N: I was thinking that after chapter 50 (the last chapter), I could maybe make a shorter spin-off series or something staring Frieza, Cell, Majin Boo and the other villains only with some minor appearances of Goku and the rest. I dunno...

* * *

After obtaining the Dragon Radar from Bulma (they had to perform Michael Jackson's 'Thriller'), Cell and the others were finally ready to begin their search!!

"Alright...so where do we start?" Sonic asked as he walked alongside the bug-like android.

Cell looked around, and then exclaimed, "THERE!!! THAT IS OUR FIRST DESTINATION!!!!"

...It was a McDonald's restaurant.

"I WILL KILL THEM FOR NOT GIVING ME A GODDAMN HAPPY MEAL!!!" Cell roared as he ran into the building, leaving the others in a state of confusion and bewilderment.

After about a minute of horrible screams and bones been torn apart, it seemed that Cell wouldn't be out anytime soon, so Sonic and the rest just sat on the edge of the sidewalk and waited.

"...Didn't we have Hercule with us back in the beginning of the Great Saiyacity arc?" Krillin asked, "Whatever happened to him?"

"You could ask the same thing for Frieza, Majin Boo, Videl, Gohan, Goten, Trunks, Piccolo, the Commissioner Brothers, SpopoBITCH, Guldo, etc..." Andoird 17 replied.

"Majin Boo took Videl back to the chocolate factory he took over, right?"

"I think so...but we have no idea what's going on with everyone else..."

"Damn, this fic doesn't explain anything, does it?!!"

"It's not SUPPOSED to, you dumb bastard!!"

Suddenly, Cell came walking up to them, his body covered in the spilled blood of innocents. "Now that I've gotten THAT out of my system...let us continue our quest!!" he exclaimed cheerfully.

As the C-Warriors continued to walk, Broly whined, "I WANNA PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

"There's something else I've been wondering about!" Krillin spoke up, "Has Broly ever gotten a CHANCE to actually play Tetris?"

"I think he did in the first chapter..." Yamcha replied.

"I WAS ASKING SOMEONE IMPORTANT, YOU USELESS FUCK!!"

"It's also strange how Broly's dialogue has been completely replaced with that phrase only, although he wasn't like that when he first appeared in chapter 1..." Android 18 pointed out.l

Turning to face the group, Cell screamed, "WE ARE NOT HERE TO ARGUE ABOUT HOW MANY PLOT HOLES AND SUCH ARE IN THIS DAMN CRACK FIC!!! WE'RE HERE TO BRING GOKU AND VEGETA BACK TO LIFE, YOU MORONS!!!"

Suddenly, a large purple van came to a stop in front of them, and two large men in black suits hopped out, grabbed Cell by the head, tossed him into the backseat, and drove off without a word.

Sonic glanced at Shadow, who glanced at Krillin, who glanced at Broly, who glanced at Tien, who glanced at Android 17, who glanced at Yamcha, who glanced at Android 18's breasts.

"...What do we do now?" Shadow asked, shrugging his furry shoulders.

Sonic thought for a moment, and then he had an idea. "IN THIS WORLD-"

"WE ARE NOT SINGING YOUR GODDAMN THEME SONG AGAIN!!!" Shadow roared, and he smashed his foot into Sonic's crotch and activated the thrusters, and flames burst out of the bottom of his shoe.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAI GGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWD!!!!"

As Sonic rolled around on the ground in pain, Shadow and the rest decided to go and get some donuts, glad they were finally free of this stupid mission to collect the Dragonballs...

* * *

_At Majin Boo's Chocolate Factory, where the rotting corpse of Willy Wonka could be seen hanging from the highest balcony as a threat for anyone who would try to cross the factory's new ruler..._

"Wow...I can't believe you took over this whole place..." Videl said in wonder as she and Majin Boo walked in through the front gates.

Majin Boo grinned and replied, "Yup...it was no problem for a total badass like me! I'm...SUPER COOL!!"

Suddenly, Videl gave her djinn boyfriend an annoyed look. "Look, Majin Boo, I like you and everything, but...if you can't even say five good pick-up lines, then I'm going back to Gohan..."

"W-What?! Five?! The hell did this come from?!!" Majin Boo cried.

"That's just the way I roll, you failed Barney impersonator!!" Videl explained.

'...B-Barney impersonator...?!' Shaking his head and putting on a scary smirk, Majin Boo proclaimed, "Very well then!! I will prove my worth as your lover by speaking five amazingly awesome pick-up lines...and I learned all of them from Weird Al Yankovic!!!"

Videl nodded. "Alright...let's see what you got!"

Majin Boo thought for a moment, and then he got into a fighting stance. "Uh...1. I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?!"

"..."

"2. I bet your magically delicious, like a bowl of Lucky Charms!"

"..."

"3. There just aren't enough 'o's in 'smooth' to describe how smooth I am!"

"..."

"4. I hope I'm not being forward, but do you mind if I chew on your butt?"

"..."

"And lastly...5. Girl, you must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy!!!!"

"...Oh my god..."

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Majin Boo asked, "So...did I do good?"

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Videl smiled sweetly at him and told him, "...Four out of five's not bad, my friend...you pass!"

"SWEETNESS!!!" Majin Boo exclaimed, "But...which one failed?"

"The third one sucked ASS..."

"...You're right..."

* * *

_At a local diner in West City..._

As he ate a forkful of his scrambled eggs, Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon turned to his older brother and asked him, "So you're not going to go and take control of that village in the forest anymore?"

Senior Commissioner Ronald Gordon shook his head. "No...after I had Goku and Vegeta killed, I realized I had no one cool to appear and always ruin my evil schemes...it's no fun without anyone to spoil your plans..."

"You know, you didn't even HAVE to be a villain...you decided to go and cause trouble for yourself because you're an idiot..." Skye Gordon explained.

"Well, during your ranting, I finally had an idea on what to do..."

"...Really?"

Pulling out a capsule from his pocket, Ronald opened it up and revealed it to be a laptop. He went onto Youtube and pulled up the music video for "When I Grow Up" by the PussyCat Dolls.

"Oh yeah, Nicole, shake that little slutty whore ass of yours, you stupid bitch!! Hell yeah!!!"

Junior Commissioner Skye Gordon sighed. "She's the only one in the group I DON'T like..."

Suddenly, Skye glanced to the right and saw Phoenix Wright was sitting next to them, sipping a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper.

'OH...OH MY GOD...'

* * *

"...Boobies?"


	43. Bad Times Polka?

A/N: I do not own Dragon Ball series...obviously. If I did, would I even be typing this? Hell, I wouldn't even be American!!

I REQUIRE REVIEWS TO TELL ME HOW I'M DOING AND HOW I CAN IMPROVE, AS WELL AS REVIEWS KEEP ME INFLUENCED TO ACTUALLY CONTINUE WRITING, BECAUSE THERE'S NO POINT IN WRITING IF NO ONE'S GOING TO COMMENT ON IT!

* * *

Cell let out a groan as he regained consciousness. For a moment, his vision was uneasy, but he soon grew used to the darkness that was surrounding him...and he realized he was inside a chemical plant. Well, he was tied to a wooden chair in the middle of a chemical plant facility, to be exact.

"...I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?"

"SHUT YOUR DAMN WHORE MOUTH," snapped a voice from within the shadows, "YOUR DATED INTERNET REFERENCES ONLY BRING TEARS NOW, NOT SMILES!!!"

"W-Who's there?! Who dares kidnap me, Cell?! The treasurer of the international Green Day fan club, and the only major DB villain to not be playable in Jump Ultimate Stars?!! THAT'S WHO I AM, I TELL YOU!!!"

"WELL, IN MY CASE, I AM...ME, OF COURSE!!!" announced a figure who stepped out of the darkness and confronted Cell.

Cell gasped. "NO...NO WAY!!! YOU...YOU CAN'T BE!! I THOUGHT I ESCAPED FROM YOUR CLUTCHES WHEN I BROKE OUT OF HELL!!!"

This mysterious person was actually...Janemba.

"YOU'RE MY ONLY FANBOY...AND AN OBSESSIVE ONE, AT THAT!!!" Cell cried in horror.

"I'M NOT YOUR FANBOY ANYMORE!!" Janemba snapped, "NOT AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO MY COPY OF BURNOUT PARADISE, YOU BASTARD!!! YOU USED IT TO WIPE YOUR GODDAMN ASS!!!"

Cell shrugged. "I thought it was toilet paper..."

"WHY, YOU SON OF A...still, that is not why I brought you here," Janemba put his hands behind his back and began to pace back and forth.

"Let me guess...you wanna complain about how they canceled Rugrats early, right?" Cell sneered.

"NO!!! AND DON'T YOU TRY TO DENY THAT IT REALLY SUCKS THAT THEY TOOK IT OFF THE AIR!!!" Janemba exclaimed, but he quickly regained his composure, "Just shut up and listen, okay? There's a reason I actually bothered breaking out of hell...and it's tell you one simple thing..."

"What is it?" Cell asked.

Janemba began to lean in closer, and Cell could feel the demon's hot breath brush against his skin. A blush formed on Janemba's cheeks, and when they were so close that their noses were just touching, Janemba smiled wickedly. Cell was becoming extremely uncomfortable, and he felt Janemba place a hand on his cheek. Sweat rolled down Cell's face, and he tried to avoid Janemba's lustful gaze, but it was impossible.

Then, bringing his lips up against Cell's ear, Janemba whispered, "...YOU JUST GOT RICK-ROLLED..."

Suddenly, Janemba leaped off of Cell, spun around once, and all of the lights flashed on at once. Every villain from DBZ, even including Cooler and that loser Turles, were all dressed just like Rick Astley, and dancing in unison. Then, the music began to play, and Cell knew that his life was coming to an end.

"NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER LET YOU DOWN-"

Cell threw his head back and screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

While he was dancing, Janemba asked, "By the way...whatever happened to Frieza?"

"Oh...uh, I accidentally killed him..." Cell admitted.

Everyone froze on the spot, and the music came to a halt. "You dirty bastard..."

"Actually," Cell recalled, "He lost his memory and now works as a priest at a lesbian-only church at the top of a mountain range in the middle of Zimbabwe..."

"Oh...WELL THEN, THAT'S GOOD!!!" After hearing that, they turned the music back up and continued to dance to their heart's content...

* * *

_At a random bar where they happen to serve peanuts with every meal..._

"I'm bored..."

"I know, Yamcha..."

"I'm bored..."

"I know, Yamcha..."

"I'm bored..."

"I know, Yamcha..."

"I'm bored..."

"Go rot in hell, Yamcha..."

Yamcha flashed a glare at Tien and said, "That, sir, was completely uncalled for!!"

"Actually, considering how much we all hate you, I really doubt it," Tien spoke up, and both Android 17 and Android 18 nodded their heads in agreement.

"OH, YOU CAN ALL JUST GO TO HELL!!!"

"...Can you go there first?"

"DAMMMMMMIT...I GOT SERVED!!!"

Suddenly, Sonic and Shadow came rushing into the room, carrying a large brown bag.

"LOOK WHAT WE FOUND!!!" They exclaimed in unison.

"Is that the bag that I took a shit in?" Tien asked.

Sonic shook his head. "We found that, but we threw it away. THIS, MY DEAR MORONS, IS SOMETHING MUCH, MUCH BETTER THAN TIEN'S SHIT..."

Tien smirked and rolled his eyes. "Humor me..."

Sonic flipped over the bag, and 6 of the 7 Dragon Balls came pouring out onto the floor.

"WE GOT THE DRAGON BALLS!!! WE ONLY NEED ONE MORE TO REVIVE GOKU AND VEGETA!!!"

Yamcha shrugged. "...So?"

* * *

_Up in Heaven..._

Vegeta sat with his back to Goku.

Goku sat with his back to Vegeta.

They were both very deep in thought.

Suddenly, Vegeta opened his eyes, raised his head and smirked.

"Kakarrot...I've figured out how we can come back to life..."


	44. Whatever You Like

A/N: I do not own Dragon Ball series...obviously. If I did, would I even be typing this? Hell, I wouldn't even be American!!

* * *

_At West City Elementary..._

"Hey, Goten, where do you think that bug guy went?" Trunks asked his best friend/sparring partner/future gay lover. They were walking down the hall together to get to their next class.

"...The bug guy?" Goten asked.

"Yeah, you know...that really tall guy with the prominent chin and the pointy helmet-thing who kinda sounds like Dale Wilson?"

"Oh, yeah, him!" Goten exclaimed, "Yeah, he said he wanted to revive our dads or something..."

"Wow...what a prick..."

"I know!!"

Suddenly, a section of the ceiling burst apart, and Piccolo landed in front of the two young boys.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S A GREEN PALETTE VERSION OF MR. T!!!" Goten screeched, and he ran off down the hall.

"Uh...what're you doing here, Piccolo?" Trunks asked.

"I'M HERE...TO KICK YOUR ASS!!!" Piccolo roared, and he smashed his foot into Trunks' stomach, sending the poorly-named boy flying through the wall.

'I should have known,' Trunks thought as he got up, 'That Piccolo was definitely not afraid of using child abuse to get his point across!! I mean, I saw what he made Gohan go through to prepare for the Saiyans back in Season 1!!! I'm surprised he didn't rape the poor kid, too...'

However, as Piccolo charged at Trunks, the blue-haired kid noticed something odd; a strange, purple growth had formed on Piccolo's neck, and its veins were wrapped around his head. A round, yellow eyeball was poking out of the buldge, glaring at Trunks with intense hatred.

Trunks immediately realized why Piccolo was randomly attacking him. Although the Namekian normally did this without reason, this time he was being FORCED to. 'SO...HE'S BEING CONTROLLED!!! BUT BY WHOM?! AND FOR WHAT REASON?!! ALSO...WHY THE FUCK IS IT ATTACKING ME?!!'

"DIE!!!" Piccolo roared, and he fired a large energy blast straight at Trunks.

--

At that same moment, while Goten was hiding in the bathroom, curled up in fetal position, he heard someone walk up behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he saw that it was Gohan...and a strange purple growth was spreading on his older brother's neck...

"B...Brother?"

"Hello...soon-to-be-eradicated little brother of mine..."

* * *

_Meanwhile, in Heaven..._

"You...actually figured out how to get back to life without the Dragon Balls?" Goku asked in surprise.

Vegeta smirked. "Yup! I guess I'm not such a dumbass after all..."

"Well, you still are," Goku pointed out, "But...let's hear this plan of yours..."

"Okay...we'll need two allies to make it work, first of all,"

"WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! WHO'LL HELP US?!!!" Goku cried.

Vegeta looked over at Dabura and Table, who were playing Uno. "...We'll use those two. They're expendable characters, after all..."

"I see...what's next?"

Vegeta pulled out a clipboard from behind his back and began looking it over. "Okay! We'll need five eggs, fourteen hotdog buns, a cooking ladle, three glow-in-the-dark sneakers, four bagpipes, fifteen Cabbage patch Kids with curly red hair, two 'IT'S OVER 9000!!' bumper stickers, and a bottle of ketchup..."

Goku thought it all over to himself for quite a long time. "...Alright, let's do it!!"

"...I didn't even tell you what we're doing with all the stuff yet..."

"Oh! Then...what're we doing with it?"

Vegeta shrugged.

* * *

_Back at the Nuclear Power Plant..._

After about an hour of suffering, the Rick Rolling was finally over.

"You...you bastards..." Cell hissed, breathing heavily.

Janemba smirked. "Heh...you deserved it for hogging all our screentime, bitch..."

"There's just...there's just two things...I wanna say..."

"Oh yeah? What are they?"

Cell raised his head. "ONE: HOW DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS RICKROLL ME!! HOW DARE YOU ALL!!! AND...AND TWO: THAT WAS FRICKIN' AMAZING!!! YOU GUYS DANCED IN TUNE AND EVERYTHING!! HOW...HOW'D YOU DO THAT?!"

"Well, Babidi happens to be quite a skillful dance choreographer," Janemba said, and the little butt-ugly warlock himself bowed in response to the compliment.

"Oh? Good job, guys!! I'll recommend you all to the Bentley Hall Dance Association!!" Cell exclaimed, suddenly feeling rather cheerful.

"...Don't you mean the NDA?"

"Whatever, I don't give a damn about fuckin' shit like that...crap!!!"

Sighing, Janemba tossed off his suit and sat down, cross-legged. "Alright...I think it's time we actually get down to business..."

"What? You mean...you didn't just kidnap me to RickRoll me?" Cell asked.

"HELL NO, YOU MORON!!" Janemba snapped, "Look, there's a rather big...problem...going on here...on Earth..."

"...Huh?"

A serious look formed on Janemba's face. "A NEW VILLAIN HAS APPEARED!!!"


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z...obviously. If I did, would you think I'd be writing this?! Hell, I wouldn't even be American!!

* * *

_A shocking revelation: A new villain has appeared, and it seems he has already taken control of Gohan and Piccolo!!_

"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!!!" Cell exclaimed, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN...A NEW VILLAIN?!!!"

"Well, it means exactly what it means...a new villain..." Janemba replied matter-of-factly.

"I UNDERSTAND THAT, BUT...BUT HOW?!! WHY?!! IS THERE EVEN ANY POINT, CONSIDERING HOW GOKU AND...VEGETA...ALWAYS...KICK...ASS...holy crap, this is bad!!!"

"You JUST remembered that they're dead?!"

"Uh...yeah?"

Janemba sighed. "Look, the thing is, this guy is a newbie, so please don't give him such a hard time...he told me he's going to try his best, and see how things work out. He's confident, at least...that's a good thing...please support him, okay?"

Cell sighed as well. "Fine...what's this guy's name, anyway?"

"...I don't know..." Janemba admitted after a moment of silence.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?!!"

"It's like this," Janemba explained, "You know when you were in high school, there would be this guy you'd hang out with after school all the time, and talk about life and shit and all that, and you two would do that every day for all four years, and by the time you graduate you realize you never knew his name?"

"...No..."

"Well, that's pretty much explains why I don't remember this new villain's name, either..."

"FUCK, THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!!"

"In any case," Janemba said, "You'll...err, recognize him when you see him..."

Cell raised an eyebrow. 'I'll recognize him when I see him...what the hell does that mean??'

* * *

_Up in Heaven..._

"...SO, WE DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE A WAY TO GET BACK TO EARTH?!!" Goku cried.

"Hey, hey! Calm down!" Vegeta snapped, "Just calm the fuck down. Before you start pointing fingers, you should try and consider the situation..."

"WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?!! USUALLY, YOU'RE THE ONE SCREAMING AT ME, BUT IT'S MY TURN NOW, AND I'M NOT GONNA WASTE IT!!!"

Vegeta smashed his hair into Goku's crotch. "SORRY...YOU WERE IGNORANT, SO I MUST TAKE YOU DOWN WITH MY 'HAIR-BALL CRUNCH' ATTACK!!!"

"THAT'S A FUCKIN' STUPID NAME!!!"

"I KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW..."

Meanwhile, Dabura and Table had stopped playing Uno to watch the two saiyans make asses of themselves.

'I wonder if they realize the fact that they're dead means that the pure-bred saiyan race is now officially extinct...?'

'Also...they left the oven on...dirty bastards...'

"TAKE OFF YOUR TOP AND GET KILLED BY GREG KINNEAR!!!"

'...OH NO HE DIDN'T...'

Suddenly, Goku had an idea of his own. "I...I KNOW HOW WE CAN RETURN TO THE EARTH WITHOUT THE DERGUN BOLLZ!!!"

"YOU MEAN THE DRAGON BALLS?!!" Vegeta gasped.

"YEAH, WHATEVER!!! LOOK...ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS-"

* * *

_Back at the bar..._

"So...we now have 6 of the 7 Dragon Balls..." Tien muttered to himself.

"...And what does that mean?" Yamcha asked, and then Android 18 threw a chocolate milkshake in his face.

"YOU IDIOT," she screamed, "IT MEANS THAT WE'RE ONLY ONE DRAGON BALL AWAY FROM REVIVING GOKU AND VEGETA!!!"

"...And once they're revived, you and Vegeta can continue your masochistic affair...?" Tien guessed with a slight smirk.

Android 18 nodded. "Yes...I MEAN, SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU BALD-ASS BASTARD!!!"

Suddenly, just before a brawl could ensue, Broly came running into the bar, pointing outside while crying, "LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!! LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!!! LET'S PLAY SOME TETRIS, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!"

"...What's HIS problem?" Sonic asked.

Krillin sighed, and placed his empty beer glass down. "I'll go see what's got the retard's panties all in a twist..."

'...He wears panties...?' Shadow wondered, glancing up.

After a moment, Krillin poked his head through the door, and said, "Uhh...I think you guys better come out here...there's something really big hovering over the city..."

Tien and the others did as asked, and they all glanced up at the sky...

"...WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!!"

"LOOKS LIKE A PENIS!!!"

"OH GOD, DON'T BE SO DISGUSTING!!! ...IT'S OBVIOUSLY A VAGINA!!!"

"YOU'RE BOTH SICK PERVERTED FUCKS!!! IT'S A DISCO-BALL...CLEARLY...IT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A PENIS OR A VAGINA, EITHER!!!"

"OH, YOU'RE RIGHT!!! I WAS JUST RAMBLING!!"

"I THINK IT'S STARING AT US..."

A giant orb about the size of the Death Star was floating only a few feet over the entirety of West City. It had a huge mouth spread out in a toothy grin, and a large blood-red eye with spiked eyelashes was staring with great intensity back at the people down below.

"HEY, EVERYONE," it exclaimed in a booming high-pitched voice, "MY NAME IS WAMMY, AND I HOPE WE ALL GET ALONG...BUT I'M JUST LYING, YOU KNOW!!!!! I'M ACTUALLY RATHER EVIL!!! WA-HA-HAAAAAH..."

Tien made a disgusted face. 'HIS NAME...IS WAMMY...'


	46. The Return Of The End

Disclaimer: I do not own the Dragonball series.

A/N: Since I'm having alot of trouble with new ideas atm I'll just finish up some older stories that were left discontinued.

* * *

"So...it's been a very long time, but let me get this straight...Goku and Vegeta are dead, Sonic and Shadow are their replacements, and now some giant faggot ball has come to kill us?" Yamcha asked aloud as he and the other Z Warriors stared up at Wammy.

Tien shrugged. "That's pretty much it...I guess. I don't really remember either."

"BAH, YOU'RE USELESS!!"

Taking a step forward, Krillin decided to be useful for once and aimed his index finger up at the being known as Wammy. "Who are you and why have you come here, Wammy?!"

"Do I have to tell you?"

"Uh..." Krillin thought about it for a moment, "If...if you would like to...we would all greatly appreciate it at least..."

"Very well! Before that, however, I shall reveal my true self!" Wammy's spherical body suddenly became enveloped with a white light, forcing everyone in the surrounding area to cover their eyes for protection. It was brighter than the very sun itself. When the light had finally faded away a few seconds later, the heroes were shocked to see that a human-sized figure was now floating in mid-air in Wammy's place. He had a slightly muscular build, with long, scarlet-red hair that flowed down to his waist. He had a very stern look on his face, although the tiny flower tattoos on his cheeks made it a bit difficult to take him very seriously. He wore only a pair of blue Nike sneakers and old khaki pants that were about two sizes too big. Slowly, this strange man hovered down to the ground.

"I...am the true Wammy. That bulky form you saw before is what I must use to be able to travel between the fabric of time and space with ease." announced the man with a bow of his head. He was surprisingly polite.

'THIS BASTARD...IS HE MOCKING US?!!' Veins were popping up all over Android 17's face as he thought this to himself.

"Okay, so will you tell us what you're up to, now?" Krillin asked.

Wammy nodded. "Of course. You see, I-"

Before Wammy could speak any further, he was sent crashing into a nearby building by a kick to the face from Cell, who had come flying in out of nowhere. Yamcha quickly tore his eyes away from Android 18's ass and put on the same shocked expression as the others so no one would suspect him. For some reason, Cell had both a monocle and a handlebar moustache plastered to his face. He didn't look especially happy, either. Seeing that everyone was currently too distracted by the bug-robot's sudden entrance, Sonic and Shadow took this chance to run away.

"GODDAMMIT!!" Cell cursed so loudly that it caused one of the bystanders to spontaneously burst into flames.

Krillin let out a sigh of relief. "Cell, you're finally back...!"

"Yeah! And I killed my fanboy!" Cell exclaimed, holding up Janemba's severed head.

Krillin wrinkled his face in disgust.

Suddenly, a beam of light shot out from the building that Wammy had been kicked into, completely disintegrating Janemba's head as it zoomed past Cell. A moment later, Wammy himself emerged out of the rubble without a sign of injury on him. For some unexplainable reason, he looked alot happier than before.

"Are you sure you want to kill me? I have something you want..." Wammy sneered.

He then raised his left arm high into the air, and opened his palm to reveal a tiny pale-green seed emerging out of his skin. Cell and Krillin exchanged bewildered glances.

Yamcha and Tien were now eating pasta out of bowls conspicuously shaped like high-heel shoes.

The tiny seed began to swell larger and larger, until it was about the size of a basketball. Wammy's grin widened to reveal his mouth was filled with rows upon rows of razor-sharp teeth. The seed proceeded to burst open to reveal the final dragonball contained within it; it was the last one Cell and the others needed to revive Goku and Vegeta. Wammy clenched tightly onto the mystical orb, and brought it down near his face so he could sniff it.

"You know," he spoke calmly, but it was still full of unrelenting malice, "I could easily crush this thing right here and now...and then you won't be able to get your wish, right?"

"How...how do you know about that?"

Wammy gave the dragonball a lick. "I learned it all by reading the mind of your dear friend Pickles..."

"OH FUCK NO, NOT PICKLES!!! THAT MOTHERFUCKER CAN NEVER KEEP A SECRET!!" bellowed Krillin in absolute fury. He was definitely going to make sure that damn, anthropomorphic pickled cucumber got what was coming to it when this was all over.

"No, wait, his name was Piccolo."

"SAME THING!!!"

"How the hell did you read Piccolo's mind? I thought Namekians had super-powered mental blocks or something! Either that...or cock-blocking powers..." proclaimed Android 18.

"That's what kept me from raping him!" Android 17 realized.

Wammy decided to ignore the peanut gallery and continue his grand exposition. "I was able to inject one of my seeds into his mind, linking his brain to mine, allowing me full control of his body as well as access to all of his memories. I know everything about you pitiful Z Warriors, and with his unconsented aid, I shall blow you all to itty-bitties!!"

"Uh...dude? Piccolo has been a minor character ever since the final half of the Cell saga. He sucks now." Krillin had no particular reason for raining on the poor alien's parade, but DAMN it felt good!

A slight pause, and then...

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT...!!" Poor Wammy crapped his pants right then and there.

"...Suffer and die, furfag..."

Cell then proceeded to fire a kamehameha blast straight into Wammy's balls...but this was certainly not the end.


End file.
